


Serenas girl

by Clavillesen



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 69,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23331979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clavillesen/pseuds/Clavillesen
Summary: AU.  A little bit inspired by the movie Finns girl. If you don't know the movie, don't watch it. It will ruin the plot of this fic.Serena and Bernie are younger and married.They have their 3 children.Serena is a scientist with speciality in genetic engineering.Bernie is in the RAMC
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 280
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fanfic.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it.  
> Please leave comments.

Chapter 1

Serena and Charlotte is sitting in the kitchen. Serena is helping Charlotte with her homework. It wasn't the weekend Serena had dreamt of. Cameron is away on an exchange program in Germany for two weeks with his school. Elinor is on a spa weekend with her grandmother Adrienne. Charlotte was meant to be with them, but three day ago she broke her arm, when she fell from the swings at school. 

“Mum, I'm happy to be home alone with you” Charlotte said.  
“I'm happy to have you here too” Serena answered softly. Now she had to wait with her plans for the weekend. She had planned to use the weekend with selfpampering, Shiraz and her own thoughts. She really needed to figure out how to reveal her big secret to Bernie, when she gets home from her last tour with the RAMC. She'll only have 2 month left to get her facts right and figure out how to tell Bernie without losing the love of her life and without splitting up the family.

On the other hand it's a long time ago Serena had time alone with Charlotte. Charlotte had decided that she didn't wanted to go on the spa weekend with her Granny and Elinor. It's not much fun with a broken arm, when the one thing you were looking forward to was the swimmingpool. And she find Elinor at bit annoying at the moment. When you're 9 you don't have much in common with your 14 year old sister. Her brother Cam is a 16 year old boy and he only has girls on his mind. Charlotte thinks boys are weird - especially her brother.

“I really hate math” Serena hears Charlotte say.  
“Charlie, you have to make an effort to try to learn”  
“Why? I don't understand what I need it for. I don't need to know when those two f**king trains meet” Charlotte curses.  
“Watch your mouth young lady”  
Charlotte sighs. Serena flicks the kettle on.

Ten minutes later they both have a cup of tea in front of them and Serena is again trying to explain the math for Charlotte. Suddenly the doorbell rings and there is a knock on the door too. Serena answers the door and all Charlotte can hear is an deep voice and a womans voice and then her mum begins to sob or it sounds more like a howl, Charlotte thinks. She wants to know what's happening and went into the hall to see for herself. On the front step is two officers from the army. A man and a woman. The man she had seen before. It's one of her mummys colleagues. Her mum is sobbing and Charlotte can see, that something is wrong, something is happened with her mummy. The officers are trying to calm her mum. “It's time to call dad or uncle Fletch” Charlotte thinks.

“..But dad you really need to come. Something is very wrong. There is two officers from the army here and mum is crying” Charlotte whispers into her mobile. She didn't want to use the landline because the telephone was in the hall.  
“Darling, I can't come right now. I'm at work” Raf answers. Charlotte knows her dad has an important job. He is a great doctor on the AAU at Holby City hospital. The same hospital where her mum works as a scientist.  
“You have to come now dad. I'm afraid something is happened to mummy and mum needs your help”  
Raf wasn't at work, but since he found out how Serena had deceived him, he didn't want to see or talk to her. On the other hand Charlotte was still his daugther and she needs his help.  
“Dad!? You still there? You know mummy told me to call you if this would happened. I don't know exactly what it means but she made it very clear to me, that you'll help us” Charlotte said.  
“Yes, I'm still here, Honey. I'll be with you in 10 minutes” Raf had already forgotten his lie about him working. He didn't like the fact that Charlotte was coping with this alone. He knew how much Bernie was the love of Serenas life and Bernie had instructed him too. He already knew it was bad, when Charlotte had told him about the officers. He really had hoped that he never had to be in this situation, when Bernie had sworned him into secrecy.

8 minutes later he arrives at the McKinnie-Wolfes house. The frontdoor is ajar and he find a quiet and teary eyed Charlotte in the hall. The officers had helped Serena into the livingroom. She was now sitting on the couch with a glas of water and the female officer is sitting beside her. The male officer is talking but Raf can see, from Serenas expression, that she doesn't hear a word of what the officer is saying. He cuddles Charlotte and wipes away her tears and asks her what she had heard.  
“Mummy is not dead but badly injured” Charlotte whispers.  
“Ok Darling. Stay here. I'll go inside and try to talk to the officers. I need to check that your mum is okay”  
Charlotte nods.

Raf enters the livingroom. Serena looks up, but he is sure that she doesn't reckonise him. Her face is wet from her flooding tears and her eyes are blank. Her brain had shut down. He sits down on the other side of Serena, puts his arm around her and takes her hand and begins to talk slowly but ferm to her.  
“Serena, you need to listen to me now. I need you to give me your approval to talk with the officers on your behalf”. Serena slowly turn her head and looks at Raf. When did he came here? What are the other doing here? Serena wonders. What did Raf said? She tries to focus on Raf. He repeats his request and now the reality hit Serena again. The others in the room are officers. They have bad news about Bernie. Serena finally understand what Raf is asking of her and nods. “It's okay that mr. De Lucca talk to you on my behalf” Serena whispers and then she begins to cry again. The love of her life is dead. How will she survive? What about the kids? Serena feels how her brain goes blank.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments

Raf talks to the male officer. The female is trying to calm Serena. Charlotte is still in the hall eavesdropping from her spot at the stairs.

“Mr. De Lucca, I'm sorry about the whole situation but Captain Wolfe made me promise to come here and talk to ms McKinnie. I wasn't expecting this” The officer explains.”Captain Wolfes was badly hurt in an IED this morning. Our own doctors had stabilised her but she needs major surgery and we're flying her back here to England. She'll be in Holby as soon as possible”.  
“Do you know what her injuries are?” Raf asks.  
“I don't know much. I only know what I already have told you mr. De Lucca”

At that moment Rafs mobile rings. It's from Holby City. Raf answers the phone. It's Henrik Hanssen.  
“Mr. De Lucca we need you expertise. A captain from the RAMC is on the way here for major surgery and we need all the best staff. It's ms. McKinnies wife” Hanssen tells. Serena had taken back her birth name after her divorce from Edward Campbell. She hadn't used the Campbell name that long after all.  
“I know mr. Hanssen. I'm at her house right now talking to a colleauge of Bernie. How bad is her injuries?” Raf answers.  
“It's really bad. I've already inquired help from mr. Self and the CT team. But I need you as a back up” Hanssen tells calmly.  
“Okay. How soon will she be there? And can I bring Serena?” Raf asks.  
“As far as I know Bernie is on her way back to Holby and will probably be here within 2 or 3 hours. What state is Serena in? Do you think it's a good idea to bring her here?” Hanssen says. As everybody else Henrik Hanssen know how deep Serena and Bernie love each other and as a friend he also knows that Serena isn't coping well, because Raf is there with her. He is one of the few who knows that Serena and Raf aren't the best friends at the moment. He also knows that he can't keep Serena away from her wife. Injured or not.  
“I think it's safer to bring Serena with you or I'm afraid she'll drive here by herself. How about the children?”  
“Cam is in Germany with his school. Elinor is with her grandmother, but Charlotte is here. I can take her home to Fletch or Amy. I don't think Serena and Bernie want her to know how bad it is” At that moment Raf feel Charlottes hand in his. “I want to go with you and mum” she whispers in his other ear.  
“Well, that sounds...” Hanssen stops and listens to Raf talking to Charlotte.  
“Honey, I think it's better for you to stay at my place with uncle Fletch and Amy. Maybe it's good for you to be with other kids at the moment”. Charlotte begins to cry. “I want to go with you and mum” she repeats. “I don't want to go to your place and I don't want to be with other kids. Mum needs me” She looks at Raf with wet eyes and Raf knows he can't say no to her.  
“Sorry Hanssen, but it looks like I have to bring Charlotte too”  
“Yes, I heard. Isn't she to young to understand?”  
“No, I'm afraid not. She understands more than I'll like her to understand. She's her mothers daughter after all” Raf sighs. And exactly as stubborn as her mum, he thinks to himself.  
“Okay. I'll see if I can get a private room for them both. Bye Mr. De Lucca” And Hanssen is gone.

Raf turn his attention back to the male officer and apologizes, that he had to answer the phone.  
“It's okay. I was done anyway. We need to leave too. We have to prepare for the arrival of Captain Wolfe. Thank you for your help, mr. De Lucca” The officer answers. He nods and both officers stands. Raf brings them to the door. He walks back to the livingroom. Serena is still on the couch, now with Charlottes small arms around her mum. Both crying silently.  
Raf need a moment for himself and walks into the kitchen and flicks the kettle on and while the water is boiling, he gets three cups from the cupboard. A few moments later he's back in the livingroom. He hands Serena a cup of tea and lets his hand rest on her knee. She looks at him and sips from her tea.  
“Serena do you know what is happening?” He wants to be sure that she understands that Bernie isn't dead.  
“Is she dead?”Serena whispers so soft that Raf wonders how he heard her.  
“No, Serena, Bernie is alive. She is badly injured. Do you understand?” Serena nods.  
“She needs major surgery. Hanssen has already required help from Guy Self and the CT Team and he wants me there too” Raf continues.  
Serena gasps. She know it's bad. She can still loose Bernie. The very thought of it make her head spin and again she feels the tears in her eyes. Charlotte is sitting very calm beside her. Come on Serena, you have to bestrong for Charlie now, she thinks. It's so hard. She feels that Charlotte is stroking her hand.  
“Charlotte need to get to your place” Serena tells Raf. Charlotte begins to protest. Raf calm her down with a wink of his eye.  
“Serena, Charlotte want to come with us to the hospital. I've tried to convince her that, she should be with Fletch, Amy and the kids, but I can't persuade her. I've already cleared it with Hanssen” He says with a steady voice. Serena don't know if it's a good idea, but she also knows, that Raf has done everything he could, not to bring Charlotte to the hospital.

Raf walks upstairs with Charlotte to pack a bag for Bernie and some entertainment for Charlotte.  
Serena hasn't moved from her spot on the couch, when they come back from upstairs. He has Charlottes bagpack filled with colouring books, pencils, a girly magazine, a comic and a Harry Potter book. They have also packed some crackers and sweets.  
“Serena, I need to know if I got everything for Bernie. Can you take a look?”Raf asks.  
“Yes” Serena says with a small voice.  
Raf don't know if he has to bring her the bag or if she will rise from the couch and come to him. He give her a minute. Suddenly Serena rises from the couch and takes the bag. She brings it back upstairs. Raf has done a good job. She doesn't have to change anything. She enters the ensuite and looks in the mirror. She sees how much of a mess her short dark hair is and she has to redo her make-up. She slowly begins on the task. Raf gives her the time. He knows it's important for Serena to keep up her appearance at work. Eventhough, thank to the hospital grapewine, most of the staff already will know what's happening with Serenas wife.  
Meanwhile Serena is upstairs he phones Hanssen.  
“Hello Hanssen. Do you know the ETA for Bernie. We're almost ready to drive to the hospital now.” Raf tells  
“Well. I've reserved a room for Serena and Charlotte. You can come when you're ready. We're expecting ms. Wolfe to be here in 60 minutes. She's on her way here in the back of a military vehicle as we speak. We suggested to send a ambulance to the military airfield, but they refused, said it would take to long” Hanssen informs.  
“Thank you. We'll be there soon. Bye” Raf hangs up at the same moment, that Serena appears downstairs again.  
“Ready to go” he says. Charlotte nods and Serena whispers, ”I don't think I'll ever be, but let's go. I need to see for myself that she's alive”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.
> 
> I'll try to post a chapter every day. We all need a little break in the times of COVID-19
> 
> I know my chapters ends with a cliffhanger.

The next couple of hours is a blur for Serena. They'd arrived at Holby City hospital about 15 minutes before Bernie. Hanssen had showed Serena and Charlotte into a sideroom at the Darwin ward. Then Bernie arrived and Serena got a change to see for herself, that Bernie was alive and surprisingly awake. Bernie had used the time to assure Serena, that she was okay and to tell her, that she love Serena and the kids endlessly. They had both tears in their eyes. Suddenly Bernie had got her eyes on Charlotte. She had looked angry at Serena and asked with a cross voice. ”What does Charlie do here? She's too young to be here.” Serena hadn't the time to answer before the staff had send her and Charlotte out of the room. The doctors examed Bernie and they took her into theatre.

Several hours later Serena is sitting in the sideroom on Darwin ward with Charlotte on her lap. Bernie has just been wheeled into the room. She is still unconscious after her operations. Her normally strong wife, was laying in the hospital bed. Her skin is pale and her lovely, unruly, curly blond hair is flat and lifeless. It turns out the doctors, Guy Self and Oliver Valentine, had operated in tandem. If Serena is honest to her self, she hadn't heard many of the words Guy Self had said, when he came and told her, that Bernie was out of the woods and that they hoped the operations was a success. Now they had to wait and see if Bernie would be able to walk.

“Mum? Mum?” Serena hears Charlotte saying her name. Her head was still a blur and her thoughts was miles away.  
“Yes, my darling” Serena finally answers.  
“Please, tell me about how you and mummy meet” Charlotte says with a soft voice.  
“Are you sure you want to know?” Serena asks.  
“Yes” Charlotte says with sparkles in her eyes.  
Serena sighs. Perhaps it's a good idea to think of something else.

Charlotte knows her family is a little complicated for others to understand, but for Charlotte her family is perfect. Uncle Marcus is Camerons dad. Mummy gave birth to Cameron before she meet mum. Mummy and uncle Marcus wasn't married when they got Cam. He was the result of a drunken night and a broken condom. That's what her cousin Jason had told her matter of factly. Uncle Marcus is married to aunt Helena and they have twin boys, who is 7 years old and really annoying. Elinors dad is a man called Edward. Charlotte haven't meet him more than a couple of times. She thinks he look like mr. Potatohead but with a big red nose and he doesn't smell good. Edward has been married more than once after mum divorced him. Edward loves young women. That what Cam has told her. Mum gave birth to Elinor after she moved in with mummy. But they were only friends at the time.  
Charlotte know she isn't made the ordinary way. Mum had done something at work with mummys eggs and dads sperm. She doesn't really know how. But she know she was in mummys tummy before she was born and mum had sung for her, when she was in there. 

She hadn't meet Jason until last year. Mum didn't know he existed either. It turned out that mum had a big sister and Granny hadn't told her about her, because Aunt Marjorie was adopted by another family, when she was a baby. Jason had seen Granny, mum and the rest of the family at the park. The next time Granny had visited Jason at his carers house, where Jason lives after his mum died, he wanted answers from her. She hadn't given him, what he wanted. She only gave him mums name and told him that she is his aunt. A couple of days later he wrote a letter to mum and his carer Alan helped him to send it to her. Jason had found her adress on the internet. When mummy don't have to work in the army anymore Jason is going to live with them fulltime. He already lives here 2 days a week. From sunday to tuesday. Jason is 19 years old and very smart but sometimes he's weird. Mum says it's important for him to have a certain structure, because he has Aspergers. Charlotte doesn't understand it all, but she knows that she likes Jason and he is good to talk to, when she needs something explained without asking her parents. Jason knows a lot and what he doesn't know, he'll research for her and then try to explain it for her later.

They hear a rustle from Bernies bed. It is Essie, the nurse. She is taking Bernies observations. After she finishes she comes to the armchair, where Charlotte is still sitting on Serenas lap. Hanssen had friendly lent them an armchair from his office. It was already in the sideroom, when they arrived. Henrik knew Serena will be needing a good chair to sit in, while Bernie is in hospital. He knows she will never leave Bernie as long as she's still fighting for her life. Yes, Bernie was alive but there is still so many things that can go wrong. Most of the staff at the hospital is praying for Bernie to survive, because they know Serena can't live without her. The staff is also silently praying for Bernie not to be paralyzed and that she'll wake up soon and ready to fight back her strength. Bernie was already engaged to be working on AAU, when her career in the army ends. They all knew her from her marriage to Serena and they had all met her and likes her as much as they like Serena. They can all feel a little of Serena pain right now. 

Bernie had worked as a F1 at Holby City hospital, when she was expecting Cameron and was a registrar, when the kids were old enough for Serena to handle alone and Bernie could finish her training for the RAMC. A lot of the staff, from back then, isn't at Holbys anymore. Ric Griffin was one of the dinosaurs, who's still there. He was a consultant on Kellar ward, where Bernie worked. The two of them couldn't stand each other at first. A poker night celebrating a patients birthday, helped them respect each other. Before Bernie went back to the training program for the RAMC, Ric Griffin had ended up being a close friend to both Serena and Bernie.

“I'm so sorry Serena. I know you were looking forward to getting Bernie home, from the Army, in a couple of months. I'm sure, this isn't the way you wanted her to come home” Essie lays a hand on Serenas arm and squeeze it lightly. “Have you talked to the doctors about Bernie recovery?” Serena shakes her head.  
Essie takes another chair and sits opposite from Serena.  
“The doctors had to put her in a induced coma, because of her injuries and her expected pains. We'll try to wake her up in a day or two. Guy Self and Oliver Valentine will tell you more about the operations tomorrow. I believe you can't cope to hear more about Bernies condition today” Serena nods, when she hears what Essie tells her.  
Essie leaves again and Serena wonders, if she should go home with Charlotte and try to sleep. She immediately thinks it's better to stay. She wouldn't survive being at home, when she know Bernie is here, fighting for her life. And she would definitely not get any sleep with her worries.  
She pats Charlottes cheek and lays her arms around her daughter. She cuddles into Serenas chest and sniffles.  
Serena kisses her on the hair and begins to tell the story of, how she met Bernie and how they fell in love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena thinks back to the time, when she met Bernie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sunday and I want to thank you all for your comments and kudos.
> 
> As an extra gift I'll be uploading another chapter later today.

“You know mummy already had Cam with uncle Marcus, when I had Elinor in my tummy.” Charlotte nods.  
“I was married to Elinors dad, Edward.” Charlotte nods again. Serena thinks she doesn't need to tell her about, how Edward had deceived her and hunted every skirt he could.   
Serena rubs gently on Charlottes back and continues to tell the story.  
After a couple of minutes, she is feeling Charlotte is getting heavier in her arms and she knows she's asleep. Cradling Charlotte in her arms, she kisses her on her forehead and begins to think back.

Serena had meet Edward Campbell on campus. He was very charming and she soon fell in love with him. He was full of compliments about her long waving hair and he couldn't stop touching her and telling her, how much he loved her curves. He wasn't great in bed but acceptable if he wasn't drunk. Serena was like a blind puppy and didn't saw Edwards flaws. They had know each other for about 10 month, when Edward proposed to her. She said yes immediately. Serena thought it was very romantic, that Edward wanted them to elope and get married with only a couple of witnesses. 

It turned out to be anything but romantic. Edward got very drunk before the wedding. The witnesses was two employees from the chapel. She had to buy her bouquet herself and by the end out the very short ceremony, Edward had puked on her pale yellow weddingdress and in her bouquet. When they was back in their hotelroom, he went to sleep without saying anything to her. Serena took a bath with tears running down her cheeks. That wasn't how she had wished her wedding night to be. Serena didn't thought she needed her diaphragm that night and went to sleep too. 

In the middle of the night, she woke up, feeling Edward touching her. He wanted to have sex. Serena knew, she was in trouble. She wasn't ready for children. She wanted a career first, but Edward wanted children as soon as possible. She knew if she got pregnant, she wouldn't be able to get a termination. She used a diaphragm, because she didn't like the idea of all the chemistry in contraceptive pills. That was the backside of her studies. She knew how many side effects the pills could have. She knew it was, that time of the month. She let Edward have his way with her and prayed all along, that she wouldn't conceive that night.

Two month later she saw the two blue stripes on the pregnancy test. She had had the thought to get a “The day after pill” after her wedding night. But at the same time, she couldn't cope with the idea of killing something in her body. She kept on praying, that she wasn't pregnant and used her diaphragm every time she had sex with her husband. Only the day before, she took the pregnancy test, she had found Edward kissing a nurse in a supply cupboard. Edward had assured her, it only happend this one time. And that it was the nurse who kissed him. Serena was fuming mad. She had poured her heart out to Raf. Her best male friend. Her best gay friend. That was at least was she thought. He hadn't corrected her in her belief. Later she found out Raf is bisexual.

Because she had found out, that she was pregnant, she wished to believe Edward. When she told him about her pregnancy, he was very happy and was looking forward to getting a son. He boasted about the pregnancy and celebrated a whole weekend. Serena didn't saw a glimpse of him from friday night, where she had told him she was pregnant, and until he came home drunk sunday evening. Smelling like a brewery and with lipstick on his shirt. He had told her, that he had been celebrating his son with his mates.

When she was six month pregnant, she found out, what was the truth about Edward. All the time they had been an item, he had had women on the side. A nurse from St. James hospital, where both Edward and Serena worked at the moment, had come to their house one evening. Serena was home alone. The nurse had told her, how Edward had had an affair with her and other nurses on the hospital before and after her and possible also, when he had the affair with her. She told Serena how she had found Edward with another woman and then had broken up with him. For a long time he had promised her to leave Serena, but said he couldn't at the moment because of the pregnacy. The nurse told her, that she had then found out, how Edward used his power to get in the pants of every woman in his orbit. And now she wanted to tell Serena how her husband was deceiving her, so she could get a better future for the child. Edward didn't deserved to be a father.

Only a couple of days before, they had been at their first lamaze class. It was the first time Serena and Bernie met. Serena had been looking forward to the classes, because now she had the feeling Edward was behaving like a husband. At the lamaze class she saw a hint of Edwards deceiving nature. He hadn't been to much help for his wife. Halfway through the session, they had a break and Edward was more busy flirting with a friend of one of the other women, than getting his wife a glass of water. Serena was boiling inside, but she didn't wanted to show it. A hand touched her shoulder lightly. It was Bernie. She was the teacher. She had wanted to teach lamaze because she found it useful for her training, when she could go back to the RAMC. At the beginning of the class she had told them, that she had a son, who would turn two years old, next month and she was living alone with him, but she had joined custody with his dad.

Bernie had later told her, that this was the day, she fell in love with Serena. At the next session she had brought Raf with her. In the break Bernie had asked, where her husband was. Serena had gone pale and her lips went into a straight line. Raf had pulled Bernie aside and had told Bernie about Edwards deceive. Two days after the last lamaze class, she had moved out and Serena now lived with him, until she could move into a appartment later in the week.

The next week Serena came to the lamaze class alone. Raf had to work and couldn't accompany her. Bernie had used Serena as a model to show the class the different exercises.Bernie had been so lovely to her and she felt comfortable and respected. At the end of the class Bernie drove Serena home. Serena had begun to cry in the car. Between her sobs and her silent whisper, Bernie had found out, how miserable Serena was. The heating in her appartment was broken and it was old and dirty. Bernie spent 30 minutes to collect the few of Serenas thing, that was in the appartment. The following day she had got Serenas money back from the landlord. For long Serena didn't knew how. Apparently Bernie knows 13 ways to kill a man with her bare hands. The day after they both went to Edwards house. Serena had never felt it like her house. They had packed all what belonged to Serena. Bernie had found some clothes and had begun to pack it, but Serena didn't recognised any of the items. Edward had already another woman living with him. 

And that was the way, Serena moved into the spare room in Bernies house.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beginning to repeat my self, but thank you for your comment and kudos. They make me want to find out more about the story of our two ladys.
> 
> I'm really fallen in love with Henrik Hanssen in this chapter.

Serena wake up feeling the weight in her arms disappear. She opens her eyes and sees Henrik Hanssen with Charlotte sleeping in his arms.  
“I'm going to lay her on the couch in my office. Do you want me to sit with her?” Henrik whispers.  
Serena rises from the armchair and feels how much her body aches from sitting in the same posture for hours. She strokes Charlottes hair and kisses her forehead, before she nods and says, “Yes, thank you, Henrik”  
Henrik nods and walks out of the room. Serena think he would be a great dad, if he allowed himself to be that. He was a wonderful uncle for her and Bernies children and for Fletch's children too.

Serena walks to Bernies bed and watch her injured wife sleeping. There are more tubes running out of Bernies body, than she want to count. She is wired up to more than one monitor. Serena know she isn't allowed, but she looks in the folder with Bernies observations anyway. She want to know. No, she need to know, how bad it is with Bernie. Suddenly she feels the urge to know everything. She's finally ready to talk with the doctors and know that she can't wait until tomorrow. She need to have insurance right now. But first she needs to go to the toilet.  
In the bathroom she watch in the mirror and sees the rings around her eyes and how tired she looks. She actually need to brush up her make up, but at the moment it doesn't bother her.

She walks to Hanssens office. The door is slightly ajar and has a paper sign on it. “Do not knock, please enter silently” is scribled with Henriks handwriting on the sign. Serena smiles a little and enters the office, whispering “It's me Serena”. The scene she sees, when she enters, is not what she had expected. Hanssen is sitting at the end of the couch where Charlotte is sleeping. Henrik is stroking Charlies hair. Serena is about to say something, when Henrik puts his index finger to his lips to sign for Serena to be silent. Henrik rises after he is sure that Charlotte is sleeping. He comes to Serena and whispers, “She was crying in her sleep and calling for her mummy. I think she had a nightmare.” Again Serena was thankful for his help.

“I need to know more about Bernies operations. It's to late to call Guy Self now. But I can't wait until tomorrow to talk with someone about her operations. Do you think you could fill me in?” Serena asks.  
Henrik nods and begins with a calm voice,”Mr. Self and mr. Valentine had to operate on Bernie in tandem. Mr. Valentine repaired a pseudoaneurysm, while Mr. Self had to perform spinal surgery”. He pauses to assure that Serena understand, what he is telling her. By the look of Hanssens face, Serena know it's bad. “Will she be paralyzed? She asks.  
“Mr. Self is to believe, that Bernie has a good chance to recover without being paralyzed, but we have to wait until she's awake and we can examine her properly.” he answers.  
“I need to go back to Bernie. Is it okay for Charlotte to stay here or do you need to go home?” She looks at Hanssen.  
“I don't need to be anywhere. Maybe I should drive Charlotte home and stay in your spare room and bring her back tomorrow” Hanssen suggests.  
“That would be nice. Are you sure you want to do that for us?”  
Hanssen nods. “I'm her Godfather after all. It's time for me to be more than an uncle to her”  
Serena lays her hand on his arm. She knows he's not into too much touching – except from the children. Secretly she wants to give him a hug. “I have the feeling it's too much to ask of you, but I really need the help now”.  
“It's not” Is his short answer.

Serena give him her spare key and tells him good night. She whispers to Charlotte, that she loves her to the moon and back and then kisses her on the forehead once more, before she goes back to Bernies room. She watch out of the window and sees Hanssen with Charlotte in his arms crossing the parking lot. Essie is helping him getting her into the car. Serena is thankful for all her friends. Now is the time, where she will be needing all the help, she can get. She looks a her watch. It's too late to phone her mother. Adrienne needs to know that it's possible, that they would need her help with the kids, when she and Elinor comes back from the spa. Tomorrow Serena has to figure out if she should call Cams teacher or not. She think, that at the moment, it's better for Cam not to know, how bad his mother is injured. On the other hand, Serena also know, that he would be hurt if she keeps it as a secret, until he's back from Germany. Seneras thoughts begins to wander again.

Adrienne hadn't supported her wishes to divorce Edward. She meant it was more secure for Serena, to stay in a bad marriage, with the baby on the way. Perhaps becoming a father would get Edward to stay more at home. She had adviced Serena to give Edward another chance. He was after all the father of her child. Serena had had a big row with her mother, but one thing she was sure about: She couldn't and wouldn't give Edward another change. She hadn't talked to Adrienne until a couple of days before the birth of Elinor. Bernie had pushed her to get into contact with her mother before the birth.

Only a couple of days after Serena had moved in at Bernies, they began to have their own daily routine. Cam was a happy boy and loved Serena at first sight. They had the luck that Cams father, Marcus, wasn't against Serena looking after his son. Soon they were creating their own little family unit. Two friends taking care of each other, with a loving father on the side, bringing up a son.  
Marcus had found a lovely girlfriend a year earlier and was now living with Helena. Cam already called her, auntie Helena. She loved Cam as much as Serena and his parents. Serena was a little afraid about how he would cope, when the baby was actually there. His was very interessed in her tummy and told everybody that there was a babygirl in Serenas tummy and that he loved the baby. He often came to Serena, only to kiss her tummy and tell the baby, that he loved her.  
Serena knew she wouldn't be able to live, in this lovely bubble, for the rest of her life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got so long, that I had to split it up in two.
> 
> It's time for the birth of Elinor.  
> Please bear over with me. I'm not a midwife.

The day of the birth of Elinor began very chaotic. Bernie had to work and Serena had a Cameron with her in the house. He was at home because of a slight fever and couldn't go to the creche. Serena had assured Bernie, that she was capable to look after a toddler with a fever. Eventhough she felt like a whale expecting a football team, there was still two weeks until her due day. It was beginning to getting on her nerves, that Bernie made so much unnecassary fuss about everything around Serena and the birth. She wasn't the first woman to give birth to a child. Serena now knew, she was expecting a girl. Just what she wanted and it wasn't because she didn't want to satisfy Edwards dream of a son. She had always dreamt of a daughter, that she could dress up in sweet dresses, cute hats and bows.

Cam was a lively little dark haired boy and after he had fallen asleep around 9 am, he was awake again and running around in the livingroom – playing spiderman or some other superhero Serena didn't knew much about.   
She was in the kitchen preparing their lunch. Suddenly she heard a big wail from the livingroom. She rushed into the room. Cam was sitting on the floor with a bloody hand on his forehead. He had ran into a corner of a bookshelf and was bleeding hard. He was crying and calling for his mummy. Serena could see, that a band aid wasn't enough and that they needed to go to the ED. She didn't have a car. Bernie had needed it today and she wouldn't take Cameron with her in a taxi. She called Marcus. She woke him up. He had been on night shift. 

Marcus was very helpful and came and picked them up. Serena had cleaned Cam as best as she could and added an bandage to his head. Marcus had suggested to drive Cameron to the ED without Serena, but Cam wouldn't let go of Serena and had begun to cry again. Cam sat in his childseat in the back. Serena had to sit on the uncomfortable space in the middle of the backseat, so Cam could cuddle onto her shoulder. He wasn't crying anymore. They only heard small sniffles and hiccups from him now.  
They had called Bernies work after they couldn't get hold of her on her mobile. It turned out she was in theatre. The operation was expected to be due within an hour. Cam was doing well as long as he could cuddle onto Serena. They told the nurse, who was answering the phone at Bernies workplace, to tell her to call Serena or Marcus, when she was out of theatre.

In the end it turned out, that the operation was more difficult than anyone had expected and Bernie had been three hours longer in theatre.  
Serena had felt the first labor pain in the ED. She didn't took much notice of them. She had had a lot of braxton hicks contractions this week and her midwife had assured her, that it was normal in the last couple of weeks before the birth. It was her body preparing for the birth. When she felt the first sharp pain, she had gasped and Marcus had, with uneasiness in his voice, asked her, what was wrong. Serena had assured him, that it was only the baby kicking. When she felt another painful contraction again, she knew she couldn't fool Marcus.  
“I think it's the baby, but it's too early. My due day is in two weeks” She said through gritted teeth. Reaching for Marcus' hand to hold through the contraction.

At that exactly moment it became Camerons turn to see a doctor. Marcus was confused and didn't knew what to do. He had to go with Cameron, but he didn't want to let Serena be alone. The contraction was soon over and Serena ordered him to go with his son. A nurse in the ED had watched the hole episode. She kneeled in front of Serena and told her in a firm voice, that she had to examine her. Serena agreed to be examined, but she wouldn't leave the ED. The nurse assured her it was ok, but told her if she was in labor, she might had to go to the maternity ward. Serena had tears in her eyes. This wasn't how she had planned the birth. She hadn't any of her things with her. No birth plan. No clothes for her baby. No music to listen to. And most important of all. Bernie wasn't there. She really missed Bernie. 

They had planned everything. Bernie had asked for leave around Serenas due day. That way she could be there for Serena throughout the labor and the birth. Just a couple a days before, Bernie had said she couldn't wait to meet “our baby girl”. Serena had looked at her with surprise. She had tried to tell Bernie, that she was exided to meet their baby too. But no words came out of her mouth. And Bernies face had gone pale and she eloped from the room. Serena knew it wouldn't be a good idea to try to run after her. She had good reasons. 1. Bernie was a fast runner. 2. Serena wasn't sporty – pregnant or not. 3. She couldn't rise from the couch alone. And most important: She knew Bernie wanted to be alone. Bernie had come back into the livingroom after, what Serena felt like hours. She really needed to pee. She asked Bernie to help her off the couch and they never mentioned, what Bernie had said about the baby. 

Serena felt the same way as Bernie. The baby was theirs and not hers alone and certainly not Edwards baby. She had begun to consider him only as a sperm donor. She couldn't cope with the idea of him, being a father to her child. Her friend Sian Kors is an attorney and was helping her with the divorce. She had hoped, she could've signed the divorce papers before the birth. Because of the baby and the fact that Edward is the father, had made it a bit more complicated with the divorce. They now had to consider the issue of custody of the child. Serena wanted full custody, but Edward wasn't thinking of losing the opportunity to be with his son. Serena had told him, she was expecting a girl. Eventhough the midwife had confirmed, what Serena had told him, he wouldn't believe it.   
“Real men make boys and I'm sure that baby is a boy, you're both lying to me. You and your so called attorney friend. Women always stick together,” he had said and then left the room. It was the last time she had talked with Edward before the birth.

Serena got examined and she was indeed in labour. She was already 3 cm dialated. She protested. She couldn't be in labour. Her water hadn't broken yet. The nurse had called the maternity ward for a midwife to come down to the ED. The midwife that examined her, had smiled at her and told her that there's only one thing about a birth, you can be sure about. “There is nothing normal. Every birth is different.” The nurse had asked her, if she should get her husband, meaning to get Marcus for her. Serena had another contraction and had told the nurse thought gritted teeth, that she didn't had a husband, because she was divorcing the scumbag of a deceiving desaster of a man, that happened to be the father of her child. The nurse looked at her with horror and then at the bed where Cam and Marcus was sitting. Serena suddenly understand.  
“No. no, no. He isn't my husband. He's a friend. Cameron is his son. I temporally live with his mother. I was looking after Cameron, when he hurt his head.” She explained.  
She got another contraction. “I need Bernie now” she had cried out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the birth of Elinor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a good writing flow today and want to thank you all for your comments and kudos.

When the contraction was over, she saw Marcus talking to the nurse at the desk. He had Cameron sitting on his arm. He now had a small band aid on his forehead and he was holding his favourite stuffed animal – a small rabbit, he had got from Serena to his birthday. She could see how tired Cam was. He really needed a nap. Marcus and Cam soon came to Serenas bed.  
“I've called Helena to pick up Cameron. It's time for him to get a nap.” Marcus said.  
“Me want to kiss baby and cuddle S'rena” Camerom tried to get off his fathers arm and into Serenas bed. Marcus placed him on the bed and told him to be carefull, because the baby would soon be born. Cam looked like a big question. “Serena is in labor and it hurts a lot, but it's because the baby wants to meet us all today”. Marcus explained. Cam bites his lower lip and crawled up to lay beside Serena. He looked her in the eyes and patted her on her cheek. “S'rena, me take care of you. Don't sad. Me big boy now. Doctor say. Cam love baby” and then he cuddled into her side. 

Cam was almost asleep, when Serena got another contraction. She tried not to scream. She didn't want to scare Cameron. Marcus saw what was wrong. He took Cameron and placed him on a chair. Serena reached out for Marcus' hand. She needed support right now, when she couldn't have Bernie, Marcus had to be the next best alternative. When the contraction was over, the midwife informed her, that it was time for her to get up to the maternity ward. Serena looked with horror in her eyes at Marcus. “I'm not ready and where's Bernie.” She began to cry.  
“She's coming as fast as she can. I'm staying with you, as long as you need me. Helena picks Cameron up in a few minutes.” He said with a soothing voice. “Look, there she is” He said matter of factly.  
Serena looked up and saw a smiling Helena greeting her. Telling her, she had picked up her suitcase with all the stuff, she and Bernie had packed for the birth. Helena picked up a sleepy Cameron and he cuddled into her chest. She kissed Marcus and said goodbye to Serena.

Marcus followed her to the maternity ward. He held her hand through the next hour of contractions. He was a great support. More than once, he tried to get in contact with Bernie, but hadn't much luck. Serena was now in a hospital gown and Marcus was speaking to the midwife. The midwife was concerned, because Serenas water hadn't broken yet. She was processing well on the dilation.   
Serena felt like something suddenly popped inside her and her bed went all wet. She sighed out very loud and felt a little embarrassed.  
The midwife clapped her hand. “Oh goody, now we don't have to worry about that anymore” She had said full of joy. Serena remember thinking, that the midwife had almost sung a praise, because her water had broken.

Marcus helped her out of the bed and into the bathroom, so she could change into a dry hospital gown. He had left her alone. When she came back into the room, the nurse had changed the sheets on the bed and Bernie was looking concerned at her. She was still wearing scrubs.  
“Bernie, you're here” She said with surprise. Bernie stormed to her and gave a hug. Or she tried to, without hurting Serena. Quickly Bernie began to fuss around and Serena had to bite her tongue. It was sweet, that Bernie was so concerned, but it was still getting on her nerves. She let Bernie help her back into bed. Bernie stroked her forehead. Serena felt at ease and let her self enjoy Bernies cold fingers. Bernie told her, in an assuring voice, that she had clocked off and didn't had to work for the next couple of days. She had switched her schedule, so she could be there for Serena. She didn't told her, what she had to promise to convince her colleagues to take over her shifts. Serena found out, when Elinor was two weeks old and Bernie informed her, that she had to work on night shifts for the next week. She quickly added, that she had invited Adrienne to come and live with them that week. Serena still needed a lot of help.

The labor went on and on the whole night. After almost 18 hours of labor Serena wasn't near enough to meet her long awaited daugther. It was early in the morning. Bernie was holding her hand and Serena squeezed it almost violently. Still, Bernie didn't showed if that hurt her.  
Everytime Serena had a break between contractions, she was almost chanting, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you, did I hurt you, did I hurt you”.   
Everytime she got the same answer from Bernie. “No, I'm fine. You have to concentrate on meeting your daugther now.” While she was stroking Serenas forehead with her other hand or a cold washcloth or feeding her small ice cubes. She never let go of Serenas hand, if it wasn't necessary.

Around lunchtime the midwife examined Serena again, while Bernie was downstairs to inhale a sandwich, pour down a strong and hot cup of coffee and smoking half a cigarette. She knew, she had to stop. Serena didn't like, that she smoked. She was right; it wasn't healthy and it looked bad, that a doctor was smoking. And her best argument: It wasn't healthy for the kids. At that moment, she really needed something to calm her down. There it was again. The kids. She really wished Serenas baby girl, to be hers too. She didn't knew, how to break the subject to Serena. Bernie was very much in love with her best friend. She had known for a long time, that she's a lesbian. That she had ended up in bed with Marcus, was a big drunken mistake. The condom had broken and with her bad luck, she ended up pregnant. She was embarrassed for a long time. She thanked a God, she don't believe exist, that her parents wasn't alive to be a part of her embarrassment. Marcus had been very supportive, when she finally had courage enough to tell him. It turned out, that she was five month pregnant at that moment. Luckily she wasn't showing, before she was in the end of her pregnacy. She had worked until two weeks before the birth of Cameron. He was the greatest gift of her life and she couldn't imagine a life without him.

She had been training to be a doctor in the RAMC, when she found out, she was pregnant. Her commanding officer had convinced her to take a break from the program. He had gone wider than his authorities and had helped her to get a job as a F1 at Holby City hospital. That's why, she was still in her scrubs. She was now working as a F2 on Kellar ward, at the same hospital, where Serena was now giving birth to their, no, her daughter. Bernie kept on forgetting, that the baby was only Serenas and not their baby.

When she got back to Serenas room, she was met by the sight of a sobbing Serena. She quickly got her arm around Serena, asking what had happened, while she was away.  
Serena had tried to explain, but Bernie hadn't understand much of what she said. She thought, she had heard the word C-section. The midwife came back into the room. Bernie had heard right. The midwife told her, that they didn't found it healthy for Serena and the baby, to try for a natural birth any longer. The last two hours the dilation hadn't proceeded like they had hoped for. Serena was exhausted and the baby was beginning to show signs of distress. The best for both of them, would be an emergency C-section. The midwife pleaded Bernie to convince Serena, that it was the right thing to do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elinor is finally born.  
> The past and the present is in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments.
> 
> The lady are steeling my night sleep. They keep on insisting for their story to be told.
> 
> Henrik is a great uncle ;-)

The early morning sunbeams shines through the window. Serena is enjoying the sight of the rising sun. She loves how the sun is almost kissing her wifes hair. Serena had pushed the armchair nearer to Bernies bed. She had slept a couple of hours, until an alarm had set off on one of Bernies monitors. A nurse was soon in the room and it turned out it was a false alarm. Serena had held Bernies hand. When Serena stirred in her sleep, she had pulled a wire loose. She apologizes to the nurse. It's so hard to sit by Bernies bed and not touching her. She hadn't touched her wife since she left for her last tour, four month ago. The whole family was looking forward to getting her home for keeps. They all dreamt of being a 'normal' family every day, for the rest of their lives. Was their dream soon to be broken? Were they going to live a life without...Serena can't think this thought to an end. She knows she can't live without the love of her life. She would only survive because of the kids. She don't want the kids to grow up without both their mothers.

Serena shakes her head. Why think of Bernies death, when she's still here? Now is the time for both of them to fight. She needs to be present for her wife. She wants her to fight for her life, so they can become the family they both are dreaming about. She silent prays for Bernie, not to be paralyzed. With her own medical knowledge, she's realistic too. A fully recovery would be a miracle. She hopes for Bernie to achieve as much of her normal strength as possible. She wishes, that Bernie is ready to fight, when she wakes up. Serena is sure she''ll get her wife back. She just doesn't know in which physical or mental state, that will be. 

Serena begins to think back on the time, when she fell in love with Bernie. She realized, she had feelings for Bernie after the birth of Elinor. She had woken up after her emergency C-section and Bernie was sitting next to her bed, cooing at Elinor in her arms. If she didn't knew better, you could take Bernie to be the mother of Elinor. Serenas heart was overflowing with love for both of her girls. Her best friend and her newborn daugther. She was very happy. She wasn't sure how much of her joy, was the result of the medication, but she was really delighted to be shearing this moment with Bernie.

“You're awake.” Bernie was looking at her, with eyes full of joy or was it love?. “This is the most beautiful baby girl, I've ever layed my eyes on.” She had sighed.  
“Show me. I haven't seen her yet.” Serena had whispered.  
Bernie stood up and positioned Elinor in her mothers arms, after she had ensured, that Serena was sitting comfortable. “She's perfect.” They both said simultaneously .  
“She's just as beautiful, as her mother.” Bernie mumbled.  
Serena felt a warmth, she hadn't felt for a long time. She was so happy. Her heart was swelling in her chest. She could feel, how her love for her daugther, was growing minute by minute. She was stroking the babys chestnut brown hair. She had never believed a baby could be born with so much hair. Every newborn she had met, was almost bald.  
“She has your nose and your eyes”. Bernie stirred her out of her dreams.  
“She has?” She had asked. The only answer she got, was a nod from Bernie, who was completely engulfed in her examination of Elinors features.  
“Thank God, she doesn't look like her dad.” Was Serenas next statement. She didn't want to use his name. She didn't want to spoil her bubble of happiness with Bernie and the baby.

Since she had moved in with Bernie, they had developed a strong friendship. Bernie had escorted her for her appointments with the midwife. Bernie had massaged her swollen ankles and her aching back. She had run dozens of relaxing baths and helped Serena to put moisturising cream on her stretch marks. Bernie had read fairytales for the belly, while it growed bigger and bigger. Serena couldn't remember, ever to have been so pampered before.  
They had adapted the nursery for the baby together. There was a lot of Cams baby clothes Serena could use for the baby. But Bernie had insisted on new furniture and on buying a new set of clothes for the baby to wear, when they would go home from the hospital.

The last couple of months, they had become a unit. They were always together, except when they were working. Bernie had helped Serena to get a job in Holby City Hospital. There was no chance, that Serena would ever work in the same place as Edward again. She had got an assistent job in the research department, while she also participated in her studies on genetic engineering.  
Bernie wanted her to slow down. She had said, that she could live with her for free, but Serena insisted on paying rent. Bernie sat the rent to be only symbolic. She was helping out taking care of Cameron after all and she did a lot of the housekeeping, which Bernie hated to do herself. Serena is a good cook and Bernie and Cameron hadn't eaten so well before. Or at least Bernie hadn't. She didn't knew, what Marcus or Helena cooked, when Cam was at their place.

“Mum, mum. I've missed you.” Charlottes voice sends Serena back to the present.  
She comes running into the room, places her young body on Serenas lap and hugs her mother tight.  
“Has uncle Henrik given you breakfast?” Her mum asks.  
Charlotte nods and begins to ramble about her uncle cooking her scrambled eggs with beans and toast. He had allowed her to drink chocolate milk instead of her usual milk or orangejuice.  
Serena looked at Henrik. He had been a little behind. How could a 9 year old be so fast? He wonder. With Serenas face impression, he knows, Charlotte had told her about the chocolate milk.  
“I'm, I'm her uncle you know.” He stutters. “I'm allowed to... to... spoil her.” He continues. He smiles shy to Serena. She tries to be firm, but can't stop giggling.  
“Thank you for your help, Henrik.”  
“You're very welcome. Just tell me if you need my help” He answers with his usual composed voice.

He pats Charlotte on the head, winks at her with his left eye and leaves the room with a “Goodbye, see you later. And Serena don't hesitate on contacting me, if you need my help.” Serena nods.  
Charlotte giggles. She knows this is not the time, to tell her mum about the donut, uncle Henrik let her eat in the car.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for a new chapter to read when wakes up.
> 
> Again thank you for the comments and kudos.
> 
> This chapter is a little longer

Most of the morning Serena and Charlotte just sat in the armchair, talking and looking at Bernie. A couple of times, they got send out of the room, because the doctors had to examine Bernie and the nurse had to change her dressings. Secretly Serena wants to look, what's under Bernies dressings. Just to assure herself, that her wife was going to survive. She also knows, that she couldn't look directly at Bernies injuries. It would simply hurt to much to know, exactly how big Bernies scars would be. Not because, she would suddenly find Bernie unattractive, but because the scars would surely remind her, that she almost lost her wife – the love of her life. If she could, she would do everything to take away Bernies pain. She would do everything to make Bernie wake up. She missed her beautiful eyes, her smile and the way she blushes, when Serena tells her how beautiful and sexy she is.

“Mum? Can I borrow your tablet? I want to play a game.” Charlotte pleads. She wasn't allowed to play games on her mobile. School politics.  
“Yes, darling. But only for half an hour. Okay?”  
Charlotte mumbles that it's to little time and pouts.  
Serena don't take notice of Charlies protests.  
“30 minutes or nothing young lady” She demands. “I have to call Granny and try to contact Cams teacher. Okay?” She tells in a softer voice.  
“Okay. Tell Granny I love her and miss her.” Charlotte answers. Already engrossed in her game.

When Adrienne finally answers her phone, she's annoyed. She really hates that bloody cellphone. She only has it, because of her grandchildren. It was easier to be in contact with them, with a so called mobile. She still needed to figures out the whole texting thing. At least she had learned to read them, when she got a text. Elinor had used yesterday evening to try to learn her, how to answer them too. In the end the cellphone had run out of power and she had forgot to turn it on, when she woke up.  
Serena had ended up texting Elinor to aks her Granny to turn on her cellphone.

“Rena, what is so urgent, that it can't wait? We'll be home tonight. I haven't time to talk, we're on our way to get a massage” Adrienne had huffed into the phone.  
“Mum, Bernie is back in Holby. She's..” Adrienne interupts her.  
“That's nice, but why are you making such a fuss about that. It's wonderful for you and the kids, that she's back, but I still don't understand.”  
“Mum, please listen to me. Bernie is in hospital. She got hit by an IED” Adrienne begins to realise, what Serena is telling her.  
“How bad is it?” She asks.  
Serena tells Adrienne all that she knows.  
“Okay, darling. Do you want us to come home immediately”.  
“No, but I need you to prepare Elinor of what is happened to her mummy and I want to ask you, if you can stay at our house for the next couple of days and help with the girls” .  
“I'll be happy to help, but I can only be there for the girls in the morning and again from around supper. I have to work too. Is that okay?” Adrienne works as a secretary at a real estate agent.  
“It's fine, mum. Thank you. I'm sure Raf or Fletch can take care of Charlie a couple of afternoons, when she comes home from school. Ellie is old enough to be home alone until you're home from work.” Serena answers.  
“Are you going to stay with Bernie? Where is Charlotte?” Adrienne finds it's difficult to call Bernie Serenas wife. A marriage is holy and only to be between a man and a woman. She adores Bernie. She's good for Serena and she had given her two extra grandchildren. It's fine for her to call her Serenas partner, but in her eyes Serena should have a husband - not a wife.  
“Charlie is here with me” Serena answers,  
“Okay, when we're back, we'll come to the hospital and we're taking her home with us” Adrienne commands and ends the call.

“You forgot to greet Granny from me” Charlotte says with a pout.  
“No, Honey. Granny hung up before I could tell her. You know how much she hates to use her cellphone” Serena says defensible.  
“Granny is going to pick you up, when she and Ellie gets back from the spa tonight. She's going to stay with us until we know, mummy is getting better, okay.” She strokes Charlottes cheek.  
“I want to stay with you and mummy” Charlotte protests.  
“No” Was the firm answer, she got from her mum. She know when her mother uses her special voice, you don't want to argue with her. So she keeps her mouth shut.

Serena has to make more calls and is happy, when she sees Raf coming into the room.  
“Is it okay, if I invite this beautiful princess on a lunch date?” He says with a glint in his eye.  
It isn't Charlies fault, that Serena and Raf can't be friends at the moment. She's still his daugther.  
“Dad, you're here.” Charlotte runs to her father and gives him a bone crushing hug.  
“It's fine. I need some time to call Cams teacher and some other people.” Serena answers. She knows, why Raf is mad at her and the reason why. He can't forgive her right now. But he's a great dad for Charlotte and he loves her more than anything in the world. He loves her more than his wife Amy, Serene thinks. Serena has the feeling something is wrong between Amy and Raf. She don't feel, that she has the right to talk to him about it, as long as he's mad at her.

They leaves the room for their lunch date and Serena is alone with Bernie again.  
She looks at her wifes lifeless body. The small noises from the machines attached to her body is the only sign, that she's alive.  
“Oh, darling. Please wake up. I really needs you right now. There is so much I need to talk to you about.” She waits a little, hoping for a sign from Bernie.  
When nothing happens, she turns back to her task and phones Cams teacher.

She's lucky. Mr. Fairbanks answers quickly. She explains the situation and asks for his opinion about, when and how to tell Cameron about his mother.  
“Ms. McKinnie, I think it's best to tell him as fast as possible. He's right here next to me. I think it's better for both of you to tell him now” And he hands his cellphone to Cameron, telling him, that it's his mother calling.  
“Madre. I thought you wasn't going to be back in Holby before the summerholidays.” He greets.  
“Cam, it's mum. Your mother is in hospital. She came back yesterday, badly injured. I want you to know, that she'll survive, but we still don't know, how her injuries will affect her. I don't want you to worry to much. I want you to enjoy the rest of your stay in Germany.” There is a moment of silence.  
“You don't want me to come back?” He asks with concern in his voice.  
“No Honey, mummy is in a induced coma and you coming home early, won't change that.” Serena says with love in her voice.  
“Okay. Tell her I love her. Love you too. Bye mum.” Cameron hands the cellphone back to his teacher. Serena could hear her son was disappointed and worried.  
“Mr. Fairbanks, I hope you'll take care of Cam. If he wants to come back early, we'll of course pay for the ticket.”  
“Ms. McKinnie, I think he'll stay here. Will it do a difference for your partner, if he comes back early? I don't think so.”  
“No. You're right. Okay, thank you very much for your help.” Serena answers and they says their goodbyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter as promised
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Serena has the feeling the time is running backwards. It's only in the middle of the afternoon, but she has the feeling, that it had to be late in the evening. So much is already happened today. The doctors had examined Bernie and told her, that tomorrow they will try to turn down the medications, they use for the induced coma, to try to wake her up. Guy Self had taken Serena through the procedures, he and Oliver Valentine had used in theatre. Bernies heart had stopped for a moment. Valentine had held her heart in his hand and had massaged her back to life. It dawned more and more to Serena, that it's a miracle that Bernie is still alive. She had phoned all the people she needed to. Charlie was on her lunch date with her dad. She was beginning to feel the need for company.  
“You need to eat Serena” Hanssen stands in front of her with a sandwich and a coffee.  
“Can you please wear louder shoes.” Serena almost shouts.  
She thanks for the sandwich and enjoys the first sip of her coffee.

“Stay” She whispers, when Henrik is about to walk away. “I need to talk to a friend” She adds.  
He nods and take one of the visitor chairs. Hanssen, who normally won't show any affection in public, lays his hand over hers and waits for Serena to start talking. Slowly stroking her knuckles with his thumb. She likes him holding her hand, more than she is ready to admit.  
“Henrik, I have a really big secret. I need to tell Bernie, but I'm afraid to loose her, because of what I've done.” She looks down on her feet.  
“What could be so horrible, that Bernie would leave you? Have you been unfaithful to her?” He asks with his soothing voice. Assuring her to keep on talking.  
“No!” Serena says shocked.  
“Then I don't think, you can have done anything, that is so bad, that Bernie will leave you.” He pats her hand lightly.  
“I don't know.” Serena answers with tears in her eyes.  
“Is it so wrong, that you can't tell me.” He asks softly.  
Serena nods.  
“Then you have to talk her, when she's well enough and she will be in the future. I'm sure she will understand. She loves you so much, Serena”  
“I know, but it's really hard for me. Right now, I don't know if I ever gets the opportunity to tell her”. Serena begins to cry and hides her face in her hand. Hanssen sneaks his arm around her back and comforts her until she stops crying.  
“I need to go back to the office. The hospital will hardly run itself, if I keep on sitting her holding your hand. Eventhough it's nice, I need to go back to work.” Hanssen rises and smiles at Serena.

She's left alone with her thoughts again. How is she ever, going to be brave enough, to tell her secret to Bernie. She had thought, she never needed to tell, what she had done. Last month, Raf had given her an ultimatum. If she don't talk to Bernie, he will. She had thought, she still had two months to figure out, what to say to her wife. How to find the right words, to prevent Bernie leaving her. She can't talk to anybody about it, because Raf is the only one who knows and she don't want someone else to be involved. Now that she most likely had lost Raf as a confidant, she was left all alone with her secret.

“Here we are again.” She hears. Serena rises her head and sees Raf and Charlotte coming into the room.  
“Hi. Did you have fun?” She asks.  
“Mum. We went to McDonalds. I told dad, that you and mummy don't want us to eat there, but the other day, I saw Ellie eating there with her friends. I've also seen Cam eat there with his friends, so I wanted to know why, I'm not allowed to eat there.” Charlotte babbles out. “The burgers tastes really good and the french fries are delicious. I even got an icecream.” She continues.  
Serena is tired. She looks at her daughter, sighs and curses silently in her head, that her daugther can't keep a secret.  
“It's okay, darling. But I need you to understand, that you can't eat at McDonalds too often. The food is expencive and it isn't healthy for you to eat all the time. I know Ellie and Cam sometimes go there with their friends, but that's only, when I or mummy have given them permission to go there. I'm happy you had a wonderful lunch date with your dad.”  
Charlotte accepts her mums explanation. She says her goodbyes to her dad and wanders to Bernies bed.  
“Mummy, I love you. Please wake up soon. We need you. I have so much to tell you. I went to McDonalds with dad today.” She whispers in Bernies ear.  
Raf stands by the door. He nods a goodbye to Serena and walks away. Immediately she gets a bad conscience.

The rest of the evening Charlotte and Serena sits snuggled together in the armchair and Serena continues to tell Charlotte the story about, how she met Bernie.  
She is about to tell her about the moment, when she realised, she had fallen in love with Bernie, when suddenly Adrienne and Elinor arrives on the ward.  
Adrienne enters the sideroom. Charlotte runs to her grandmother and hugs her. “Granny, you're here. Mum forgot to tell you on the phone, that I've missed you” She babbles away.  
“Sorry, Darling. I missed you too. I need to talk to your mother now. Elinor is outside. Perhaps you can convince her to enter the room.” All three looks up and watch Elinor standing outside of the room, trying not to look at Bernie in the bed. Charlotte walk out of the room and offers her sister her hand. Elinor accepts her offer.

“I've used most of the afternoon to convince the young lady, that it would be a good thing for her to see for herself, that Bernie is alive, but she's so stubborn, just like her mother.” Adrienne begins to   
criticize, how Serena and Bernie raise their kids. Serena had heard it all before on multiple occasions. She simply shuts Adriennes voice out.  
Adrienne talks and talks.  
When Serena has had enough, she helds her hands up and says. “Shut up, mum. I can't cope with you criticizing me right now. My wife is fighting for her life and I need you to take the girls home. You can all come back tomorrow. Perhaps Ellie is more interesseted to see Bernie, when she has talked a little more with her sister and had a nights sleep. Ellie need to process in her own time and pace”.  
Adrienne nods and mumbles something about Serena being stubborn and ungrateful. Serena boils inside, but will not let her mum get the satisfaction, to see that she had hurt Serena.

Serena follows Adrienne to find the girls outside in the relatives room. Elinor immediately hugs her mum and whispers. “Is she going to die?”  
Serena don't know what to answer. Charlotte comes to her rescue. “Uncle Henrik says, that she will survive. He's very smart you know”. Elinor looks at her sister, but Serena can see in her eyes, that she doesn't fully believe her sister.  
“I know you're scared, darling. Mum is scared too, but your mummy is stable and the docters will try to wake her from her deep sleep tomorrow. I believe, that's a good sign. Don't you think too?”  
Serena looks her daugther in the eyes and finally Elinor nods. “Yes. Goodnight mum. Do you think mummy will hear you if you tell her, that I love her?” She whispers. Serena know, this isn't the time to push Elinor into telling Bernie herself.  
“I don't know, but I'm sure, she already know, that you love her. Goodnight girls. Be kind to Granny, Okay.” Both girls nods and Serena kisses them goodbye.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

It's sunday morning. Serena's greatful, that she works at Holby, she has just had time to go her office, in the research department, to change her clothes. She even got to the staff locker room to take a bath. It had suddenly occurred to her, that she hadn't left Bernies room for almost 40 hours. She's happy for her own practicallity of having an extra set of clothes in her office. You never know what kind of bodily fluids, you can get on your clothes, even wearing a lab jacket.  
The doctors and nurses are busy around Bernies bed, when she comes back to the room. Serena is allowed to stand in a corner of the room. “Maybe, Bernie will wake up easier, if she hears your voice,” Essie had said.  
She can feel a presence outside the room. It's Hanssen. It warms her heart, that she know how much her friends and colleagues is supporting her. How much they are all praying for the same thing – Bernie to wake up.

She feel a hand on her shoulder. It's Essie. She leads Serena to Bernies bed. Some of the wires are removed and they have extubated her too. The doctors were only monitoring Bernies heart now. The drainage tubes running out from under her dressings, an IV-line in her right hand and her urinal bag is the signs, that tells Serena, that her wife has a long battle in front of her. It's possible for Serena to hold Bernies hand again without being afraid of setting an alarm off.   
“When will she wake up?” she asks Guy Self.  
“I really can't say. Is up to ms. Wolfe now. It can take hours or days. Even weeks. The positive thing is, that she can breath by her self. I can't promise you a time or date, if that's what's you're asking.” He answer nonchalantly. Serena nods. 

When the doctors and nurses have left the room, she pulls the armchair next to Bernies bed.   
She stands for a while. Looking at Bernie laying in the bed so peacefully. The nurses had washed her hear and face. They had cleaned her wounds too. Her face don't look so mutilated as it looked, when she first saw and talked to her, when she arrived to the hospital. Henrik had told her, that Bernie arrived in the back of a military vehicle. At first she was chocked, when she heard that. He had assured her, that the officers that had escorted Bernie, had acted very professional and they had stabilised her all the way from the military airfield.  
Serena strokes Bernies forehead with her hand, then a cheek with her thumb, gives Bernie a kiss on the temple and then a soft kiss on her lips. She's looking forward to the taste of chocolate and honeycomb, when she can kiss her wife properly. She takes Bernies left hand in hers and sits down. She takes both of their hands to her lips and kisses her wifes hand.

“Darling, I need you to wake up for me. I love you so much and I can't imagine a life without you.” Serena declares. She is holding Bernies hand in her own two hands. Kissing it again and again after every sentence she say. “I don't know if your hear or feel me. I just need you to come back to your family.” She continues. She's interupted in her monologue of endearing words and prays for Bernie. She hears the tapping of running feet and she's pretty sure they belongs to her 9 year old daughter. She looks out on the ward and sees Charlotte running to the door. “Charlotte McKinnie-Wolfe it's not suitable for a young lady to run in a hospital. It's not suitable for anyone.” Serena hears Adrienne yelling. Silently thinking, that it's not suitable to yell either. Behind Adrienne she sees a cross looking Jason. Oh, she had forgotten to call Alan, to tell him about Bernie and cancel Jason living with them until tuesday. Jason isn't doing well with last minute changes of his schedule. His Aspergers made it hard for him to cope with surprises and Serena is sure, that it had been a big surprise to arrive to a house with Adrienne looking after the girls, no Serena and being told Bernie is in hospital. He would've felt ambushed, because noone had prepared him. Serena could see on his face expression, that he now was in the fase of being upset, that they haven't told him, when it was two days ago, that Bernie got injured.  
A couple of meters behind Jason is Elinor. She is hesitating entering the ward. Serena sees Henrik coming into the ward. He stops and lays an arm around Elinor. Serena can see that her oldest daugther is upset. She's sure Henrik will calm her down. The two of them have always had a special bond. The three remaining family members enters the room. Adrienne is still fussing over Charlotte.

“Auntie Serena, I find it very inappropriate of you, not to tell me, that auntie Bernie is in hospital. And I'm very cross, that you haven't called Alan either or at least asked someone to call him.” Jason huffs.  
“I'm really sorry, darling” She says while storking his arm. Jason isn't into to much affection. Charlotte are in fact the only one, he allows to give him a hug. Charlottes isn't a person you can push away or say no to, if she wants to give you a hug. They had immidiately bonded, when Jason came into their lives. In the beginning Elinor and Jason hated each other with passion. From one day to another, they began to accept and respect each other. It turned out, that Jason had defended Elinor on the bus. Some bullies from another school had harassed her and teased her about having two mums and no father. Jason had corrected them and told them, that Elinor in fact has a father but he's a bad one and Elinor is lucky to have two mums, that loved her more than anything. Jason had followed her home, eventhough it was a thursday and it wasn't planned that Jason should stay with them. He had made tea for her with an extra teaspoon of sugar in it. He had stayed with her until Serena came home and told her, why Elinor was upset. Serena was still disappointed, that her mother hadn't told her, that she had a sister.

It had been awkward a first, when Jason had contacted them. Adrienne wasn't to much help. Serena had talked Jason into letting her do a DNA test, just to be sure they were related. Jason hadn't protested, because he already knew the answer from the test. She loves the way Jason sees the world around him. He has a investigating approch to most of what he does. He take what you say to him as facts. He doesn't understand underlying motives and that's what makes him vulnerable. After they got the test result, they had confronted Adrienne and she had told them all about, how she had to give up her child for adoption. Her parents had forced her to do it. She was young and unmarried. It was what you did back then, if you got pregnant and couldn't marry the father. It had been a big scandal in the family. Not to disappoint her parents, she had let them have their will. 

The family who had adopted Marjorie had contacted her anonymously at first. To let her know, how well her daugther was doing. After a while, they proposed for her to come and visit. The family knew Adrienne didn't want to give up her daugther. She began to visit the family on regular basis until she met Serenas father, without her parents knowing. When she got married and soon after gave birth to Serena, the visits at her daugthers family got more and more unregular. At the end the family asked her to stay away and concentrate on her own family. She was still allowed to write to Marjorie. When Marjorie was going to get married, she had contacted Adrienne and they began to meet regulary again. After Jason was born and his dad had left the family, Adrienne had tried to help them. She was the one, who helped getting Jason accepted to a school for children with the same needs as him.

Marjorie died from cancer almost two years ago. Jason went to live in a group home. Adrienne had visited her grandson and found out how miserable he was. She had searched for a personal carer and found Alan. Jason had found out, that Alan likes Star Wars, Dr. Who and Mary Beard documentaries and immidiately accepted to live with him.  
Serena and Adrienne had had a big row and hadn't talked to each other for weeks. The children had forced them to talk. Giving them both an ultimatum. They had to start taking or the children would celebrate Christmas with Raf and Fletch or at Marcus' house without the both of them. The children know how, Serena and Adrienne both loves Christmas and wants to celebrate with the whole family. The kids had used very reasonable arguments, like it was the first Christmas together with Jason etc.  
In the end it turned out to be a lovely Christmas. Serena and Adrienne had learned to live with the fact, that they agreed to disagree.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie can't draw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so grateful for all your comments and kudos.
> 
> So here is an extra chapter for you all

Serenas cellphone vibrates in her pocket. It's Hanssen.  
“Hello, Serena. I want to ask you, if it's okay if Elinor stays in my office until Adrienne drives the girls and Jason home? She isn't able to see Bernie yet.”  
“It's okay Henrik. Thank you for asking. I know she needs time.” Serena answers.  
Elinor had always been sensible about Bernies job in the RAMC. Every time Bernie was leaving for a tour, Elinor was clingy and wouldn't leave her mummy out of sight. Two weeks before Bernies departure, was usual filled with Elinor being a brat, crying, cursing her mothers job in the army or simply clinging on to Bernie. Every time Bernie comes back from a tour, Elinor will be checking up on her contantly to be sure her mummy is home and won't be leaving too soon. Always having the same question for Bernie: “Was that your last tour mummy?”  
The first time Bernie was away on tour, Elinor didn't understand much. She was too young to understand, why her mummy didn't came home to her every night. When Bernie finally came home Elinor hadn't left her side for a week. Where Bernie was, you'd find Elinor too. She had slept in their bed for two weeks clinging on to Bernie, just to be sure, she was still there.

Jason had finally accepted her apologies and is now sitting engrossed in something on his tablet. Charlotte stand next to the bed and talks to Bernie, while holding her hand. She babbles on and on about all that has happened to her since Bernie left for her tour. Serena think it's sweet, that it doesn't matter to her daugther, that her mummy is in a coma. It had become a ritual for the two of them, when Bernie came back from being abroad. Charlotte insisted on telling Bernie everything she had done, while she was away. In return Bernie had to tell how many people she had saved. Not how she had done it or what their injuries was – only a number. Serena finally understand the piece of paper Bernie had given her, when she arrived to the hospital. The message on the paper was: C = 873 and Bernie had painted a heart under the C and something that looked like a cat or mouse or some other animal. After the drawing Bernie has scribled 3 + S. Serena has never been good at guessing what Bernie draws.

Serena takes the piece of paper from her bag and gives it to Charlotte. She looks at it and whisper:”I love you too mummy. And I know Ellie, Cam and mum loves you to the moon and back too. 873 is a lot. You're a real hero. My hero. Our hero.” Then she turns to Serena and commands a hug. She cuddles into her mum. Serena kisses her on the hair and asks: “What does mummys drawings mean?” Charlotte giggles: “Mummy isn't the best to draw, but I know what it means.”  
Serena is now holding Charlotte, so she can see her face. She looks at her daughter questioningly.  
“It means, that she has saved 873 lives on this tour and that she love us all. The last drawing is a puppy. 3 stand for Cam, Ellie and me. S is you mum.” Bernie has always called her children for her cubs. Serena had always thought, that the number Bernie told, was just a number she said to satisfy Charlotte. The piece of paper showed Serena, that Bernie was taking it very serious to be honest to her daughter about her job.

Hanssen is suddenly in the room. That man really need to wear louder shoes or learn to make more noise. He's there because, Elinor wants to talk to Serena. She follows him back to his office. Elinor is sitting on his couch with her arms around her knees. She looks so vulnerable with damp cheeks from her silent crying.  
“I've tried to convince her to go into Bernies room.” Henrik says. “I think she's finally ready” He continues.  
Serena sits down next to her daugther and puys her arm around her back. Elinor begins to sob out loud. Serena cradle her softly back and forth, while kissing her temple and shushing to help calm Elinor down.  
After a couple of minutes Elinor is so calm, that she only sniffles and she begins to talk. “Mum, I think I'm ready to she mummy. Can we go in there alone. Just you and me? I don't want the others to see me crying and I'm sure I'll cry again, when I see mummy. She had promised me to come home alive and without injuries. She promised, that this was her last tour. If we are lucky, that she wakes up and has a fully recovery, she'll never has to go back to the army. Is she?. I'm so scared, we're going to loose her. I want her to wake up and tell me, that she stays in Holby forever.” Serena kisses her hair and nods. “Yes Honey. It's correct, mummy will stay in Holby now. And I believe, that she'll wake up soon.” She rises from the couch and offers Elinor her hand. “Come on, let's go and say hello to your mummy.”

Serena has send the rest of the family out of the room and is now standing next to Bernies bed with her arm around Elinors back. Elinor reaches for Bernies hand, but she doesn't have courage enough to touch the hand.  
“It's okay, Darling. You can touch her. It wont hurt her. You can talk to her too.”  
Elinor takes the last step. She begins to talk softly to her mummy, while holding her hand. Still having Serenas arm around her back for support.  
“Mummy, you promised me to come home to us alive and without injuries, just like you promise every time you're away. I'm so scared that you'll never wake up. I need you. We need you. Please wake up”. She pleads and begins to sob again. Serena is cuddling her daugther with tears in her own eyes.

Adrienne enters the room, telling Serena, that she will drive home with the kids now. She has to make supper and be sure the girls are ready for school tomorrow. She puts a suitcase on the floor, with some extra clothes for Serena. Adrienne would never use a sportsbag or plasticbag. Serena assures, that Elinor is fine with leaving now. She kisses the girls and says goodnight to all four of them.

She's alone with Bernie again. Her head spins. So much is happened today. “Darling, I love you.” She sits down in the armchair. Take Bernies hand in hers. “Please wake up soon.” She sighs and closes her eyes. A little nap would be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're properbly wondering where the number 873 comes from. I've imagine the equation to be something like this.  
> Bernie has been abroad for about 6 month = 180 days.  
> Charlotte wants Bernie to count every contact with a patient, where the patient can leave the hospital alive. That includes contacts with patient, where Bernie only puts on a band aid, a dressing or plaster a broken bone. I believe 4-6 successful contacts a day is reasonable.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie wants to be more part of the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for another throwback.
> 
> Thank you again for our comments and kudos

Bernie is dreaming. Dreaming of the day of Elinors birth. She's not sure, but she think, she might have heard Ellies voice in her dream earlier.  
She had been in theatre operating, when Serena had gone into labor. At first she had got a message, that Cam had hurt his head and that he was in the ED with Serena and Marcus. There had been some unexpected complications with the operation, on which she was assisting. Then she got a text from Marcus telling her, that Cam was okay. Then he got a second text from him, telling her that Serena had gone into labor, while they where in the ED. The third, fourth and fifth text was also from him, asking her, when she would be free to come down to the ED to support Serena. The last text had again been from Marcus informing her, that Helena had picked Cam up and that he now was at the maternity ward with Serena.

She finally got out of theatre, to read all the texts from Marcus. She had taken the time to persuade a colleague to take her shifts, the next couple of days. Ric Griffin had allowed her to take some leave to help Serena.  
When she arrived to the maternity ward, Serena wasn't in her room. Marcus had told her, that Serenas water had just broken a few minutes earlier and that she was in the bathroom changing her hospital gown.  
Serena came into the room and Bernie storms to her. Trying to hug her without hurting her. “Are you okay, darling.” She had asked. She hadn't realised her adornment words to Serena. She was too worried.

Marcus had left them alone, when he was sure, that they didn't needed him anymore. He had assured Bernie, that it was okay, that Cam stayed with him and Helena until the baby was born and they were home again..  
Bernie helped Serena back in bed, just in time for her next contraction. The contractions went on and on all night. Bernie had been by Serenas side all the time, holding her hand or sitting with Serena between her leg in the bed, so Serena could rest, while Berena massaged her aching back. She had been sitting next to the bed, stroking and kissing Serenas belly. They were in this happy bubble, waiting patiently to meet their daugther. They both wanted to call the baby, their daughter, but neither of them had the courage to say it out loud.

Around noon the midwife wanted to examine Serena again. She had send Bernie downstairs to get something to eat, when she had found out that Bernie hadn't eaten properly since the morning before. Bernie had used the short break to dream about a future with Serena and their two children. She took the liberty to smoke half a cigarette. Just to calm down. She knew Serena wanted her to quit smoking and she was going to. She had in fact been smoking very little since Serena had moved in. She had just needed this cigarette to think. She always thinked better, when she smoked.  
She hurried back to the maternity ward and Serena. Her best friend, who happens to be the woman she had fallen so bloody hard in love with. How was she going to tell Serena. Would she ever be brave enough to tell Serena that she had fallen in love with her and that she wished that the baby was theirs?

When she came back to the ward, the midwife had wanted to talk to her in private. It turned out that the midwife thought it best for Serena and the baby to perform an emergency C-section. She wanted Bernie to persuade Serena, that it would be the best for the baby.  
The only way that she could convince Serena, that a C-section was to prefer, was to promise to scrub in and stay with her and telling her, what was going on during the operation. Serena got an epidural and couldn't feel any pain, when the doctors was performing the C-section. She had felt the pressure, when they had pulled Elinor out of her belly.

Suddenly a lot of things had happened. Serena had heavy bleed. The doctors had to anesthetize her and operate. After the midwife had examined the baby, she had wrapped her in a blanket and given her to Bernie.  
Bernie was send back to the ward with Elinor. She had dressed her in the clothes, she had bought for the baby to wear, for when they would take her home.  
She had enjoyed her alone time with Elinor. She was also concerned about Serena, but when she looked at their beautiful little babygirl, she knew everything would be fine.

When Serena had been wheeled into the room, she was still sleeping. Bernie had already bottle fed the baby for the first time. Elinor was sleeping on her chest.   
Serena had woken up, while Bernie sat with Elinor in her arms. She hadn't realized, that she was cooing at the baby, before Serena had commented on it. Bernie had told Serena, that Elinor was the most beautiful babygirl she had ever layed her eyes on. Serena wanted to hold her daugther for the first time. In theatre everything had happened so fast, that she haven't had the chance to she her, before the doctors had anesthetized her.

Bernie had helped Serena sitting better in the bed and then positioned Elinor in her arms. Bernie sat down next to Serena in the bed, with one arm around her back and using the other hand to stroke Elinors head. She had commented on her chestnut brown hair and how she has got Serenas nose and eyes. Bernie had layed her head on Serenas shoulder and just enjoyed their little bubble of happiness. Then it had happened. Serena had kissed her on the temple and whispered: “I think, I've fallen in love with you.” Bernie had gotten all rigid. Serena had felt, that she had said something wrong. She was about to take it all back again, when Bernie had kissed her softly on the mouth. Then she had leant her forehead against Serenas and whispered back: “I love you too. I think, I fell in love with you, when I saw you the first time at the lamaze class. To be honest. I know, I fell in love with you that day.”

When Elinor had been feed once more, they had put her in the cod to sleep. Or Bernie had put her in the cod and Serena sat up in her bed, supervising her love trying to convince their daugther to fall asleep. At that moment Bernie was confident enough to call Elinor their daugther. Cam was calling his birth mother for mummy. A couple of month later, they decided that Elinor was going to call her mummy too. Serena would be called mum by the children.   
The rest of the evening they sat cuddled up together in Serenas bed. They talked about, what they were going to do now. Was it to early to call themselves a couple? It occurred to them, that they had in fact lived together as a couple for the last two months. Only without sleeping together. That night, they fell asleep in eachothers arms for the first time in a bed. At home they had already fallen asleep together, more than once, sitting on the couch in front of the TV, Serena cuddled up to Bernie and with her head on her shoulder.

Elinors birthday is secretly also their anniversary, but they had decided, that Elinor should have her own celebration on her birthday. They had set their official anniversary to be one week after Elinors birthday. After they got married, they began to celebrate, their wedding anniversary with friends and family. Their secret anniversary, they celebrates alone, when the children are asleep after a long day of celebrating Elinor. The official anniversary, they celebrates only with the children. On that day they often eat their supper in a restaurant.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls and Jason wants to help Bernie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday bonus chapter.

Guy Self had examined Bernie earlier this morning. He doesn't like the fact, that Bernie aren't showing any signs of her beginning to wake up from the coma. He had send Bernie for a head CT. It's around noon and Serena is sitting in the peace garden, trying to eat a sandwich. Hanssen had almost draged her outside. She hadn't eaten much since she heard, that Bernie was injured. Hanssen knew that. He had tried to supply her with food and coffee since saturday morning. Now he was sitting next to her in the peace garden. Both of them silent. Serena is occupied with her thoughts. Her fingers fidget with her pendant. The same pendant her father had given her on her 16th birthday. It was the last gift, she had got from him before he died. She thought she had lost it, when she moved out of Edwards house. She had cried for weeks over the loss of the pendant. She still doesn't know if all the crying was because of the loss of the pendant or because of her hormones or because of her failure in marriage. Bernie had found the pendant. How and where she doesn't know. Bernie wont tell her. Bernie had gifted her the pendant back on their wedding day. She knew it was the same one as the pendant, that she got from her father. The inscription on the back was still there “For my beautiful and intelligent daughter”. Bernie had let a juweler do another inscription. “For enternity – B”. On the front, was now a ruby, a sapphire and two diamonds added. The ruby indicates Elinor, the sapphire Cameron and the diamonds are her and Bernie. Today the pendant has another ruby for Charlotte.

Henrik is waiting, for Serena to begin to open up about her secret or simply waiting for her to talk about her feelings, like Serena always love to do. She enjoys her coffee. Strong and hot, just like she and Bernie loves it. Bernie. The love of her life. Serena first realizes, that she is crying, when Henrik puts an arm around her. It's nice and comfortable sitting with his strong arms holding her. His calmness is radiating from him and Serena feels the urge to let go of her emotions.  
She sniffles and begins to talk, still not talking of her big secret. She talks about her concerns about Bernie, not waking up. “I simply doesn't understand, why she's still in a coma. She should be awake by now. Even Guy Self is worried and that makes my concerns even bigger. She just lays there. I'm beginning to believe, that she don't want to wake up. She has to. We need her. The kids. I need her. I can't imagine a life without her. We have been together for almost 15 years and it still feels like we have just met. We still have so much to experience together. We have to much to talk about. We were looking forward to be a normal family again. The kids have been counting down the days until she's finally home for good. All what the kid wants is, their mummy to be safe and home with them in Holby. I've prayed for this, not to happened. Bernie was so bold to promise them, that nothing would happened to her. This isn't the way she should've come home to us. Is this karma?” Serena takes a break to breath.  
“Because of your secret?” Hanssen asks.  
Serena look at him with horror in her eyes. She had forgotten, she had exposed for Henrik, that she has a big secret.

Suddenly they see Charlotte and Elinor in front of the hospital entrance. They are holding hands. Charlotte is crying. Elinor looks very cross.  
“I really don't like this, Charlie. Granny is going to be mad, if we're not there, when she comes home. I don't like, that you made Jason research about coma patients, most of the night. I'm sure mum is going to yell at us, when she sees us. We were supposed to wait until after supper and then drive to the hospital with Granny and Jason” Serena hears Elinor rant.  
“You went with me, didn't you?” is Charlottes response. “And Jason suggested to do some research himself. He has found some really good facts.” She continues.  
“I would like to hear more about that later, but first I want you two to call Granny and tell her you are here and not at home. And by call your Granny, I mean, call her, not text her” Serena interrupts.  
The girls looks shocked at their mum. They hadn't suspected to meet her so soon. At least they had hoped to wait to meet her until, they were inside and would have an audience. Their mum, was known amongst her children, to be a very hard opponent. They really need to have good arguments in hand, before they begin a discussion with her. Hanssen stand a couple of meters behind Serena and smirks.

They have entered Bernies room before Serena becomes aware of the big sports bag Elinor is holding over her shoulder.  
“What's that? None of you use to have P.E. on mondays.” Serena asks.  
“That's for mummy.” Charlotte answers. Serena doesn't understand. She had already brought all what Bernie would need, while she's in the hospital.  
“I haven't asked you to bring anything to the hospital for mummy.” Serena says with a raised eyebrow.  
“Yes, we know. It's the results from Jasons research. Outside you said you wanted to hear more about his research, when we had called Granny. Elinor has just done that.” Charlotte says proudly.  
“Jason is going to..”She stops talking. She has just realized, that Bernies bed is gone. “Where's mummy? Why were you outside with uncle Henrik? You have been crying. What happened? Is she de..e..e..a..a..d?” Charlotte sobs.  
“Shush, shush. Calm down darling. Mummy is alright.” Serena look up and sees Elinor with her arms around Henrik, hiding her face in his chest.  
“The doctors just wanted to examine her to figure out, why she's still sleeping. They have taking her away to make a head CT. They're trying to find some answers by looking into her brain.” Serena is holding a now sniffling Charlotte in her arms. She checks that Elinor is getting the comfort, she needs, from Henrik. She sees Elinor saying something to Hanssen. He nods. Serena can't hear, what they talk about. She think that Henrik is telling her, what Serena had just told Charlotte.

When both girls are calm again, Serena wants to hear more about Jasons research. Charlotte puts the sports bag down on the armchair. She opens it. She pulls a dockingstation out. Then Bernies old ipod, a folder with drawings, a washing line, about 40 clothes pins, fairylights, Serenas favourite perfume and one package of vanilla fragranced candles.  
“Charlie, what it all this?” Serena asks.  
“Mum, wait and see. Please, take the yellow folder in the bag. It's some articles for you to read. Jason has printet them out for you. He says, that I can't explain it all for you. I'll try to explain all the stuff, we have brought with us today.”

The door opens and Bernie is being wheeled into the room again. When the bed is locked and everything is back in its own place, Charlotte takes Bernies hand in her own. She looks at her mum and asks: “Mum, do you think I can lay in the bed with mummy, if I'm very carefull?”  
Serena is curious, about what her daughter is going to do and nods. “You have to be very carefull though. You can't touch her chest.”  
Charlotte enters the bed carefully. Bernie is laying on her back and Charlotte is now laying on her left side, so she can talk directly into Bernies right ear. Her right hand is holding Bernies right hand.  
Serena is waiting for an explanation.


	15. Chapter 15

“Mummy, do you hear me? If you can hear me, can you please give us a sign. I want you to press my hand, if you can hear me. I love you and can't wait to talk to you again. I have so much to tell you. We all miss you. Mum, Cam, Ellie, Jason and even Granny.” Charlotte says.  
Serena isn't sure about, where this is going. She don't know, how this can wake Bernie up.  
Charlotte continues to repeat the same sentences in Bernies ear. Then she's silent. Let her forehead touch Bernies temple. She now uses her hand, that had held Bernies hand to caress her mummys left cheek, while she kisses her right cheek. She takes Bernies hand in her own again and repeats, what she said before. Ending up with: “I love you mummy. To the moon and back. Please give us a sign, that you are somewhere in there.” Then she's silent, snuggles into Bernies side, just as she uses to do at home, when she comes to their bedroom after having a nightmare. Still holding Bernies hand.  
Nothing happens for a while. The monitor shows, that Bernies pulse drops a little bit. Serena notice this, but doesn't think more about it.  
“Charlie, I don't think she hears you. She's in a very deep sleep. Please get out of the bed again and come and explain all the stuff, you and Ellie have brought.” Serena whispers.  
Bernies pulse rises a little again, when Charlotte leaves her side. Nobody notices.

“Okay. Mum. What I've just done, is one of the things, Jason found out for us with his research. It's important for a coma patient, that people who are essential for the person, keeps on talking with them as nothing had happened and it's also important to keep on pleading her to wake up. Holding her hand gives her the opportunity to give us a sign, that she hears us. Body contact helps her to feel and remember the person, that touches her.” She explains  
“The things from the bag are to help her senses to remember. With the docking station and her iPod, we can play music to her. Songs that's reminds her about special moments in the past or we can simply play her favourite songs. Jason helped me set up a playlist on her iPod. The drawings is from all of us. Our entire lives she has collected the drawings, we have gifted to her. She has even saved the drawings, we have done together with her. The washing line and the clothes pins are so we can hang them over her bed. When she opens her eyes, she has the opportunity to remember us that way. The fairylights are the fairylights from our garden. The candles are from your bathroom. We know you two uses them, when you're home alone and are taking a bubble bath together. Your perfume is to spray in here. Mummy will definintely remember you, when she smells it.” Charlotte continues.

Serena is impressed. Jason had really done a good job, with his research. The girls, or most likely Charlotte, had done a great job finding things, that was very important for Bernie.  
Serena counts in her head. “There's almost something for every sense. What about something for her taste?” She comments.  
“I don't think it's a good idea to give her coffee right now.” Charlotte giggles. Serena smiles. Coffee is one of the most essential foodgroups for Bernie. If her wife doesn't get any coffee in the morning, she'll be a grumbling mess for hours. Even the children had learned that, from an early age. Coffee is what keeps Bernie functioning. Serena sometimes teases Bernie by saying, that it would be easier for her to get enough coffee, if she got it through an IV-line. Cam hadn't turned three, when he began to remember Serena to buy mummy coffee, when she was groceries shopping with the children. When he got that old, that he had the opinion, that he was a big boy and didn't needed to sit in the shopping cart anymore, he sometimes fetched coffee from the shelves himself. Always with the same argument: “Mummy need coffee. I don't like grumpy mummy. Coffee helps.” It soon became the same with the other children. The children now has a mantra for their mummy: “Now matter what's happens in the world, be sure to have coffee for mummy in the house.”

“Perhaps the smell of coffee will wake her up.” Charlotte wonders. She quickly taps it into her phone. Jason has made an online document for them all to write in. When one of them gets an idea, they can write it in the document on their phone and they can then all read it on their own phone.  
“That reminds me.” Charlotte mumbles. “Jason needs to borrow you phone, when he and Granny arrives later.”  
“Okay.” Serena answers. She still doesn't quite understand it all, but she's sure, that the articles Jason has printet out for her, will help her. If she don't understand it all, Jason will for sure explain it all. Matter of fact, she's sure he will explain it to her anyway. When Jason shows passion about a research project, nobody gets away without him giving a lecture about the subject first. This project will be very important for Jason, because it can maybe help his auntie Bernie.  
Jason and Bernie have a very special bond. Sometimes Serena almost envies their relationship. They had bonded almost as fast as Charlotte and Jason. Bernie has the skill to read Jason much better than Serena. She believes very much in Jasons skills and dreams. She supports him and helps him, when he gets upset, when he experiences, that he can't do something, he has dreamt about doing. Serena is the one with too little patience and she's often the one, that breaks his dreams, before he has the possibility to try them out.

The rest of the afternoon Elinor, Charlotte and Serena are busy decorating Bernies room. Jason had called Hanssen to disscuss the latest episode of “Worlds strongest man”, as they always do at 1.15pm on mondays. He had used the phonecall to ask for permission for the girls to decorate Bernies room. He had of course talked to Hansen about his research.   
Jason had found a friend in Henrik on a day, when he had had a melt down in Serenas office. She had been late and hadn't messaged him to tell him, that she was late. Hanssen was walking past the office by coincidence and had observed, that Jason was upset. He had calmed Jason down by acting, like he was a swedish participant in “World strongest man.” Since that day Henrik Hanssen had a 45 minutes long phone meeting with mr. JH on mondays 1.15pm.  
Serena loves how patient Hanssen is with Jason. He had suggested the weekly phone meeting. His reasoning was, that he don't want Jason to feel, that he haven't time for him and a regular appointment is better for Jason and his need for a schedule. It amazes Serena, that Hanssen hadn't cancelled or postponed any of the meetings. They have had these meetings for six months now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback.
> 
> I really hate Edward.
> 
> Thank you for your comments
> 
> Last night I had fun putting together a playlist for Bernies iPod.

The feeling of happiness and love overflows Bernies body. She doesn't know where she is. A first it was dark and filled with anxiety, pain and dispair. She had heard yelling, then loud noises, she had recognised as sounds from an operation room. She knew, she wasn't operating, because you can't operate with your eyes closed. She had tried to open her eyes, without any luck. Has she gone blind? She had tried to move, but it was also impossible. Was she paralyzed and blind? She had tried to speak. She couldn't do that either. Something was really, really wrong. Was she dead? Was this the afterlife, she doesn't believe in? Was it hell? Everything shut down again.

The next time Bernie was beginning to sense different thing, she heard voices, but couldn't understand any of the sounds. Where was she? She still couldn't open her eyes, move or speak. She had begun to see colours. She thought it could only be dreams, because her eyes were shut.  
The dreams are beautiful. She dreams of her children, Serena and her friends.  
Right now she was dreaming again. She dreams about, when they came home with baby Elinor. She was 3 days old. Serena had still problems with pains from the wound after the C-section. She couldn't stand to be in the hospital any longer and had persuaded the doctor to discharge her. Bernie was concerned about how Serena would handle to be alone with the baby, when she was going back to work the next day. She had pushed her concerns away and decided to enjoy the first day in their home with her girlfriend and their daughter. She hadn't felt girlfriend was the right word for what she and Serena were. They later decided partner was a better word. When they got married, they didn't had that problem anymore, because calling each other for wife, was exactly the word Bernie had missed the day they came home.

Marcus and Cameron had visited them at the hospital. Cam couldn't get enough of his sister. He wanted to stroke her hair or kiss her all the time. He called her his baby. Serena sat up in the bed, when Cam and Marcus arrived. She had Elinor in her arms. Cameron had demanded to come up in the bed. Bernie had lifted him up on her arm, but she hadn't put him down on the bed. He had begun to protest. “Cam. You need to listen to mummy before I let you down on the bed okay?” She had said.  
“Yeah, mummy. But why? Why can Cam not kiss baby now?”  
“Listen. You have to be careful. Serena has a big wound on her belly. It's important that you don't touch her belly.” Bernie explained.  
Cam listened to what his mother told him, then looked at Serena with his big brown eyes. He pointed at Serenas belly and said. “Cam see belly later. Now me kiss baby.” Bernie knew her son had understand, what she had told him. She let him sit beside Serena on the bed. He snuggled into her arm. “Me miss S'rena. Baby mine. Me kiss baby now. Okay?” And he had looked up at Serena.  
“It's okay Cam. You can kiss her.” She said softly. He had carefully caressed Elinors hair with his small hand and then kissed her on her forehead. He stroked and patted Elinor for almost 30 minutes, while he babbled away, telling his sister what she had to expect, when they got home and about what he had done in the creche that day. He told her about his toys, the house and how he had spent the last day at his dads house.

The adults had enjoyed observing his excidement about his world and that he didn't care, that Elinor didn't answered him. Suddenly he had stopped and looked at Serena, who had tears in her eyes. “Why S'rena cry.” He had asked and lifted his hand to caress her cheek. “S'rena ouchi?” He had looked concerned at her. “ No, darling. It's because I'm happy. This is happy tears.” Cam found it weird, why cry, when you're happy. They had explained to him, that sometimes you can be so happy, that you sometimes begins to cry. He hadn't fully understood that and had decided not to think more about that.  
“Baby smell nice.” he had said and kisses her again. Elinor began to cry. Cam looked a little scared.  
“I think the baby is hungry. Do you want to help feading her?” Serena had asked him. He didn't move, so the adult thought he was too curious to say no. Serena both bottle feed and breast feed Elinor. When they knew Cam and Marcus were on their way to visit, they had pumped milk for Elinor, so Serena didn't had to breast feed in front of Marcus. Cam would soon enough see her breast feeding Elinor at home.

Cameron was very proud, when he was allowed to hold the bottle. “Me big now. Me feed baby. Cam don't drink bottle, me drink glass.” He had announced. He talked a lot, but he sometimes forgot to use all the words, when he was excided.  
He helped Bernie burp the baby and wanted to help put her into the cod.  
She wanted to change Elinors diaper first. Cam was still using diapers himself and he didn't found it interesting. He had just begun potty training and Marcus used the time to take him to the loo.  
They were soon back in the room. Cameron had helped singing Elinor to sleep and then he and Marcus had gone home.

After the visit Bernie and Serena had enjoyed the silence. They sat next to each other in the bed. Looking at their sleeping daugther. None of them wanted to think of the fact, that it was time to inform Edward, that his daugther was born. At that moment, they both wished to stay in their happy bubble. The bubble, where they were a small family and Bernie and Serena was her only parents.  
They were cuddled up in the bed until Elinor woke up, demanding to be feed. After they had eliminated her needs and she was sleeping again, Bernie had breached the subject. “Serena, darling. I think it's time for you to call Edward. He needs to know, that he has a daughter now.” Bernie kissed her, gave her cellphone to her and had begun to leave the room.  
“Stay.” She had whispered and Bernie had stayed.

Edward was indeed, not happy, when Serena called him. She could hear, that she wasn't sober.  
“Hello, Edward. I gave birth to a daughter yesterday.” She said firmly.  
“Rena, I don't care. You knew I wanted a son. I don't believe you. You're only telling me this, because you wants to hurt me.” Serena really hated to be called Rena. Her mother does it too. Eventhough she has told her at least a 1000 times, that she doesn't like that name.  
“I'm not lying. Don't you want to see her?” She answered through gritted teeth.  
“Not now. I can see her at your attorney, when we're going to discuss the last details of the divorce. You can have her for yourself.” He said grumpy and had hung up.

Sian Kors had prepared the divorce papers and the papers for Serena to get full custody of Elinor.  
Sian, Serena and Bernie were grateful, that Edward turned up to their meeting drunk. He had entered the office, signed the papers and was out of the office again within 5 minutes. He hadn't greeted any of them. He didn't look at Elinor or read the papers. He didn't care. He just wanted out of this marriage, so he could marry his new girlfriend. Elinor was 3 years old before she by coincidence, met her father for the first time. By that time Bernie had already adopted Elinor, was married to Serena and her daughter called her mummy, just like Cameron.

“Bernie. Mummy.” She hear the words over and over.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Serena is alone with Bernie again. It's almost midnight. Henrik had tried to convince her to sleep in the on-call room. He was smart enough, not to propose to her to take home for the night. Serena had declined. She wants to be with her wife. She wants to be there if Bernie wakes up. She doesn't want her to wake up alone. She's reading some of the articles Jason has printet out for her. There's some very interesting research articles from a neurosurgeon, Roxanna MacMillan. She's leading a research project about coma patients in Boston. Serena has been reading for hours. She realize that most of the childrens ideas come from Roxannas publiced research work. Serena wonders where she had heard Roxannas name before. She know she had heard it before, but she can't remember where. Purhaps she had read an article of Roxannas before or Bernie had read one and told her about it. Right know, she was too tired to try to find out.

The music is flowing soft from the loudspeakers on the dockingstation. It's a classical peace. Beethovens Moonlight Sonata. Serena is worn out. The last couple of days had been very hard and packed with, what she feels like, a thousand emotions. The last four days had been a big rollercoaster ride. She really needs a good nights sleep. Serena get an idea. How was it? Charlie had said something about doing things for Bernie as if it was a normal day at home. She really missed to sleep in the same bed as her wife. Perhaps? No, she's afraid of hurting Bernie. She wasn't as small as their daughter and the hospital bed wasn't as big as their bed at home. At last Serena decides to try to sleep one more night in the armchair. The chair was comfortable and she has begun to look at the chair as her safe place. It was always there for her. She pulls the chair nearer Bernies bed. She can now sit in the chair and hold Bernies hand without problems. Hopefully she wont wake up with a backache tomorrow. She prays for Bernie to wake up soon. “Darling, I love you so much and miss to talk to you. Please wake up soon.” She kisses Bernie softly on the mouth and places her own body in a comfortable position in Henriks armchair. She wants to read a little bit more, before she's going to sleep. Serena falls asleep within seconds. Still holding her wifes hand and the papers in her other hand.

The morning sunbeams toughes her face. Serena wakes up bend over and leaning her head on the matress. She's still holding Bernies hand. Spread all over the floor, is the articles Jason had printet out for her. She rises from the armchair and caress Bernies forehead. She kisses her temple and then pecks her on the mouth. She picks up all the paperwork and puts it back in the folder. She fusses a bit more. Brushes Bernies unruly hair. “Please wake up sweetheart. I miss seeing your eyes and hearing your voice.” She says longingly.

The door opens and Henrik enters the room. Without a word he hands her a cup of coffee and a paperbag with a chocolate croissant. “Medicinal, you know.” Hanssen smirks. Serena smiles back at him, with tears in her eyes. Hanssen looks at her with concern. “Bernie always teases me like that. Even using the same frase. Only because I have said it once or twice.” Serena answer. He squeezes her hand. “Alright. I have a lot to do today. But if you need me, you can always call me. None my appointments are so important, that you can't call me. Okay?” She nods. To teary to say anything.

Serena eats the croissant and drinks the coffee. She take time to take a bath. Knowing that nobody can hear her cry, while she's in the shower. When she comes back to the room, a nurse had given Bernie a bath and changed her dressings. Serena is sure the nurse had feed her through the feeding tube too. Serena don't need to look in the chart. Around 10am Guy Self calls her to his office. He wants to talk her through the results of Bernies CT scan from yesterday. Serena enters his office full of anxiety. In the seconds before Guy Self begins to speak, Serena feels very vulnerable. He ensures her, that there is nothing that indicates, that Bernie has a brain injurie. He tells her, that there are so many unanswered questions and that he can't understand, why Bernie hasn't woken up yet. “The brain is a mystery ms. McKinnie. Ms. Wolfes condition is a mystery. We just have to hope, that she wakes up soon.” He says.   
“What do you mean? Have you given up? I need you to bring my wife back?” Serena sobs and then everything goes black. Suddenly she hears Henriks calm voice calling. “Serena, Serena. Wake up. Serena, do you hear me?” She's opening her eyes. She's sitting on the floor and Henrik is holding her. Guy Self is standing next to them with a glass of water. He hands it to Serena. “Ms. McKinnie, you fainted.” He explains. Serena feels embarassed. She knows she has attacked Guy verbally just minutes earlier. One of her hands flows to her pendant.

“I'm sorry, I attacked you before. It's just so frustrating, that we can't do anything to help Bernie. Every morning I thnik: Today is the day she'll wake up. Every night, I'm so disappointed.” She apologizes.   
“You're wrong. You're doing a lot for Bernie. All the thing you and the children did yesterday to help her senses on their way, is actually really good. How did you get that idea?” Guy replies.  
“That's wasn't my idea actually. It was Jason. He did some really good research. He and the girls did it all without my knowing. I only helped hanging up the drawings and the fairylights.” Serena explains.  
“Jason has found some really informative and useful articles written by a woman from Boston. She leads a research project about coma patients there. Erh....Her name is Roxanna Mac.....something” She feels Henrik tense up next to her.  
“Do you mean Roxanna MacMillan?” He asks.  
“Yes. That's her name. Do you know her works.” Serena says enthusiastic .  
”Maybe.” Is the only answer he gives her. She observes the dreamy look in his eyes. Some day in the future, I need to know more about this, she thinks.

It's late afternoon and Serena is sitting in Bernies room again. She's reading Roxannas articles for the X time. She begins to understand the most of the research. The girls arrives. Alan had given them a lift, when he had picked Jason up.  
“Hi, mum.” Charlottes says and hugs her. Then she crawls up in Bernies bed and begins to tell her mummy about her day.  
“Hi, mum.” Elinor says. She's about to hug her, when she sees a picture of Roxanna on the article, Serena has in her hand. “I know her. Uncle Henrik has a picture of her in his wallet. She's much younger on his picture. It once fell out of his wallet, when he was paying for an icecream for me. Has he already asked her to come and help mummy?” She asks.  
“What do you mean? This is the articles Jason has printed out for me. I didn't knew she and Henrik know each other.” Serena is very confused.  
“Yeah. Yesterday, when I was outside the room and he was trying to calm me down, because Charlie and I thought mummy was dead, I asked him to call for her help. She's a very famous neurosurgeon, you know. She studied with uncle Henrik. He don't want to tell me more about her, when I ask him. I think there was something between them back then. There's no other reason for him to have her picture in his wallet.” She rambles on.  
She walks to Bernie and stands on the opposite side of the bed, than were Charlotte is laying. “Hi. Mummy. I love you. I hope you'll have fun with Charlie, because I need to talk to uncle Henrik. I'm sure his girlfriend can help you.” Elinor says, believing that she is right, that uncle Henrik is in love with Roxanna, but hadn't acted on it, because he's to much of a gentleman. Elinor is 14 years old and haa begun to understand, that there are good and bad men you can fall in love with. She's sure uncle Henrik is one of the good ones.  
“Ellie, you can't just walk into uncle Henriks office. He's very busy today.” Serena interrupts her thoughts.  
“I know. That's why I've already called his PA and made an appointment.” Elinor answers.  
Serena is left baffled .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The classical piece playing in this chapter.
> 
> https://youtu.be/4Tr0otuiQuU


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Henrik Hanssen need tapdancing shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments.

Henrik Hanssen is sitting behind his desk and looks up from his paperwork, when Elinor knocks and enters the office. He's curious about, what she wants from him, eventhough he thinks, that he already knows.  
“Hello ms. Elinor. What can I do for you today.” Henrik smiles.  
“You need to call your girlfriend. She can help wake mummy up. I'm sure that's what we all need now.” Elinor answers  
“My girlfriend? Who do you mean? I'm single. I don't have a girlfriend.” He says astonished.  
“We don't have time to discuss that now uncle Henrik. You need to call ms. MacMillan and demand her to help mummy. You've already told me a couple of month ago, that she's a famous neurosurgeon. Why haven't you told me, that she has a research project about patients like mummy. I just saw her in a article mum was reading.” Elinor continues.  
“Oh! I see. That was what you meant yesterday. I thought it was your anxiety talking. Sorry.” Henrik knows Elinor is right. Roxanna. How wonderful it would be to see her again. He had got the idea himself to call her, but he is afraid,that she doesn't want to talk to him. The last time they had seen each other, had been very awkward. Roxannas husband David had been dead for almost a year. It was Roxannas birthday and Henrik had finally been brave enough to reveal his feelings for her. She hadn't reacted like he had hoped. Instead she had run away, back to Boston, without saying goodbye. The morning after, that he had told her, that he loves her, he had received her resignation.  
“I haven't talked to ms. MacMillan for about a year. I'll try to contact her today though. Your right, your mummy needs her expertise.” Henrik hesitates. He hopes she will answer his call.  
“Deal.” Elinor says. “When ms. MacMillan arrives and she has helped mummy, we'll help you to convince her, that you're the right one for her. You need to be happy too, uncle Henrik.” She says tenderly.  
They say goodbye to each other and Elinor walks back to Bernies room.

Entering the room. she sees her mum checking her e-mails on her tablet. Charlotte has fallen asleep cuddling Bernie in the bed. The iPod plays music. Right now they hear “Let it go” from Frozen.  
“Poor mummy.” Elinor burst out and Serena looks surpriced at her. She hadn't heard Ellinor entering the room.  
“Ellie. I didn't hear you. What do you mean?” She answers.  
“Mummy was on leave, when we got the dvd and the soundtrack with Frozen. Charlie and I was so obsessed with the movie and the music.”  
“Yeah. I remember clearly.” Serena huffs. “Thank God it's over.” She grins.  
“We played Anna and Elsa all day. When we weren't playing, we watched the movie. We braided her hair. She had to be Elsa, because her hair was more blond than Charlies. I was Anna. Charlie was Olaf. Mummy never said no to us. No matter how tired she was. Poor Cam. He was living in a princess castle. I fully understand now, why he was at uncle Marcus' house so often. I don't think he was jealous at us. Mummy always found time, for the two of them, to get some time alone too. I remember one night, that she was watching Star wars with Cam. She had played with Charlie and me most of the day. She told us, that you were going to read for us before bedtime, because now she and Cam was going to have some mummy and Cam time.” She giggles. “I hope mummy doesn't get nightmares, when she hears the music.”

Around suppertime Raf arrives. He had promised to drive the girls home. Serena is waking up Charlotte.  
“Sweetheart, you have to wake up now. Dad is driving you two girls home. I'm sure Granny has supper ready for you.” And Charlotte is soon awake. Just like her mummy, Serena thinks. When you talk about food, she's ready in seconds. When Charlotte gets out of the bed Bernies pulse rises, but nobody notices. Serena hugs the girls and kisses them goodnight.  
When she's alone again, she gets the feeling, that someone is watching her. She looks around and sees Jac Naylor and Fletch standing at the nurses station. Serena wonders what they are talking about. It looks very content. Are they a couple? She has to ask Raf? No she can't. They're still not talking with each other. They are only talking at each other, when they make arrangements for Charlotte. There it is again. This nagging feeling. Why had she kept her secret for so long. Now it's going to ruin her family.

Serena continues to work on her tablet. Jason had send her an e-mail earlier with more articles for her to read.  
“Hello Serena.” She jumps in her chair.  
“Henrik. I'm going to buy you tapdancing shoes.” She mumbles. He smirks.  
“I've talked to ms. MacMillan. She finds Bernies case interesting. She will arrive to Holby the day after tomorrow.” He informs her. Serena can see he's a little nervous.  
“You're in love with her. Elinors guess is right.” She says with a smile. He nods, sits down on the chair next to Serena and sighs.  
“I've loved Roxanna since we studied together. Even when she was married to David.” Serena lays a hand on his arm. Serena knows Henrik had been broken-hearted last year, but she didn't knew who had broken his heart. She didn't knew Roxanna had worked at the hospital either. That was at the exact same time as Serena had been on a secondment for two months in Denmark.

Elinor had used the time, where Charlotte had slept, to tell her mum, what she knows about Roxanna and Henrik.  
“Now you're afraid to meet har again?” She asks.  
He nods, looks at his shoes and whispers “yes.” Serena can hardly hear him.  
“I'm sure, it's going to be alright.” She says comfortly. Trying to calm a nervous Henrik down. She had never experienced him so unsure.  
“I don't know.” He says. Mostly to him self. “I don't want to burst out my feelings to her again. Last time she run away and we havent spoken since. I think she's still mourning over her husbands death. I'm afraid Elinor has other ideas. She think Roxanna is my girlfriend.”  
They sit next to each other for another 20 minutes, while Henrik tells her all about him and Roxanna.

“I know these two voices.” Bernie thinks. She want to talk to them. Want to let them know, that she hears them, but she can't. She enjoys the music though. Bernie begins to dream again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it snow
> 
> https://youtu.be/moSFlvxnbgk


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie is dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments.
> 
> I can't promise that Bernie wakes up soon. It's up to Bernie.

Bernie is watching a video. Or is she dreaming? She doesn't know. She must be dreaming, because she sees herself, Serena and Elinor. Elinor is newborn. It must be the day, they came home from the hospital. They came home as a family. They were so happy and in love. Finally they were alone. They didn't have to be afraid of getting caught in an inappropriate moment. Now they could kiss as much as they liked. In hospital it had only been chaste kisses between them. Eventhough the hospital grapewine would most likely already have done the job, and everybody knew they were a couple.

She loves the scent of Serenas perfume. She can smell her now. “Serena, talk to me.” She prays silent. Serena had already used this perfume, when they met.

They were finally in their home. When they had settled Elinor in her cod in the livingroom, they had sat down on the couch. They had looked into each others eyes. Serena was the first to act. She had kissed Bernie so soft. Bernie had kissed her back. The kissing got deeper. Bernie wanted more than just kissing. Serena had her hands in Bernies hair. She had her hands on Serenas hips. She wanted to feel her skin. Her hands moved under Serenas shirt. Bernie tongue asked for permission to enter Serenas mouth. Serena let her. Their tongues danced their own dance. Bernie wanted to be nearer to Serena. Suddenly Serena pulled away. She had tears in her eyes. Bernie didn't understand, what was wrong, until Serena moved her hand away from her belly.  
“F**k. I'm sorry darling. I got carried away. Did I hurt you much?” Bernie had asked with a voice full of concern and love.  
“It's not your fault. I wanted it too.” She had cupped her cheek with her hand and Bernie had enjoyed the feeling of her caress.  
“I think we have to wait a little longer Sweetheart. Just until my wound doesn't hurt anymore. Is that ok? It doesn't mean that I dont love you and my God, I really want to be so near to you, as only two lovers can be.” Serena had said apologetic.

They had checked the dressing to be sure nothing had complicated the healing process. Bernie had commanded Serena to relax on the couch, while Bernie was cooking their supper. She ended up with spaghetti bolognese, which is one of the recipes she's good at. The sauce had to slow cook. She looked into the livingroom. She saw the most beautiful sight. Her two girls on the couch. Serena was breast feeding Elinor. Bernie turned down the heat under the sauce and entered the livingroom as silent as she could. She sat down next to Serena on the couch, kissed her on the temple and stroked Elinors hair lightly.   
“I can't be much happier right now. The only thing missing right now, is our Cam.” She had whispered.   
“Yes.” Was the only answer she got from her girlfriend. It still didn't sounded right to call her that.  
“What are you thinking about?” Serena had asked her.  
“Nothing, really.“ She said hesitating.  
“Liar.”  
“Alright, I give up. You've known me less than 3 months and still you know me better, than any one else.” She said smiling. “ I thought of you as my girlfriend. I love the idea of us as a couple, but...”  
“...you think girlfriend sounds weird” Serena had ended her sentence.  
“Yes” Bernie had confirmed.  
“What do you think of calling me your partner instead?” Serena had continued asking.  
“It's a little weird too, but it's a lot better than girlfriend.” She pondered.  
“I like it. You can always propose to me, when I'm a free woman again.” Serena had joked.  
“I really love to do that.” Bernie had thought to herself and noded.  
Bernie burped Elinor, changed her diaper and put her back in the cod. “I'm going to boil the pasta now. Supper is ready in 20 minutes.” She said. Serena went with her into the kitchen. She argumented with the fact, that she was afraid to fall asleep on the couch.

After supper, they had helped each other to clean the kitchen. Then ended cuddled up on the couch. Soon Serena began to yawn and they decided to go to bed. With the near accident earlier in the afternoon in their minds, they decided, that Serena and Elinor should sleep in Serenas bedroom, which soon ended up being Elinors room. Bernie would sleep in her own room, soon to be their bedroom. They got ready for the night and kissed each other very thoroughly goodnight.  
Bernie couldn't sleep, knowing the love of her life was sleeping just across the hall. Two hours she tossed and turned in her bed, before she gave up. She went into the hall and stopped. Arguing with her self to enter Serenas room or not. To knock or not. To go back to her own bed or not. In the end she had convinced herself to knock lightly on Serenas door. She could always say, that she only wanted to check that her girls was comfortable. 

When she was about to knock, Serena had opened the door.  
“Did I wake you up?” Bernie had asked.  
“No. I couldn't sleep. I was on my way to you. Can we please both sleep in my bed?” She had pleaded. Bernie couldn't deny Serena anything.  
“Of course. I was on my way to ask you if I could sleep in your bed too.” She had said with sparkles in her eyes.   
“I'll be careful. We're only going to sleep. Just as we did in hospital. The unmentionable we can do as much as you want, when you're healed.” Bernie had says dreamingly.  
Serena blushed. “I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep without you by my side.” She had whispered to Bernie.  
Bernie crawled into Serenas bed. Laying on her back, she offered Serena to cuddle with her. Serena accepted the offer and they slept snuggled together until Elinor had commanded their service. They had feed her, changed her and she ended up sleeping on Bernie chest the rest of the night. From that day on, Serena and Bernie had only slept alone, when Bernie was on tour.

“Darling.” It was Serenas voice.  
“Mummy.” Charlie is here too.

There's music.   
And she can smell Serena perfume.

Why can't she move. Why can't she open her eyes.

“I'm here. I love you. Help me.” Bernie screams in her head


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a good day of writing today
> 
> Thank you for the comment, they make me want to tell this story even more.

“Ms. McKinney. Serena. Why haven't you told me, that Bernies pulse was unsteady yesterday afternoon?” Jac Naylor confronts Serena. It's wednesday morning.  
“What? Wait? What do you mean?” Serena asks confused.  
“Yes. The saved data from the heartmonitor tells me, that something happened yesterday afternoon. She had an unsteady pulse the day before too, but I think that has to do with her coming back to the room after the CT scan. I wonder why her pulse rises around suppertime though, but soon after it's back to normal again.” Naylor explains.  
Serena considers for a long time. Thinks back on, what had happened. Suddenly everything appears clear to her. “Charlotte.” She exclaims.  
“What about Charlotte.” Naylor looks inquiring at Serena.  
“She crawled up in Bernies bed....Wait, I think I have to start from the beginning.” Serena helds her hands up and picks up the folder with the articles Roxanna has published.  
“On monday the girls came here, with a sportsbag full of all the decorations, you see in here right now. Jason has been searching the internet for research works about coma patients. He found these articles and printet them for me and explained a lot of it to the girls. He's still searching for more and mails me several times a day with links to new articles.” Serena explains.  
“How does that explains Bernies unsteady pulse?” Jac is getting impatient.  
“Well, Charlotte had noticed, that Jason had said it was important to touch the coma patient and do things you use to do with them. And it's also impotant to keep on talking to them. That has never been a problem for Charlie. Sometimes I'm sure she already talked before she got born” Serena giggles.  
“Charlotte isn't the subject now.” Nayler proclaims.  
“Sorry. She crawled up in Bernies bed, because of what Jason had told her. She cuddled into her side and began to talk to Bernie. I think, that's when her pulse got slower. And the rise is when Charlotte leaved the bed. The times matches. I think. And it's the same yesterday. Charlotte slept around an hour cuddled into Bernie yesterday and that's the time, where her pulse is at ease. The rise in Bernie pulse is around the time, when I woke up Charlotte and send the girls home with Raf.

Suddenly it appears to both of the women. “I think Bernie is trying to wake up.” They both said.  
“Sorry. Jac do you think it's true?” Serena asks hopefully.  
“I don't know. I'm not a neurosurgeon.” She answers.  
“Oh. That reminds me.” Serena continues. “Most of the articles Jason gave me, is written by a Roxanna MacMillan. She's a friend of Hanssen - I understand. He has asked ms. MacMillan for her advice and she arrives tomorrow.  
“Interesting.” Is the only answer she gets from Jac. She sees Jac walking in the direction of Henriks office. Is it good or bad? She don't know. It's going to be Henriks problem. She's now alone with Bernie again.

She stands next to Bernies bed. Take one hand in her own. Bends over and kisses Bernies temple, forehead, nose and ends with a soft kiss on her lips. She then looks at the heart monitor. The heartwaves are a little unsteady or is she only dreaming.  
“Honey. Bernie. My darling Berenice. If you hear me, please give me a sign. I miss you and don't know how to live without you. You promised the children to come home without injuries. We need you. Please wake up”. She pleads with tears building in her eyes.  
The heartmonitor begins to make loud noises and the room fills with nurses and doctors.  
“What did you do?” An angry Jac Naylor huffs.  
“I...I...I just talked to her. I..I...I'm sorry.” She begins to cry.  
Essie leads her out of the room and leads her to a chair on the ward. She lays an arm around Serena and tries to calm her down. When Serena only sniffles, she says: “Stay here. I get you a cup of tea.” Serena nods and thanks her.

Essie comes back and hands Serena the tea. She sits down left to Serena and begins to talk with a calm voice.  
“I'm sure it's going to be alright. Perhaps it's something wrong with the monitor......”Serena doesn't hear anymore of what Essie is saying. She just sits with an empty look in her eyes. She feels empty. She doesn't notice how long time, she's absorbed by the blur in her brain. She returns to the real world, when she feels a presence on her right side. It's Jac. The woman smiles at her. Jac never smiles. “Serena everything is, according to the circumstances, as good as they can be. You can go back to Bernie.”  
“Thank you.” Serena doesn't have the courage to ask, if she was the reason for the alarm.  
She goes back to Bernie. She's not brave enough to talk to Bernie again. She sits down in the armchair next to her wifes bed. Fidgeting with her pendant.  
“Please dear God. I know, that I normally don't believe in you. I don't remember, how to pray a proper prayer, but I need you to help my Bernie to wake up and be okay.” Serena prays in her own head.  
Serena falls into silence and closes her eyes.

Serena wakes up from her slumber. Hanssen is stroking her arm.  
“There you are.” He says calmly. “I have a message for you from ms. MacMillan.” He continues.  
“We all got a fright this morning, so I called her, to ask for her advice”  
“Okay?” Serena stutters.  
“First of all. She arrives to Holby tomorrow morning. Secondly. She sees it as a good sign that Bernie reacts on you and Charlotte.” Serena looks at him with surprise.  
“Me? Was that a reaction? I don't know if I can live with that, if that's how she's going to react on me. I got really scared.” She wonders.  
“Ms. MacMillan thinks it was because Bernie tried too hard to contact you, that she used too much of her energy and her pulse went to the roof.” He explains.  
“She wants you to take it easy until she arrives. She'll help you with the right procedures to stimulate Bernie. It's okay if Charlotte crawls into her bed again today, as it seems to calm her down.The music and the other things in her room is fine too.” He continues.  
“Can't I talk to her or touch her or.. or.. or.. kiss... her....goodnight?” Serena asks while she begins to sob.  
Henrik puts an arm around her. “Listen Serena. Look at me.” He says with his soothing voice.  
Serena looks at him. When he's sure, that she listens to him, he goes on.  
“It's okay for you to hold her hand. It's okay to caress Bernie. You can say short affectionate sentences to her. And you're of course allowed to kiss her good night. What's important is, for you to do only one thing at a time. Do you understand?” She nods to show Henrik that she understands what he tells her. She is to teary to talk right now.

What happened, when the alarm went on.  
“Serena, Serena, SERENA” Bernie tries to let Serena know that she hears her. “I LOVE YOU TOO. HELP ME. HELP ME!!!” Everything wents black.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna arrives to Holby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all your comments.

Roxanna MacMillan arrives at Holby airport. It's early morning. She had hoped, that Henrik would pick her up from the airport. He's not there. Well, she doesn't have the right to be disappointed. Why should Henrik pick her up from the airport? She had run away from him. Hadn't contacted him at all. She had only left her notice on his desk. No goodbye. No explanation. She hadn't answered his calls. After a month, he had stopped calling her. Therefore it was a surprise, when she received a call from Holby City hospital and it was Henriks smooth voice, who greeted her.   
“Hello, Roxanna. Sorry, that I'm calling you at this time of the day. I need your expertise for a patient on Darwin ward.” Roxanna was disapponited at first. He only called, because of a medical case. She was a little intrigued though.  
“Hello Henrik. Nice to hear your voice. Please tell me more about the patient.” She had answered.  
Henrik had told her all about Bernies coma. How the children had found her published works and about the decorations now hanging in Bernies room.  
“I need to examine the patient myself. Is it okay for you, if I come to Holby?” She had asked with anxiety. “I can send my colleague, if you don't want to see me.” She said hesitantly.  
“No. Ms. Wolfe needs the best. And that's you. How soon can you be in Holby? She heard Henrik say very business like.  
“I'll check how fast I can book a ticket and I'll e-mail you the details.” She sighed. She had hoped for a more private conversation. But what could she expect. She had hurt his feeling.  
“That's fine. I need to go. Goodbye.” Henrik ended the call.  
They had talked one more time, before she went to the airport. Only because of the issues with the alarm from ms. Wolfes heartmonitor.

She stands a minute outside the hospital, before she continues her journey to meet him again. It's so familiar, but also so foreign to enter the hospital. She rushes to the elevator and press the button for the floor, where Henriks office is. She's lucky that nobody enters. She's too nervous to talk to anybody. When she stands in front of the office, she tries to calm her breathing, before she knocks on the door.  
“Enter, please.” She hears Henriks stoic voice.  
“Hi.” She says shyly and looks down on her feet.  
“Ms. Macmillan. Welcome.” Henrik says. He's still angry at me, she thinks. He's always angry, when he calls her Ms. MacMillan. She looks up with teary eyes and she's about to begin to apologize to him, when she sees, that they aren't alone. Next to Henrik stands a brunette woman. She smiles at Roxanna. She reaches her hand out and says. “Hello, Ms. MacMillan. I'm Serena McKinnie. Ms. Wolfe is my partner. My wife.” Roxanna shakes her hand.  
“I hope, I can help your wife.” Henrik is formal because we aren't alone, she thinks. Perhaps I have a chance. He called me Roxanna on the phone. Hope is growing in her chest.  
“Please take a seat. We have a lot to talk about. Am I right?” He looks directly at Roxanna.  
“Yes, I believe so.” She stutters back.

Serena has a lot of questions for Roxanna. She patiently answers them all, as good as she can. Henrik has blocked all morning to their meeting. They have plenty of time, for her to explain her research work to them both. She's relieved, that Serena had read much of her works and had some understanding.  
When Serena has no more questions, Roxanna examines Bernie. She compliments the childrens work with the decorations and their idea with the music. She needs a little explanation to understand the fairylights and some of the other things.  
“You need to temporally remove some of the things. If she wakes up soon, her senses will get overstimulated.” Roxanna tells Serena. “I suggest, that you remove the drawings. The scented lights and don't spray any perfume in here.” Serena looks shocked at her. “Don't worry. The things are fine, but not all at the time. You can of course use the perfume on your body. When we begins with the exercises for your wife, she'll smell the perfume on you. Just as she normally do. You don't want the alarm from yesterday to be repeated, do you?” Roxanna continues calmly, while she lays a hand on Serenas arm. Serena confirms with a nod, that she understands.

Serena is anxious about it all, but she's also curious. What will Roxanna do for Bernie.  
“Can you tell me, when to expect Bernie to wake up.” She asks curiously.  
“No. It's all up to Bernie and how lost she is in her own world. I don't want to give you any expectations. That way I wont dissapoint you and you can still hope for her to wake up any day now. I believe she's a fighter.” She explains  
“I hope so.” Serena whispers.  
Serena begins to take the drawings down and remove the things, Roxanna had pointed out. She packs the things in the sportsbag and takes the time to leave the bag in her own office. That way, she gets time to think of the mornings events. She's so confused. Had they done to much wrong to help Bernie or was it good? Had they set her recovery back or what? She cries silently for a couples of minutes in her office, before she goes back to Bernies room.

While Serena was away, Roxanna had packed out. On the table, next to Bernies bed, lays a funny looking hat. And there is a new monitor too.  
“What's that?” She asks, when she entered the room.  
“You're back.” Roxanna greets. “Bernie needs to have this on.” She points at the hat. “That way I can monitor her brainactivity and I hope, that I can get wiser on her condition. Are your children coming to visit today.”  
Serena nods. “They will be here around 4 o'clock”.  
“Great.” Roxanna says enthusiastic. “I want to monitor Bernie, while your daughter do, what she has done the last couple of days. I want to watch Bernies reaction myself.”  
Essie enters the room. “Can I feed Ms. Wolfe?” She asks.  
“If you help me giving her this hat on first. Then I'm finish for now and you can feed Ms. Wolfe.” Roxanna answers.  
Henrik enters the room, with two sandwishes in a paperbag. He invites Serena to eat lunch with him in the peace garden. She accepts his offer. She isn't that hungry, but she feels, that she's needlees in the room right now. When they arrive outside, she realizes that the sun is shining. They sit down silently, next to each other on a bench. It's calming for Serena to sit in the sun with a good friend. She bends her head back, closes her eyes, sighs and enjoys the warmth from the sun.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna begins her work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments

Serena meets the girls outside the hospital, that way she can tell them about the changes Roxanna had made in Bernies room. She tells them all, what she had learned from Roxanna today. The girls are a little disapponited at first. She assures them, that what they had done wasn't wrong, it was just too much at a time. Their mood gets better, when she tells them, that Roxanna had praised their initiative and creativity.

Roxanna is in Bernies room, when they enters.  
“Hello, you two.” She greets them. “Who's Elinor and who's Charlotte?” She asks with a wide smile.  
“Hi. I'm Charlie and this is Ellie. She got the idea to ask uncle Henrik to call you, so you can help our mummy.” Charlotte says full og excitement.   
Uncle Henrik. How are they related, Roxanna wonders.  
“I can present my self.” Elinor mumbles. “Hi.” She stretches her hand out to shake Roxannas hand. “Nice to meet you ms. MacMillan.”  
“The pleasure is all mine. Please call me Roxanna. Ms. MacMillan sounds like an old lady. Am I right?” Then she looks at the girls and they giggles.  
“Your cousin has done an exellent research job. I had to move some of the things though. It is to much for your mothers senses to handle at the same time.” She continues. “It doesn't mean, that we can't use your ideas. Your mum has the rest of the things in her office. I'll use them later in the treatment.” It's important for Roxanna to assure the girls, that they haven't done anything wrong.  
Both girls nods.   
“We know. Mum told us, when she picked us up.” Elinor explains.

Roxanna is ready to begin with the observations of Bernie and how she'll react to different kinds of stimulation of her senses. She has given the nurse directions to write down the time, everytime she instructs Charlotte to do something to stimulate her mummys senses.  
“Okay, Charlotte, will you please crawl up in the bed to your mother, just like you have done the last couple of days? At first we'll try without music.” Roxanna instructs.  
Charlotte does what she's asked. She lays on her left side and talk directly into Bernies right ear. Her right hand is holding Bernies right hand. She begins to repeat the same sentences, that she had said to her mummy, the first time, she had done this.   
“Mummy, do you hear me? If you can hear me, can you please give us a sign. I want you to press my hand, if you can hear me. I love you and can't wait to talk to you again. I have so much to tell you. We all miss you. Mum, Cam, Ellie, Jason and even Granny.”

Bernies pulse slows a little, when Charlotte snuggles into her mummy. Then rises again, when she begins to speaks. Roxanna is satisfied with the result.  
“Charlotte, now I need you to be silent and only cuddle your mother and hold her hand.” She follows Roxannas directions.  
Bernies pulse calms down again and stays steady. Serena and Elinor is sitting holding hands, in a corner of the room. They are deeply engrossed in Roxannas working methods.  
“Charlotte, can you please get out of the bed again.” She crawl hesitantly out of the bed.  
Bernies pulse rises markedly.  
“That's fine darling. If you want to crawl back and cuddle with your mummy, it'll be okay. I've observed, what I need today.” Roxanna says.  
“Thank you.” Charlotte says a little disappointed. She had hoped Roxanna would examine her mummy much longer. She's happy she can snuggle with her mummy again though.

Roxanna turns to Serena and Elinor and smiles.  
“I know it isn't looking like I've done much. I need to analyse Bernies reactions and look at the monitors recordings of her brainactivity.  
“Elinor. I like to observe your interaction with your mother tomorrow, if you have the time.”  
“Sure. I like to do that. Can I talk to her today and touch her?” She asks.  
“Of course, darling. You can all do to her, what you like, but be sure not to do it all at the same time and just one person at a time.” She squeezes Elinors arm.  
“Serena, do you have time to talk to me? Maybe in your office?”  
“Yes, it looks like I have nothing else but time.” Serena mutters.

The two women are sitting in Serenas office. Each with a cup of coffee.  
“Serena, I need to talk to you, without the girls hearing it all. I had hoped for a bigger reaction from your wife, but..”She sees Serenas eyes turn blank. She touches her arm, to be sure, that she's still listening to her.  
“But?” Serena whispers.  
“I see a lot of potential. I'm sure I can help Bernie. I can't say when she'll wake up, but I've already observed enough to know, that she's aware of your appearance in the room. She reacts to all three of you.  
Serena breathes again. She hadn't realized, that she was holding her breath.  
“I also want to perform some physiotherapy with your wife as soon as possible.” She informs.  
“You can do that? How?” Serena asks.  
“It's important for a patient in a coma, not to loose musclemass. As a bonus we'll stimulate her muscle memory with special exercises for coma patients.” Roxanna explains.  
Serena doesn't understand it all, but she's confident, that Roxanna knows, what she's doing. Henrik had after all said, that she's the best in her field. She was already looking forward to observe the physiotherapy sessions.  
“Roxanna, I don't know how to show you how grateful, I am for your help. Yesterday, I really got scared with the alarm. I was afraid to harm Bernie in her recovery. I barely dared to touch her after that. You have given me the hope back and I'm ready to do everything, you want me to do, to get my wife back.”  
“You're welcome. I have an assignment for you. I want you to describe important life event for you and Bernie. I want you to write it down. Tomorrow we'll make a recording of you reading it to Bernie. I would like your children to do the same in the next couple of days.”   
“What do you need that for?”Serena asks.  
“In my research I've found out, that coma patients reacts on the voices of their loved ones. It often calms them down. By interviewing awaken coma patients, I found out, that they remember the things their loved ones have told them, while they were in coma. The voices had made them feel safe. By recording your stories/memories, we can play them for the patients over and over again.” Roxanna explains.  
“Fascinating.” Is Serenas only answer.

Is she dreaming? Is she hearing, what she thinks? Her girls are here.  
“I hear you. Charlie, mummy loves you. Ellie, mummy loves you too.” Bernie tries to talk, but just like the other days, nothing happends.  
Had Charlie said, that they are trying to help her. She wasn't sure, but she really hopes that she hasn't heard wrong. She will for sure try to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxannas work methods is inspired by this video:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI8FuogiI5Q


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments

She uses the most of the evening to write down memories on her tablet. Memories of her life with Bernie. She writes down about how they met. How she gave birth to Elinor. How they came home as a family. She writes about her divorce from Edward. About the first time she and Bernie made love. The first christmas as a family. How Bernie had proposed to her. How they got surprised by their friends, when they had planned a silent wedding. How she got her tressured pendant again. How Bernie went back to the RAMC. How Elinor and Cam had reacted to being without their mummy for six month. How they planned to become another child. About how Serena had had two miscarriages. How Bernie ended up giving birth to Charlotte. She writes about vacations with the children. How they celebrate Christmas and so on. She doesn't write about her big secret. It has to wait until Bernie wakes up and they know, how she is doing.

It's way past midnight. Serena gets interrupted in her work, when a nurse enters the room. She's going to change Bernies position in the bed.  
“Do you need some help?” Serena asks.  
“That would be nice. Thank you.” The nurse answers.  
They help each other and Serena is soon alone with Bernie.  
Serena sits down in the chair, that she has begun to concider as her safe place. It's very comforting for her to be near to Bernie as much as posible, but her back has begun to ache more and more each day. Bernie has to wake up soon or she has to surrender and sleep in the on call room. Perhaps...no she can't think that thought through. To go home to sleep in a good bed. That has to wait.

The next day is busy. Serena is spends the morning with Roxanna. They're recording some of Serenas memories for Bernie.  
“Serena, I have booked a CT scan for your wife tomorrow morning. I would like to show you, some of my research. We will use one of the recordings to show you, how important these recordings are.” Roxanna smiles.  
“I'm really fascinated. You have already showed me so much.” She answers.  
“I talked to Henrik yesterday. He think it's a good idea, for me to meet Jason too. If it's okay with you, I'll let Henrik set up a meeting with Jason, Henrik, you and me. I think Jason could be useful for me. I know he has Aspergers, but according to Henrik, he's very intellegent and very deticated to help his Auntie.” Roxanna continues.  
“Do you really think he can help you? If so, then it would be fine by me to set up a meeting. Henrik is aware of Jasons needs.”   
“Thank you Serena.”

In the afternoon the girls arrives. Roxanna observes Elinor interact with her mummy. Bernie reacts on her daughter with a slower pulse and with increased brainactivity. All in all, what Roxanna had expected.   
“Listen girls. I really need your help to make your mummy better.” Both girls looks inquiring at Roxanna.  
”Yes. We'll love that. How? Are you sure you can help?” Both girls begins to question Roxanna out.  
“Girls. Girls. Please one at a time. Ellie you first.” Roxanna stops them.  
“Okay. How can we help?” Elinor asks.  
“Yesterday, I asked your mum to write down memories about your mummy and today we have recorded some of the stories your mum has written.” She explains.  
“What do you need that for? And how does that help mummy.” Charlotte questions.  
“You two know, that Jason has found a lot of my research work on the internet.” The girls nods.  
“In my research with coma patients, like your mummy, I have found out, that coma patients reacts to the voices of their loved one. Just like I have observed, that your mummy does with the both of you. By recording your memories with your voices, we can play the recordings for your mummy over and over again.” She continues.  
“Wauw.” Elinor bursts out.  
“But how do you know, that it works?” Charlotte asks.  
“That's a very good question. I've interviewed coma patients after they woke up and it turned out, that they remember the recordings and they felt secure, when they heard the voices from their loved ones.” She explains.  
“When can we begin? And how and where?” Elinor asks excited.  
“I want you to each write a memory down about your mummy. It's important to write down feelings and sentences you can remember from that memory.” She tells the girls. “It's important you do your homework for the school. I don't want to end in your mums black book.” She smiles at the girls and winks with her eye.  
They both giggles.”Deal.”

Marcus arrives. “Alright, my two princesses, are you ready. We need to pick your brother up in the airport.” He greets.  
“Uncle Marcus.” They both exhales and gives him a hug.  
“Hello you two. Here's some money. Buy some sweets for the ride. I need to talk with your mummys doctor for 2 minutes. You can wait in the car.” He gives Elinor the money and his carkeys and the girls are gone.  
“Hello Ms. MacMillan. How is she doing?” He point at Bernie. “Do you know when she's going to wake up?” He looks at Roxanna with concern.  
“No. I can't tell you a time, but I believe we are on the way to get a breakthrough. And you are?” She answers.  
“Sorry. I'm Marcus. I'm Cams father. Bernies son.” He explaims.  
“Oh. Serena has told me about Cameron, but I didn't know who his father is.”  
“I would like to stay longer and talk. I have a lot of questions, but as you already know, I'm on my way to the airport to pick up Cam. He's coming home from Germany.” Marcus apologizes.  
“Serena. I'm sorry I can't stay. I think it's best for Cam to wait until tomorrow to see Bernie. He agreed with me, when I talked with him last night. I'm taking the girls home with me too. Helena is going to cook a home coming dinner for Cam tonight.”  
“It's okay Marcus. Thank you. Tell Cam, that I love and miss him. And say hello to Helena and the boys from me.” Serena answers. Marcus leaves the room.  
“Roxanna, I got an idea. The last couple of days, I've received a lot of messages and calls from our friends. Could it be an idea for them to record memories for Bernie too?” She smiles excited.  
“Exellent idea. I've thought of the same myself. That brings me to the next question. Do you have contact to some of her colleagues? Perhaps somebody, that was in the same accident as Bernie?” She looks hopefully at Serena.  
“Alex Dawson.” Serena exclaims after a couple of minutes. “She was in the IED too. She was the one, that stabilised her enough for the flight home. She's Bernies best friend in the RAMC.”

“Alex. She survived.” Bernie thinks relieved.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex arrives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments.
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter

Serena used the afternoon to contact their friends. She tells them all, about Roxannas research and the idea of recording memories for Bernie. She gives them the e-mail-adress, she and Roxanna had set up for the memories. That way their friends can record their stories and send them to Serena, without having to come to the hospital to do the recordings.  
The last one she calls is Alex.  
“Hello, Serena. How's B doing?” She asks, when she answers her phone.  
“She's still in a coma. Alex I need to ask you a favour. It's for Bernie. Serena says rapidly.  
“Yeah. I'll do anything for B. What do you want me to do?”  
Serena explains everything to Alex. How the children had done their research on their own. How they had found Roxannas project. She tells her, that Roxanna in fact is in the hospital right now.  
“Roxanna has found out that coma patients hear and often remember, what they have heard in their coma. She has also found out, that coma patients reacts on the voices of their loved ones. What I need you to do, is to write down how the accident with the IED happened. I know it can be hard for you to do. And it'll for sure be even harder for you, with what I'm about to ask you.”  
“Yes.” Alex whispers.  
“I need you to do a recording of you reading the story to Bernie. That way, we can play it for her over and over again.” Serena continues.  
Alex stays silent for a while.  
“Are you still there?” Serena asks.  
“Yes.” Alex whispers again.  
“Do you think you can do it?” Serena had already talked with Alex a few days ago and know that Alex is physical okay. Mental was a whole other issue.  
“Maybe.” Was the short answer from Alex.  
“Alex?”  
“Yes?”  
“I think I have an idea. Why don't you come here.” Serena suggests. “Then we can talk more about it.”  
“Yeah. That would be nice. I'm not sure, that I'm ready to talk about the IED now, but I'll like to try. I need you by my side. I think.” Alex finally answers.

Alex arrives to the hospital the next morning. Serena rises from her chair and hugs Alex.  
“I'm so happy, that you're here.” Serena whispers into Alex' neck.  
“Hello you two. Do I interrupt?” Roxanna enters the room.  
“No. Roxanna this is Alex Dawson. Bernies best friend from the RAMC. She was in the IED too.” Serena explains.  
“Oh! Hello.” Roxanna streches her hand out to Alex.  
“Hi. Are you sure you can help B? I mean Bernie. Does it help her to hear about the IED?” Alex asks unsecure.  
“Yes. I do. Eventhough I believe, we need to play the stories for her in a sort of chronological order. I don't think Bernie is ready to hear about the IED yet. Her mind has to be ready.” She answers.  
“Thank you. I'll try to write down the memories from the IED and I'll try to make the recording too. It might be good for me too, but I don't think I can do it today.” Alex says severely.  
“It's okay.” Roxanna lays her hand on Alex' shoulder. “You can do it in your own time.”  
Serena takes Alex' hand and squeezes it.   
“I don't want you to feel pressured, but I believe, that you telling Bernie about the IED, is the last piece of the puzzle.” Serena pleads.  
“I want to believe that too.” Alex whispers. “I need my friend back. Right now, I'm going for a walk. I need some fresh air.”

Serena is sitting in the armchair next to Bernies bed. She's holding her hand in her own.  
“Can I sit with her? Alone?” Alex had entered the room again.  
“Yes. Of course.” Serena rises from the chair and strokes Alex' arm.”Take as much time as you need.” And she leaves the room.  
Alex sits down in the chair. She doesn't know if she dares to touch Bernie. After a few minutes of silence, she takes Bernies hand in her own.  
“B. I was so scared. I thought, I had lost you. At first, I didn't knew if you had survived. Two days after the accident, I finally got through to Serena and she told me, that you are here. In a coma. Please, wake up B. I need my friend. I'm so f**ked up. I can't sleep. I keep on dreaming of the accident. I keep on dreaming, that I couldn't stabilise you. That you died in front of me. I..I..I know in my mind, that you survived, but...but...but that doesn't stop the nightmares. Serena and the doctor; Roxanna, have asked me to tell you about the I...E...D.” She begins to cry silently. “I don't think I can do it, but I need you to wake up. I can't imagine a life without my best friend. We all miss you.” She bends over and sobs into the matress.

Alex feels a hand stroking her back. It the nurse.  
“Are you alright, darling?” Essie asks with concern.  
“Yes.” Alex sniffles.  
Serena enters the room. Essie had seen Alex laying bend over, with her head on Bernies bed. She had called Serena and then entered the room to see if Alex needed help.  
Serena rushes to Alex and hugs her. Alex hugs her tight and begins to sob again.  
Alex slips down on the floor. Serena can't hold her and slips with her. They ends up sitting on the floor still hugging. Alex is crying and Serena tries to calm her down.  
“Shush, shush. Everything is going to be okay. I got you.” Serena whispers into Alex' hair, while she's rocking her back and forth.

“Alex, please don't cry. I'm here. I'm trying to come back to you all. I miss you too.” Bernie whispers in her head.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone propose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments.
> 
> Happy easter

Serena has convinced Alex to sleep a little in the on-call room.  
“If I can't sleep, I'll try to write a little about the IED.” Alex says softly  
“That will be a good idea, but try to get some sleep first. You look exhausted.” Serena says comforting.  
Alex lays down on the bed and Serena leaves the room.

Serena arrives back in Bernies room. Roxanna is in the room.  
“It's time for Bernies CT scan. Are you ready?” Roxanna asks.  
“Yes.”  
A porter enters the room.

Bernie is now in the CT scanner. Roxanna and Serena are in the little room in front of the scanner.  
“Serena look at the screen. I'm going to talk to Bernie now.” Serena does as she's asked.  
“Bernie, you are in a CT scan. You have been in an accident.” Very little happens on the screen.  
“Captain Wolfe can you give me a sign, that you hear me.” They can see a little brainactivity on the screen.  
“Now, I want you to talk to her.” Roxanna turns to Serena. She nods.  
“My darling Berenice. I love you and we all want you to wake up. Me and the children. I can't imagine a life without you.” She looks at the screen again.  
Bernies brainactivity had increased significant. Serena gets tears in her eye. Roxanna lays a hand on her arm and squeezes.  
“That was what I wanted to show you. Let's play one of your memories for Bernie.” She ensures Serena.  
They play the memory from the day Bernie proposed to Serena.

Bernie listens to Serenas voice.  
“My darling, beautiful Serena. I love you too. I hope that I'm back with you all soon.” She thinks.  
She hears the recording too. She remembers the day of her proposal. She was home from training. She had begun in the RAMC training program again. She had prepared the proposal for weeks. Serenas divorce was finally through. Edward had already married his fetus of a girlfriend. Bernie had had the ring in her bag for weeks. She didn't wanted Serena to find it at home, before she was ready to propose.  
She had cooked a lovely romantic supper for the both of them. Cam was at his fathers. Elinor was so little, that she was only breast feeding. She was already sleeping in her cod. They had enjoyed the supper and Bernie had lead Serena into the livingroom. She had turned on the stereo and played a wonderful song. They had danced, while Bernie had sung the words into Serenas ear.

There's a song that's inside  
Of my soul  
It's the one that I've tried to write  
Over and over again  
I'm awake in the infinite cold  
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands and pray  
To be only yours I pray  
To be only yours  
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars  
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again  
When it feels like my dreams so far  
Sing to me of the plans  
That you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands and pray  
To be only yours I pray  
To be only yours I know now you're my only hope

I give you my destiny  
I'm giving you all of me  
I want your symphony  
Singing in all that I am  
At the top of my lungs  
I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands and pray  
To be only yours I pray  
To be only yours I pray  
To be only yours I know now you're my only hope

The song is from a movie, they had watched a few time. “A walk to remember.” Serena ends up with tears in her eyes, everytime they watch the movie. When the song was finished, Bernie had kneeled down on one knee, with a small jewelery box in her hand and said: “My darling Serena. We have never done the things in the right order. We are already a little family. I love our two children. Cam sees you as his mum and I see Elinor as my daughter. I know, what you once said, was only meant as a joke, at that moment, but I was fond of the idea already then. Will you do me the honour to be my wife?”. They had both happy tears in their eyes. Bernie had opened the box and showed Serena the ring.  
“Yes”. Serena had whispered and then she pulled Bernie up from her position, so she could kiss her. “Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Bernie sings
> 
> https://youtu.be/PmbuIrD1XlU


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments

When Bernie is back in her room, she has got a new matress in her bed. This one is a special one, that prevents, that she gets pressure ulcers from to much laying in the same position. Now the nurses or Serena doesn't have to change Bernies position in the bed every two hours.  
Serena has just received a text from Cameron, telling her, that he is on his way to the hospital and that Elinor has told him, where Bernies room is.  
“Hi, mum.” Serena rises from her chair and gives her son a long hug.  
“I know, that we talked over the phone yesterday, but I need to say it once more. I've really missed you Cam. I'm sorry I couldn't be at your home coming dinner.” She says.  
“It's alright, mum. Mummy needs you more. And dad, Helena and my brothers and sisters were there. Helena had cooked a pork roast dinner for us.” Cameron answers. He looks at her mummy in the bed.  
“The girls have told me all about Jasons research and ms. MacMillan. Is it true, that she can hear us?” He asks.  
“Yes. I just saw it earlier. Ms MacMillan, Roxanna, made a CT scan of mummy. Roxanna talked to mummy but nothing much happened. Then she made me talk to mummy. On the monitor I saw her brainactivity increase, when she heard my voice.” Serena explains.  
“Wow. Know I understand, what Charlotte has tried to explain to me about the memories, that we have to write down and record.” Cameron exclaims.  
Serena lets Cameron be alone with his mummy. She stands outside the room and looks at her son and her wife. Eventhough Cameron is a 16 year old boy and almost has reached the same height as his mother, he now looks like a little vulnerable boy, Serena thinks. She can hear him telling about, what he had been doing in Germany. About 15 minutes later, he walks out of the room again.  
“Mum. I'm going home now.” He tells Serena.  
“Okay. It is nice having you back Cam.” She kisses his temple and hugs him, before he walks away to go home.

“Oh, Cam I miss and love you too.” Bernie thinks.

Bernie now hears Serenas recording about their wedding.  
They had planned the wedding to be a small one. It couldn't be a church wedding as it wasn't legal in England. Their luck was, that from the year, where Elinor was born, is was legal for them to register for a civil partnership. They only wanted the children and Marcus, Alex, Raf and Sian to be there.  
They had planned the wedding to be before Bernie was going abroad, with the RAMC for the first time. If she got hurt or worse, Serena and the children would be safe.  
Alex had convinced Bernie to buy a tuxedo for the day. Sian had convinced Serena to buy a new dress. Only few hours before the wedding, the register office had called Bernie, to ask if they could perform the ceremony somewhere else, because a water pipe had sprung a leak and the office couldn't be used at the moment. The woman, who was going to perform the ceremony, had suggested to use Bernie and Serenas garden. They both found the idea wonderful and said yes.  
There hadn't been any water leak. Later it turned out Sian had pulled a string or two.

Bernie had put her tuxedo on in their bedroom. Serena had breast feed Elinor only few minutes, before she put on her dress in Elinors room. She wouldn't risk to lactate, while they were getting married. As an extra security, she had of course had paddings in her bra. Sian had helped her zip the dress and then taken Elinor with her. Cam was with Marcus in the garden playing football.  
When they met in the hall, they both stopped and looked at their, soon to be wife, standing in front of them.  
“You are so beautiful.” Serena had gasped.  
“You too.” Bernie had stuttered.   
“I have something for you.” She had continued and then she had pulled Serenas pendant from her pocket. Serena didn't believed her eyes.  
“Where have you bought that? My dad told me, that it was one of a kind.” Serena had said surprised.  
“It's yours Serena. I found it a little while ago and let a juweler made some changes.” Serena examined the pendant. It was hers. The inscription from her father and a new one from Bernie. “For eternity – B” and then there was added 4 stones too.  
“The sapphire is Cam. The ruby is Ellie and the diamonds are us.” Bernie had explained.  
“Thank you darling. We said no presents, but of course I have one for you too.” She went back to Elinors room and came back with a present for Bernie. It was a photoframe with the inscription “Family” and there was a picture with the four of them.  
“Thank you.” Bernie leaned in to kiss Serena, but she pushed her away.  
“I don't think it's a good idea. I know I can't stop kissing you, and I don't want to re-do my make up.” She had whispered. They entwined their hands and went down the stairs and into the garden.

What they saw, when they entered the garden, wasn't what they had expected. All their friends and family was in the garden. They had decorated the garden with fairylights and there was a red carpet for them to walk on to the landing, they had set up in the bottom of the garden.  
“Surprise.” Was the first they heard, when they entered the garden. Then Cam came running to them in his own tuxedo and almost sprung in the arms of his mummy. Bernie lifted him up on one arm and he hugged her “I've missed you mummy.” Then he reached for Serena to hug her too. Bernie let him slip over to Serena. “I missed you mum.” He had said. “I've missed you too Cam. Now you must run back to daddy okay.” And she had set him down again.  
“I'm already teary.” Serena had whispered in Bernies ear.  
“Me too.” Was Bernies answer.  
The music began to play. It was a wedding march for them.

After the ceremony there was a buffet. Their friends had thought of everything. Food, music and inviting all the people, who was important for them.  
Sian had confessed, that there hadn't been a water leak, at the town hall. That she and Alex had planned it all and convinced the woman from the register office to call Bernie and tell the lie.  
Elinor had gone from arm to arm until she had fallen asleep and Serena had put her in the baby carriage under the apple tree. At the end of the day and after all the guest had gone home, Bernie and Serena had slowdanced cheek to cheek and barefooted under the same apple tree. Softly kissing each other every minut.  
Cam was in bed. They had finally convinced him, that a tuxedo wasn't made to sleep in. He was now tucked under the duvet, with his new teddy and of course his rabbit. Thank God, that he most of the days always slept through until the morning. Elinor had had her last feed for the day and was sleeping in her cod in the livingroom, so they could hear her, if she cried.  
They turned the music off and went inside. They picked Elinor up and took her with them upstairs. She woke up and was a little unsatisfied. Serena changes her diaper and fed her a little bit, but Elinor felt asleep, while eating and they put her down in her crib.  
When they came to bed, they had agreed, that it had been exactly the wedding, they didn't knew they wanted.  
They had slowly made love to each other before falling asleep. Very happy and married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wedding march: https://youtu.be/rmSokyVaaE4
> 
> Slow dance: https://youtu.be/5EdmHSTwmWY


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments

It's almost supper time and Serena haven't seen or heard from Alex, since she left her in the on-call room. She walks to the on-call room to check up on her. When she enters the room, she sees a peacefully sleeping Alex on the bed. The floor is full of papers. It seems, that Alex has tried to write something down about the IED. She knows from Bernie, that it isn't a good idea to touch a sleeping soldier. The first time, she had tried to wake Bernie up, after her first tour, she had almost knocked Serena out of the bed.  
Instead she stands at the end of the bed, talking calmly to Alex.  
“Alex, it's time to wake up. It's almost supper time. You need to eat something.” Suddenly Serena realizes, how thin Alex look. She had lost a lot of weight since, she saw her, before she and Bernie went abroad.  
Alex stirs in the bed and wakes up slowly.  
“Hi. I didn't want to sleep so long. I couldn't fall asleep at first, so I began to write. It seems that it's good for me to write about the IED. I haven't slept so long for years.” Alex says sleepy. Serena smiles at her.  
“Come on. Let's get something to eat.” Serena picks up the papers and hands them to Alex.  
“I'm actually quite hungry.” Alex giggles.

They sit in Pulses. They have found a table in a corner. Away from nosey eyes. Both of them haven't any energy to talk with others right now. It has been an eventful day full of emotions.  
While eating their sandwiches they talk.   
“Are you going back to the RAMC?” Serena asks.  
“I don't know. At the moment, I'm not allowed. My commanding officer wont let me come back, until I have done my therapy and the psychiatrist has declared me mentally healthy to go back.” Alex explains, while clenching her hand.  
“It's perhaps a good idea.” Serena answers. Alex looks at her, like a deer caught in the headlights.  
“I don't need that. I can deal on my own.” She says through gritted teeth.  
“Sorry. I didn't meant it that way. When I studied at Harvard I got a depression. The therapy sessions helped me a lot.” Serena explains. Alex wents silent.  
“Sorry. I didn't meant to scare you.” She finally whispers. Serena lays her hand on Alex' and squeezes it, to assure Alex, that she understands.  
After a couple of minutes Alex begins to talk.  
“I can't tell you about the IED. I have written down, most of what happened. I feel, that it helps me too. I'm not ready yet to record it for Bernie. I'm afraid to begin sobbing. When I'm ready, I'll record it at home and send it to ms. MacMillan. I don't want anybody else to hear it. It's only for B. Military confidentiality, privacy and all that.” Serena is still holding her hand on Alex'. She caresses her knuckles.  
“I fully understand.” She answers.  
“At some point you can hear it too, but I want B to hear it first. I don't want the children to hear it. It's B's choice if she wants them to hear about the IED.” Alex says almost soundlessly. Serena nods.  
They finished their sandwiches and Serena is ready to go back to Bernie. They say goodnight with a hug and a promise to keep in touch.

Serena walks back to the room. She silently prays, that she wont meet anyone on her way there. She is lucky. Roxanna is standing next to the monitor, when Serena enters the room. She turns to Serena and smiles.   
“I'm just reading the output from Bernies daily brainactivity. It has been a emotional day for her. I can see, that she reacted highly on Alex' breakdown. She also reacted on your sons visit. I'm very satisfied with todays result. Keep on the good work with writing down and recording memories for Bernie. I've already received a couple of recordings from your friends.” She says still smiling.  
“Jason called me earlier today. We had a long talk about my research work. He's a very intelligent young man. Just as Henrik has told me. I'm going to meet Jason tomorrow afternoon. He wants to see how, I'm using my research to help his auntie Bernie. I hope, it's okay with you.” She continues.  
“It's totally fine. I hope, he wont ask you too many questions. He can be a bit overwhelming for some people.” Serena answers.  
“Henrik has already adviced me, how to be around Jason. How to stop his questions, by asking him to only ask one question at the time and don't ask a new one, before I've answered the first one.”  
“Okay. That sounds great.” Serena sits down in her armchair. She takes Bernies hand and sighs. It sure had been an emotionally day.

“Lovely Jason. I miss him too.” Bernie thinks.  
She remembers, when she had met him the first time. Serena had received his letter a couple of days, before Bernie went on tour again. They had contacted Alan, Jason carer, and invited Jason to meet their family.  
He had accepted and they had a lovely afternoon. When Jason had found out, that she works as a doctor in the RAMC, he had asked her, what felt like a thousand questions.  
When she got back, he had read all, he could find about the RAMC and had cross examined her about most of it, until Serena had stopped him. From that day on, they had the rule, that he can only ask one question at a time and that he can't ask a new one before, he has got an answer to the first question. Before he can ask his first question, they have to agree how many question he's allowed to ask. It had been hard in the beginning, but now they were all happy, that they had taken the time to set up the rules for Jason.  
He's such a lovely young man and Bernie loves him like a son. He has so many dreams and hopes. Serena is often the one to disappoint him by saying no. Bernie had tried to help him to follow some of his dreams. Sometimes it went well, but most of the time, it ends up with Jason being deeply disappointed. The last time, that she had spoken to Jason, he had told her, that he wanted to find a job. She had adviced him to write a list, with things he's good at. It was a skype call, while she was on tour. The next time she skyped with Serena, they had a little discussion, because Serena don't think Jason is able to have a job. Bernie had convinced her in the end of the call, that she would help Jason to find a job, when she's back home. Perhaps there was something for him to do in the hospital.

“Dear Jason, I promise to find you a job, when I'm back in your world. I'll fight to wake up soon. I'm looking forward to hear your voice and when I wake up I can't wait to talk to you.” Bernie promises her self.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.

The first tour had been a horror for the whole family. The children didn't understand, why their mummy didn't came home every night. Serena was alone with two small children. Cam had turned 3 years old and Elinor was 1 year old. Serena was back at work and she was on her last year to finish her education. They had hired a nanny to take care of the children, when Serena was at work or at the university. They had hired Nathalie. She was 20 years old and was taking a year of before, she was going to study to be a schoolteacher. She was very good with Cameron and Elinor and they both adored her.  
They had celebrated Elinors first birthday in november and then celebrated their second christmas together, before Bernie went on her first tour abroad in the beginning of january.  
The first couple of days, Cam had constantly asked to know when his mummy would be home. A 3 year old doesn't know how long 6 month is. Every morning he asked Serena, “Is mummy coming home today? Is mummy mad at me? Have I been bad?” Serena couldn't cope with all his answers. Luckily Nathalie had made him a calendar and painted a face with curly hair and a heart on the date, that Bernie would come home. After that day, Serena helped him to cross a date on the calendar, every morning. Every day Cameron was in the creche from 8am to 1pm. Serena brought him to the creche in the morning and Nathalie picked him up with Elinor in the afternoon. When Serena came home, the supper was ready and she had some time with the children, before she had to study. She often woke up in the middle of the night, with her head leaning on a book.

She and Bernie tried to call each other once a week. And if it was possible, they tried to get the children to talk with Bernie. Cameron wasn't that fond of the idea at first. He wanted his mummy to be home with him. After a couple of month the idea had matured on him and he began to look forward to the weekly call from his mummy. Elinor didn't understand, that she could hear her mummy, but she couldn't see her. While Bernie was away, Elinor became a child that cried more often. She had trouble sleeping through the night and she often ended up sleeping in their bed.

The tour was hard on Bernie too. She missed her family. She missed her wife. She missed her children. The environment in the camp. was very different and it was much harder, than she had expected. Mostly because she missed her family so much. On her first tour, she learned real fear. She feared. that she wouldn't get home to her family. She was scared, that she couldn't live up to the requirements, so she could stay in the army. When she operated in theatre, it was totally different. She felt immortal. She couldn't get enough of rescuring lives. The lives she couldn't save took hard on her. The imagined their families and friends, that couldn't be together with their loved one anymore. She cried her self to sleep almost every night. Because of the lost lives or because she missed her family. 

She was happy to share quarters with Alex. Her best friend. It was a comfort for her to know, that Alex was there with a shoulder to cry on. It was Alex' third tour. She knew most of the feelings, Bernie was dealing with. She also had a girlfriend at home, but they hadn't any children. Alex was a exellent aunt for Cameron and Elinor. Alex wasn't sure if she wanted children at all. It was the reason, that her girlfriend broke up with her in the end. She wanted children, but Alex didn't found it fair to the children, that they would be without her so much. If she was going to be a mother, she wanted to be there for them. It would mean, she had to take a normal job and she wasn't ready to give up the army. Bernie was a little disappointed, when Alex told her, because she thought she meant, that Bernie had abandoned her children. When Alex had explained it all to her, she had understand better. Alex had told her, that she didn't thought she could be as strong as Bernie. That she respected her decision. That she was lucky to have Serena. Their friendship grew a lot stronger on that tour.  
Bernie enjoyed and feared her and Serenas weekly phonecalls. She was afraid that the children had forgotten her or that Serena had stopped loving her. When she finally heard her voice, she calmed down immedially. When Cam began to join in, she counted the days to their next phonecall. Elinor quickly lost her interest, and Serena had often put her to bed, when she called them.

Soon the six month was over and she could travel home to her family. They had agreed, that Bernie should take a taxi from the airport. Same sex relationships wasn't something you talked about in the army. And you didn't showed it either. They had been apart for 6 month and they both knew, that they couldn't hold back, when they saw each other again. It would be better for the children too. There would be too much exhilaration for the children in the airport, with families greeting their family members welcome home.

When the taxi parked outside the door of their home, the front door had sprung open. Cameron had run to his mummy. She had kneeled down so she could hug her. He wouldn't let go of her. He had snuggled into her chest and she had to lift him inside. Serena was waiting in the hall with Elinor on her arm. Both children had grown so much in six month. Serena had cut her hair short. It was different, but it was very sexy. She kissed Serena on the cheek. They could have their big reunion later. She then wanted to say hello to Elinor, but she began to cry. She didn't reconised her mummy at first. It had hurt Bernie. Later that afternoon Elinor had finally found out her mummy was there. She had commanded to sit on Bernies arm. She hadn't let go of Bernie for almost two weeks. Sometimes they could lay her down in the baby carriage or in her crib for a couple of hours, but when Elinor couldn't feel Bernies body heat in her sleep, she woke up and called for her mummy. At night she ended up sleeping in their bed. Most nights on Bernies chest.

After two weeks Elinor finally believed her mummy stayed with her. Bernie and Serena was already dreading, how she would react next time Bernie was going on tour.  
Bernies contract with the RAMC said six month on tour, one month on leave and then she would be training or teaching on the military training facilities outside Holby until she was send on tour again.

Before Bernie went away again, she used some time with the children to make a new calendar, for them to count down the days, until she was back again. When they got older Cameron and Elinor lost the interest in making the calendar, but she had made one with Charlotte before her last tour.  
Now she was home two month earlier, injured and in a coma without a possibility to interact with her children..

“Cam, Ellie and Charlie I'll promise to fight. I want to kiss, hug and cuddle the three of you again” I want our family to be reunited. I'll fight, I'll fight, I'll fight. I promise you.” Bernie says over and over again in her head.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets a job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late today.
> 
> Thank you for your comment and kudos.

It's sunday morning and Jason arrives on the ward with Alan. Jason is very excited. He's about to meat Roxanna. His new research project or should he say his new research buddy. Alan had used the time, at the breakfast table to repeat for him, that the rules he has with Bernie, Serena and Henrik, would be the rules he should use, when he speaks with Roxanna. Jason says goodbye to Alan, greets Serena, wents to Bernies bed and lays his hand on hers.  
“Hi, auntie Bernie. I miss you. I'm going to help ms. MacMillan today. I'm sure we will find a way to wake you up. Two intelligent brains are always better than one. Right?” He walks away from the bed again.  
“Where is ms. MacMillan?” He asks.  
“Oh. I'm sure she's on her way.” She can see Jason is about to be a little destressed. “What time do you expect her to be here?  
“9am. It's in two minutes.” He answers.  
“Okay. I'm sure she will be here on time. I've told her how important it is for you.” Serena tries to calm him down. She's happy that Roxanna enters the room at exactly 9 am.  
“Hi, you must be Jason.” She stretches her hand out. Jason greets her without taking her hand.  
“Yes. Ms. MacMillan that's correct.” He answers.  
“Just call me Roxanna, if that's fine with you?.”   
“Okay. It's fine with me.” Jason answers politely.  
“I think we should begin in your aunts office. You can ask me all your question and afterwards I'll show you some of the recordings of your auntie Bernies brainactivity. And I'll explain it all to you.” Roxanna says.  
“I can live with that.” Jason answers. Serena is ready to go with them, but Roxanna stops her.  
“I think I can handle this alone. If I need you help, I'll call you.” She says calmly to Serena.  
She's a little disapponted at first, but she knows Roxanna understands Jasons needs and she let's them go.

They sits down in the office.  
“Auntie Serena and Alan made me promise to follow the rules. One question at a time. You then have to answer and then I'm allowed to ask another question.” Jason says matter of factly.  
“That's right.” Roxanna confirms.  
They uses the next two hours with Jason asking questions and Roxanna patiently answering them all.  
Roxanna is very impressed of how much of her resaerch work he knows. She's impressed of how much he understands her project. After a short while, she had totally forgot, that he's only 19 years old and not a colleague of hers. She ends up asking Jason questions of, how he has done his research. Of course one question at a time. Around lunchtime, she can feel, that Jason is beginning to be more and more uneasy.  
“Jason, what time do you normally eat lunch?” She asks calmly.  
“11.45.” He answers. She looks at the clock and understand why he's nervous. It's 11.40 now.  
“Let's find your auntie downstairs in Pulses. She had promised me to have your lunch ready for you.” She smiles at Jason and he nods satisfied.

Jason is relieved to see his auntie Serena already sitting at a table, with his sandwich in front of her. She has also bought sandwiches for Roxanna and herself.  
“Hi, auntie Serena. Is it a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich for me?” He asks.  
“Hi Jason and Roxanna. Yes it is. You always eats peanutbutter and jelly for lunch on sunday, when we can't eat at home.” Roxanna smiles at them both. Serena had explained Jasons need for schedules. And told her how much these schedules contains. When to get out of bed. When to go to sleep. Every little thing is scheduled. What to do. What to eat and even what we wants to watch on TV. Roxanna is already getting fond of him. She understands, why Henrik likes the young man so much.

After lunch Roxanna shows Jason the digital output of Bernies brainactivity.   
Jason is very good at analyzing the results. He even make Roxanna aware of Bernies encreased brainactivity the last two days. Jason is a wizard with numbers. Roxanna is very pleased to watch, how he analyzes the results.  
The two of them works close together the rest of the afternoon in Roxannas lab.

In the middle of the afternoon Cameron, Elinor and Charlotte arrives. They now knows, that they can only be with Bernie one at a time. Every one of them uses around 20 minutes each with their mummy. Serena invites them to drink a cup of tea with her in pulses. It's almost time for Jason and Roxanna to join them too.  
When they drink their tea together, Jason can't stop talking about all the things, he had learned from Roxanna today.  
“I told you so. Rox is cool!” Charlotte bursts out. “I'm sure mummy will wake up soon.”  
“Matter of fact. I have helped Roxanna to analyze some of her results today. I found out, that Auntie Bernies brainactivity has encreased the last two days.” Serena looks surprised at Roxanna.  
“It's correct, but it's a very little development. I hadn't discovered it myself. Jason is a brilliant research worker. I can really use a intelligent man like him.” Roxanne tells them. Serena thinks she can almost see stars in Jasons eyes.  
“Auntie Serena will you please allow me to help Roxanna?” Jason looks at her with pleading eyes. She can't say no.  
“Alright, but Jason you have to listen to me. We need to set up rules and a schedule for the time you are helping Roxanna.” She explains.  
“We needs to talk to Henrik too. He needs to set up a contract for your work.” Roxanna interrupts.  
“What do you mean? Am I going to get paid?” Jason asks surprised.  
“Of course. You have showed me today, how much benefit I can get from your analyzing skills.” Roxanna answers.  
“I need to tell auntie Bernie.” Jason rises and goes back to Bernies room. He takes her hand.  
“Auntie Bernie. I've got a job. I'm going to help Roxanna waking you up. I'm going to be a research assistant.” He tells Bernie very excited.

“Oh. Jason I'm so happy for you. I'm looking forward to celebrate your first job, when I comes back from this limbo.” Bernie thinks.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elinor meets her dad for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Serena says goodbye to the children. They are taking the bus home. She returns to Bernies room and finds Jason telling Bernie eagerly about his job.  
“I think auntie Bernie needs some quiet time now, Jason.” Serena says calmly.  
“Okay. I'm going home now anyway. Mr. Hanssen is going to drive me home.” He answers with a smile.  
“Alright the others have taken the bus home. Granny is making chicken roast today for supper. Just as you want.” Serena continues.  
“I'm going to find mr. Hanssen. See you tomorrow on my first day at work.” Jason smiles even bigger. Serena silently hopes, that he won't get dissaponted. “Yes. See you tomorrow.” Jason lefts to find Hanssen. A few minutes later she sees Jason crossing the ward with Hanssen and Roxanna. She's happy to be blessed with friends, that are happy to help and support her children.

She walks to Bernies bed and takes her hand. “We are really blessed. We have three wonderful children and a lovely nephew. We have friends, that will do anything for us, just as we will do for them.” Serena whispers while stroking Bernies knuckles.  
“Yes we are truely blessed. You forgot to mention, that we're blessed to have each other.” Bernie answers in her head.  
“And most of all. We're blessed to have each other.” Serena continues. “I can't imagine a life without you.”  
“I know. I can't imagine a life without you either. I can't wait to be back in your world. Back to you and our kids”

Bernie begins to think back again. Earlier today she had heard one of Elinors memories. She had told her about a trip to the playground in the park. It was only the two of them. Elinor was about 3 years old. Cam was in the creche. Elinor had been a little poorly in the morning and therefore also a bit clingy and wouldn't let go of her Mummy, when Bernie was bringing both kids to the creche. Bernie had decided to bring Elinor back home. She had the day off anyway and was first expected back in training the following week. They took a nap on the couch together. Bernie on her back with Ellie snuggled onto her chest. After lunch Elinor was feeling a lot better and Bernie took her to the park to burn of some energy. It was a sunny afternoon and they had spent a couple of hours in the park. Most of the times on the swings. Elinor couldn't get enough. Bernie remember, how she was screeching of joy. How she begged: “Higher, mummy, higher.” When Bernie had told her, that it was time to go home, she wouldn't let go of the swing. Bernie had to convince her, that other children also wanted to use the swing and it was their turn now. At the end Elinor had accepted to let go of the swing, but only because Bernie had promised her a icecream. From an early age they could always convince Elinor, with icecream, if anything else had failed. She knew it wasn't the right way to do things, but when you had a screaming Elinor in front of you, it was often the easiest thing, to get her to do, what you wanted her to do. She knew that Serena wasn't approving her bribing Elinor, but she also knew, that Serena uses the icecream trick as a last resort too.

What Elinor doesn't remember is, that it was the day, that she by coincidence met her dad for the first time. They was standing in line. Elinor was sitting in her stroller and had kicked the man standing in front of them. The man had turned around and attacked Bernie verbally. He had told her to get her brat away from him. She had immediately recognized him. “Hello Edward. This is actually your own daughter.” She had told him calmly. He looked angry at her.  
“Who are you, may I ask?”  
“I'm Elinors mummy and I'm married to your ex-wife Serena.” Edward couldn't believe, what he was hearing. The little girl couldn't be his. How old could she be – 2 or 3 years old. When had he divorced Serena. Bernie could see in his face, when he realized, that she was telling him the truth. He suddenly went nice. He even paid for their icecreams. Bernie and Edward had talked and he had presented his new girlfriend Melody. He was now divorced from Hailey. The woman he was seeing, when Serena had given birth to Elinor.  
“Do you think Serena will let me see Elinor?” He had asked weakly. He had regretted, that he had given her full custody but at that moment in his life, he wasn't ready to be a dad. Melody had helped him to quit the alcohol and he wasn't the drunk he used to be. He still wasn't ready to have joint custody, but he sure wanted to see his child grow up.  
“I don't know. You really need to talk to Serena about that, but I'll help you. I will prepare her for your call. She's still very angry at you. I'll tell her that you've changed, but I'm not sure if she will believe me.” Bernie had explained.  
“I know I was a moron back then. I fully understand that she's angry.”He said with surrender in his voice.  
“I'll do want I can. Okay?” Bernie had tried to assure him.

When Serena came home from work, Bernie didn't get the change to tell about Edward.  
“Me and mummy met a man today. I got an icecream from him.” Elinor had bursted out. “He's my dad, mummy says, but I don't have a dad. Cam has a dad.” She had babbled on. Serena had looked frightend at Bernie.  
“It was nice of him to give you an icecream. What make you believe, that he's your dad?” Serena had asked.  
“Mummy said that to me after I had kicked him.” She answered matter of factly.  
“What?” Serena had looked very angry at Bernie.  
“It's true.” Bernie had whispered. “Elinor, why don't you go find Cameron in the garden. I'm sure you can persuade him to play ind the sand box with you.” And Elinor had run out in the garden.  
“What is this all about” Serena had confronted her.  
“It's true. We were waiting in the queue to buy and icecream and Elinor was having one of her tantrums and she accidently kicked the man in front of us. It turned out to be Edward.” Bernie had told her. “After he had yelled at me and called Elinor a brat, I told him very politely, that she was in fact his own brat. He went silent and I could see in his face, when he realized, that I was telling him the truth. He paid for our icecreams and we sat down to talk. We met his girlfriend Melody too.” Bernie had continued.  
“He has a new girlfriend. Why doesn't that surprise me. What about his fetus bride?” Serena had asked.  
“They are divorced. He has given up the booze. Melody helped him getting into the AA program and she has been very supportive to him. He apologized for being a moron to you. He has realized that he wants to have contact with Elinor. A little while ago he began to regret, that he gave you the full custody.” Serena was beginning to protest, but Bernie held a hand up in front of her. “Serena please let me finish.” She had pleaded.  
“He knows he wont be a perfect dad and he isn't interested in joint custody. He just want to be a part of his daughters life. See her from time to time. He will call you. Please give him a change, before you bites his head of. Okay” Bernie showed Serena that she had finished her speech.  
“I don't believe him. Suddenly he's sober and now he want contact to a daughter he wasn't interessted in, when she was born. Bernie I can't. I can't let him into her life. I don't trust him to stay sober. I don't want him to break her heart.”  
“I understand, but please hear what he has to say.” Bernie had stopped her in her rambling.  
“Okay. When did you became the chairman of the Edward Campbell fanclub?” Serena had muttered. Bernie knew Serena had given in and would talk to Edward.  
Serena had talked to Edward and they found an agreement. He could only see Elinor in her own home. After four years with visits from Edward every second month, he had suddenly stopped. Melody had left him and he had begun to drink again. Serena had confronted him and told him, that he couldn't stop visiting his daughter now. His visits had been unsteady ever since. He is now married to Liberty – another fetus bride and a fellow alcoholic


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

It's monday morning. Serena has spent the night in the on-call room. Her back wouldn't allow her to sleep in the armchair anymore. The night nurse had promised to call for her, if Bernies condition changed. Serena hadn't slept well, but she was astounded, that she had slept at all. The bed in the on-call room isn't the best, but it was better than the armchair. She missed her own bed, but she can't leave Bernie at night. The bed in the on-call was an acceptable compromise, because she can be back in Bernies room within minutes if something happened to Bernie or if she wakes up.

On her way back to the ward she observes, that Jason and Henrik arrives in the parking lot. Where was Roxanna? Hadn't she left with them yesterday? Essie had told her, that Roxanna was going to eat supper with Henrik. She had hoped they had talked to each other about their feelings. Apparently they haven't or it had gone terrible wrong. Knowing Henrik, she guesses, that they haven't cleared the air. Henrik was still looking like a heartbroken man. Hopefully he hadn't scared Roxanna away again. Before Serenas mind can build more stories, she sees Roxanna in Bernies room.  
“Good morning. I thought you would be arriving together with Henrik and Jason today.” Serena greets. Roxanna turns to her looking as heartbroken as Henrik.  
“Good morning, Serena. No, we only ate supper together and then I went back to my appartment on the guest floor here at the hospital.” She answers sadly.  
“Oh. Henrik always the gentleman.” Serena mutters. Elinor is right. We need to help those two to get together. She squeezes Roxannas arm.

Jason and Henrik enters the room. They all say good morning to each other. Serena can feel how exided Jason is.  
“I have reserved an office and a lab for the two of you.” Henrik says and nods at Jason and Roxanna.  
“That's great Henrik. I can't keep on using your office Serena, so yesterday I asked Henrik to find an office for me to use as long as I'm here.” Roxanna explaines.  
“So Jason, are you ready for work?” She turns to Jason and he nods.  
“Yes. Ms. Roxanna.” She had convinced him not to call her ms. MacMillan, but he insisted on calling her ms. Roxanna instead.  
“I have some work for you to do in the office, while I'll instructs your auntie Serena in some exercises for her to help your auntie Bernie. Is that okay?” She continues. Jason nods and give her on of his broad smiles.  
Henrik shows them the new office and Roxanna and Jason help each other to receive all the things Roxanna had in Serenas office. They use a little time to get everything right in the office. Roxanna had asked the IT unit to help her to get the results from the monitors send directly to her and Jasons work e-mails. That way Jason can sit in the office and analyse the results, without being stressed from other people in the room.

Roxanna returns to Bernies room. “ Jason is already working hard analysing results in the office.” She informs Serena. “ Are you ready?” Serena doesn't know what to answer.   
“Okay. Today I want you to do what your girls already have done. I want you to crawl up in the bed to Bernie.” Serena looks at Roxanna with shock in her eyes.  
“Do.. do.. you... think.. the bed is big enough for both of us. Don't I weight too much. I'm not as small as the girls.” Her finger fidgets with her pendant.  
“Don't worry. The bed is build to carry 250 kilos.” Roxanna answers.  
Serena begins to enter Bernies bed hesitantly. She lays down beside Bernie just like she had seen the girls do. She snuggles into Bernie. She realizes how must he had missed to cuddle with Bernie. It was more than six month since she had done it the last time. Roxanna lets Serena have some time alone with Bernie. She can see it's a very emotional moment for Serena. She kisses her wifes temple.  
“God, Bernie, I miss you so must. I love you even more.” She whispers. Roxanna comes back in the room.  
“Serena I would like you to talk calmly to Bernie. Just like Charlotte did the other day. You can say what you want or you can tell her one of your memories. It's important, that you touch her. You can hold her hand, caress her cheek etc.” Roxanna instructs.  
Serena begins to tell Bernie about how much she loves her. How much she can't wait to get a normal daily life with her and the children. Some of the time she just cuddle with Bernie and enjoys the feeling of having Bernie in her arms again. In the end she falls asleep. Roxanna leaves the room to let Serena get some sleep.

Around lunchtime Roxanna wakes Serena up. She looks more calm and more fresh, than she had seen her the few days, she had known Serena.  
“Ms. Roxanna, what have you done to auntie Bernie this morning?” Jason enters the room.  
“What do you mean Jason? What happened?” She asks.  
“Well, auntie Bernies heartrate had been very calm the last three hours and her brainactivity had been a little encreased but stable.” He answers.  
“If you look at the bed, I think you'll know the answer”. She points at the bed. He smiles, when he sees Serena climbing out of the bed very ungracefull. He help her get down from the bed.  
“You looks very sleepy.” He says.  
“You would be sleepy to, if you finally could sleep well, when you haven't done that for a long time.” She answers.  
“I always sleeps well. That's because I have a structured sleeping schedule.” Jason explains. Serena gives up. She realizes that it's difficult for Jason to understand, that she never sleeps well, when she can't cuddle with Bernie. 

“I miss and love you too, my darling Serena. It was lovely to feel you body cuddled into mine. I really want to wake up, but I don't know how. I try all that I can. I can't find my way out of this limbo. I have really high hopes, that Roxanna and Jason can help me. I want to go home. I want daily life with all of you too. I miss the children. I want to be normal. I..I.. I'll fight. I promise.” Bernie continues her monologue in her head.

”Roxanna, do you approve, that I sleep in Bernies bed tonight?” She asks. Hoping to get a positive answer.  
“I see no problem with that. On the contrary. I think it can be a help for your both. I don't think I'm wrong, when I assume, that's the way you two normally sleep.” She says with a smile. Serena nods and blushes.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments

One day follows the next for Serena. The days are full of examinations. Bernie listening to memories, from her family and friends. Serena is beginning to be more and more hopeful after Roxanna and Jason had told her, that they see changes everyday. Roxanna had called a physiotherapist with speciality in coma patients. She had shown the both of them, how to do exercises, that are good for Bernies muscles and her motorskills. They now train Bernies body about 30 minutes everyday. The children comes to the hospital after school and each one of them, has some alone time with their mummy. Charlotte always climbs up in the bed to Bernie. Elinor vary between laying the bed with Bernie, standing next to the bed and sitting in the armchair, but she always holds her mummys hand. Cameron sits in the armchair holding his mummys hand and talking to her. He doesn't has the same needs, as the girls, to cuddle with his mummy anymore. He misses her hugs though.

This evening Bernie had heard a wonderful memory. She had heard it, while Serena had cuddled with her. It was the memory about how they had decided to become another child. Alex had told them about a friend of hers, that got help from a woman called Nina Stork, who runs a fertility clinic in Copenhagen, Denmark. Since 1999 she has among others, helped lesbians to become parents. They talked about traveling to Denmark to get Serena inseminated. They had agreed, that Serena was the one to get pregnant. Bernie was back in the RAMC and if she got pregnant, she had to set her career on pause again. It would be easier for Serena, because she could work until a short while before the birth. When they began to explore more about the clinic and the prices, they had almost given up. How could they affort that?  
Serena had tears in her eyes. Bernie knew how much Serena wanted another child, because she wanted it as much as Serena. Bernie knew, that she wouldn't and couldn't dissappoint Serena.  
“Darling, we'll figure something out. It has to be safe and I think this clinic is very safe. I don't want you to do, what I know you are thinking to do right now.” Bernie commanded  
“What do you mean? We don't have the money to pay for the insemination, so our only change to get me pregnant is to find someone, have a one-night-stand and then cross our fingers, that I get pregnant.” She had said very hesistant.  
“No. I don't want you to do that. You never know what diseases, he could have.” Bernie protested.  
“Then, what do we do?” Serena asked.  
“I can pay with some of my inheritance. I know we have talked about using it for a mortgage for a bigger house, but that can wait.” She assured Serena.  
“But ..” Serena began  
“No buts. Cam and Elinor have their own rooms. The little one will sleep in our bedroom in the beginning. If we get a girl, she can share the room with Elinor until we have money enough for a mortgage. If we get a boy, we have to be creative. I don't think Cam would like to share his room with a baby, when he would be almost 6 years old, when the baby arrives, if you get pregnant on the first attempt.” Serena nods. She's so grateful to have such a loving wife.

The next day, they had called the clinic to hear more about the procedure. No children were at home. They were sitting on their bed, because that was were Bernie had found their phone. They were happy to find out, that the amount they had to pay for the insemination, covered semen to three attempts. When the clinic leader found out, that they both are doctors and Serenas worked in the research unit at the hospital, she suggested that she would do the first insemination, when they came to Copenhagen, if Serena had her fertile days. If not, they could bring the semen with them in a special container and then store it in the hospital and they could do the insemination themselves. If they were lucky to get pregnant in the first attempt, they could keep the semen, if they wanted another child later. Bernie ended up talking to Nina, the leader. Serena couldn't talk anymore, when she realized, that this was really happening. They were going to get another child. She sat next to Bernie, with happy tears running down her cheeeks, while holding Bernies hand. When Bernie had ended the phone call, she had dried Serenas tears away with her thumbs. Caressing her cheeks. Serena had leaned into her hand and closed her eyes.  
“I'm so happy right now.” She whispered.  
“Me too.” Bernie answered, realizing, that she also had tears in her eyes. She leaned in and kissed Serena. They ended up making love to each other. Very slowly. As if they had to be sure to show their love to every inch of each other. After hours of making love, making each other come over and over again, they fell asleep with limbs entwined and sated. They woke up in the middle of the afternoon, just in time to pick up the children.

They traveled to Copenhagen, only the two of them. When they were sitting in the waiting area Bernie had felt how nervous she was. They had taken a fertility test the same morning and they found out that Serena was fertile.  
“We can end up being pregnant today.” Serena had said, looking very happy at Bernie, showing her the test.  
“Really.” Bernie had answered with a broad smile, before kissing Serena. They were so happy and in love, they ended back in bed having sex for so long, that they arrived at the clinic just seconds before their appointment. Their luck was, that there was a little delay at the clinic.  
Nina picked them up in the waiting area and showed them to her combined office and treatment room. Bernie and Serena were holding hands. To assure the other was alright and to calm each other down. They were taking a big step at that exact moment. Bernie felt the butterflies in her stomach. As Serena had said, they could end up being pregnant today. In fact they could be pregnant when this consultation ended.  
They had picked a donor before they arrived to Copenhagen and Nina had provided the semen for them. One sample, Nina used to inseminate Serena, after she had examined her and they got the other two home with them. The container with the semen was designed to keep the semen at the right temperature for 48 hours. Nina had provided the right papers for them to take the container with then on the plane. It had been very easy concidering Serenas job in the research department.

They arrived at Holby airport very happy and Bernie was sure, that everybody in the airport knew, what they had with them in the bag and that made her blush. They couldn't stop touching each other. They took a taxi direct to the hospital to be sure that the semen could be kept under the best conditions. Labeled “Private McKinnie-Wolfe”. They hoped, that they only would need the semen for another brother or sister, after the one in Serenas belly was old enough, for them to get another child.

It didn't ended that way. Serena got pregnant in the first attempt, but had a miscarriage in the 10th week. After a couple of month of mourning, they tried again. The second time Serena didn't conceive. A short while after, Bernie went on tour again. Serena wanted to surprise Bernie, when she came home, so she inseminated herself. When Bernie came home, she saw Serenas baby bump and became teary eyed of happiness. She felt down on her knees and kissed the belly. It turned out, that Serena was sixteen weeks pregnant. Bernie loved the bump from the first sight. She couldn't stop touching it. More times a day she sneaked up on Serena, sneaking her arm around her from behind, just to caress the belly. When they were sitting on the couch in the evening, it was always with their hand entwined on top of the bump. At night she could wake up, because her hand wasn't on the bump. In week twenty they received the shock of their life. The fetus was dead. Serena had to give birth to a dead child. It was a boy. They named him Aaron. He's buried next to Serenas father. The whole family visits the grave every year on his birthday. On the gravestone stands:

Aaron  
To small for this world  
Our star in heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stork klinik
> 
> https://ellafestival.com/storkklinik/


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your comments and kudos

After the loss of Aaron, they didn't had any semen left. They didn't had money enough to buy another sample. Serena and Bernie hadn't given up becoming another child, but they had to take a break from their dream. They just had to find a new and free method to get pregnant. A one-night stand was out of the equation. Serena had begun to have second thoughts. She didn't know if she could cope getting pregnant again. She was afraid of losing another fetus. She knew, she would be full of anxiety, throughout the whole pregnacy, if she was the one to be pregnant. It had taken her three months, before she had told Bernie about her anxiety. Bernie had gone silent at first, but after a couple of minutes, she had answered: “I fully understand your concerns. It's settled then. I have to be the one getting pregnant this time.”  
“What? Do you mean that? What about the RAMC?” Serena couldn't believe, what Bernie had said.  
“I meant, what I said. I'm not the first woman in the RAMC to become pregnant. We are luckier than most married couples. We have two wombs.” She smirked.  
“Bernie? How? We don't have money to buy more semen.” Serena had asked.  
“I have thought a lot about it. How do you think of this idea? Cam has his dad in his life. Elinor knows, who her dad is and they see each other a couple of times a year. I think, I want our next child to know its dad too. But we have to wait until after my next tour. Okay?” She had explained.  
“I like that idea. Perhaps one of our friends like to be a donor.” Serenas eyes began to sparkle. That way they ended up asking Raf to be a dad. He already loved Cam and Elinor and was a loving uncle to them. He had just broken up with his boyfriend Philip. Raf loved the idea from the moment, that they had presented it to him. He had always dreamt of being a dad.

His donation, they deposited under the same safe conditions, as the semen from Copenhagen. When Bernie came home from her next tour, Serena inseminated her on her first fertile day. Two weeks later she had her period. They tried once more. Again without a result. Then Serena had suggested to do IVF instead. She would harvest some of Bernies fertile eggs and inseminate one of them in the lab and then set it back into Bernies uterus. That way Bernie ended up pregnant. Opposite to when she was expecting Cameron, she was really excided. This time she wasn't embarrassed. Again she went to her commanding officer to tell, that she was pregnant and she couldn't go on a new tour for a while. He was indeed angry. He knew, that she was married to a woman and therefore he had thought, that he would never get problems, with one of his best doctors, to fall out pregnant. When she was standing in front of him, she had felt a little guilty, because she hadn't informed him about their baby plans. She also knew, she wouldn't have had the courage to tell him about their plans, because she was afraid, that he would have forbidden her to get pregnant or get he fired. After he had yelled at her for, what felt like 10 minuts, he had congratulated her and offered her the same job, she had, when she was expecting Cameron. This time Bernie had decided, that she didn't want to do locum jobs on the side. This time, she was looking forward to the nesting. She was looking forward to do all the preparations with Serena.

They had of course asked Raf, how much he wanted to be a part of the pregnacy.  
“I would like to be there for the ultrasounds and the birth, but the rest I want to be your project.” He had answered.  
When they had told Raf, that he was in fact going to be a dad. He was ecstatic. At first he couldn't believe his luck. Then they had shown him the pregnacy test from the GP.  
After the first ultrasound Raf had changed his mind. He wanted to be a bigger part of the nesting. He had offered to be a warrantor for a mortgage, so they could get a bigger house, before the baby would arrive. Soon they had found their dreamhouse and was moving in. Bernie was 14 weeks pregnant and Serena and Raf wouldn't let her lift too much. Raf had helped them decorate the childrens rooms. Cam got a room with a superhero theme. Of course Elinors room had to have a princess theme. The decorations in the babys room, they decided to be neutral. It was fit for both boys and girls. When the baby got older, they could redecorate it, when they knew what interessed the baby.   
At their 20 weeks ultrasound, they found out, that they were expecting a girl. Raf drove directly to the local DIY center and bought “all you need to decorate, a room for a baby princess”, to his house. He had showed them the result. Bernie wasn't sure, that she had ever seen so much pink in one place. They had done a good job with Elinors room, but this room was even more pink.

This pregnacy wasn't as easy as, when she was expecting Cameron. This time she was showing very fast and in week 16, she was as big as she was in the end of her last pregnacy. She was really suffering from morning sickness. Some mornings it even was so bad, that she couldn't drink her, now decaf, coffee. Serena was trying to find food, that Bernie could eat in the morning, without throwing it up seconds later. In the end, Bernie waited to eat until lunch. That way she could hold most of the food in the stomach. She was in week 28, before the morning sickness was almost over. She sometimes still got sick, if she smelled a specific scent. 

The children was excided too. Cameron told Elinor everything he knew about babies. He remembered how Elinor had been in Serenas belly. “But you had already been in mums belly for a while, when she moved in. Her belly was big, because you was born on your birthday and it is in november and mum moved in with mummy in september. That's only two months. A baby is in the mummys belly for nine month.” He had babbled on and on. Serena could see on Elinors face impression, that she didn't understand it all.  
“Cam, I think it is enough now. If Ellie wants to know more about babies, she can ask me or mummy.” She had told him.  
Cameron was exactly as dedicated about this baby, as he had been, when Serena was expecting Elinor. They had waited until week 12 to tell the children, that there was a baby in mummys belly. Now Cameron had 6 month to show his love to the baby. Serena and Bernie was both impressed, that he had time to be a good big brother for Elinor and show his love to the belly. He wanted to know everything about babies. It was sometimes too much with all his questions and they had to stop him. In a middle of a game, he could stop to play, just to come to Bernie to cuddle and kiss the belly.  
“Mummy. I love the new baby like I love Ellie and you and mum and granny and dad and Helena.” He had said one day. Bernie had to fight hard not to cry from happiness.

One night, when Bernie was reading for Elinor, she had patted Bernies belly and asked:  
“How does babys come in to the belly?” Bernie didn't knew if she could give Elinor an answer, she would understand, but she tried.  
“To make a baby you need an egg from a mummy. They are so tiny, that you can't see them. Then you need a part from a daddy. Uncle Raf was very nice and give one of his to mum and me. Then the daddy thing has to be put into the mummy egg and then you have begun to make a baby. It can only grow in the mummy. It grows nine month in the belly and then the baby is ready to be born.” Elinor noded and patted the belly again. She hadn't questioned much since that evening. Why should she, when Cameron was overflowing her with information about babies.  
Elinor got a little annoyed about the baby, when the belly grew bigger and bigger, because she couldn't sleep on Bernies chest anymore. The rest of the time, she copied her brother and patted and kissed the belly.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

It was in week 30 of Bernies pregnacy, and she had to give up working. She was suffering from pelvic instability and had to rest a lot. It was very painful for her, to stand up straight for longer than 10 minutes at a time. It was too difficult for her to teach in surgery. She was devastated the day Serena commanded her to go to her GP to get sick leave.  
“I don't want you to give birth too early or in worst case, that we will loose her, before she gets born.” Serena had yelled and Bernie had understood, that Serena was right. She had to take care of their girl in her belly. In the beginng she hated to be on sick leave. She was very moody. She didn't want to be grumpy mummy, so she made a schedule for her self. She needed to do something everyday. She couldn't do much and often she just sat in the big armchair in the livingroom. She couldn't do much in the household, but she could pick up the kids. She picked Elinor up from the nursery first. She had to sit down and take a break there. The carers knew that, and lent her a adult chair to sit on. She then played a boardgame or painted pictures with Elinor and her friends, before the two of them picked Cameron up from school. They parked in front of the school and waited for Cameron to come out from the playground. Serena and Bernie had talked with him and made him understand, that Bernie had a lot of pain, because of the baby and that it would hurt her too much, if she had to go inside and pick him up.  
“It's okay. I can come to the car myself. I'm a big boy in school now.” He had answered very confident. He took his 'job' as a big brother very serious. He was so proud, that he was allowed to go from the classroom and to the car all by himself. What he didn't knew was, that Bernie had talked with his teacher and told her about their agreement with Cameron and the teacher had promised her to look after him. She often stood in the window to be sure, that Cameron was picked up.

Bernie loved her time with the children in the afternoon. She helped Cameron with his homework. Played with Elinor. In the middle of the afternoon, she often read them a story or they watched a movie. If she was too tired and needed a nap, she read to the children in her and Serenas bed. She and Elinor then took a nap together and Cameron went to his room and played silently. Sometimes the children was playing downstairs, when Serena arrived home. They told her, that mummy was asleep upstairs and they didn't want to wake her.   
Serena then cooked supper before, she would wake up Bernie, if she hadn't woken up herself. From week 35 of the pregnacy, Bernie only used the stairs to come downstairs in the morning and to go upstairs in the evening to sleep. The stairs was too hurtful. Serena couldn't cope to watch, how much in pain Bernie was and she made a deal with Raf to help her to get their bed downstairs in the guestroom. They haven't had the time to buy a bed for the guestroom. They had a sofabed in there, but it wouldn't be good for Bernies back, to sleep on a sofabed for the rest of the pregnacy.

It was Serenas turn to pamper Bernie. She massaged her back and her ancles. She was running warm baths for Bernie until she couldn't step up in the tub anymore. She enjoyed to help Bernie. The best, was to massage cream into the belly to prevent strechmarks. They participated in Lamaze class together. Serena could drive off in the middle of the night to buy icecream or something else, that Bernie was craving. Naturally Bernies crayvings at night, was always something, they didn't had in the house. The last couple of weeks before the birth, she even helped Bernie getting dressed.

It was a saturday morning, when Bernie felt a sharp pain, that indicated, that she was in labor. She imidiately knew, that it was a contraction, because it was more painful, than the Braxton Hicks contractions, she had had the last couple of weeks. Cam and Elinor, was playing in the garden.  
“Serena, it's time.” She had whispered.  
“Darling, what?” Serena was engrossed in making sandwishes for their planned trip to the park and hadn't heard, what Bernie had said.  
“It's time.” Bernie had said through gritted teeth. She had another contraction.  
“What? Now? Are you sure?” Serena forgot all about the sandwishes. “What do we do?” Bernie had to calm Serena down.  
“First you have to call Marcus and asks him to pick up the kids. Then you'll finish the food for the park. I'll get the kids to come inside, so we can explain to them, what is happening.” Bernie said calmly. Serena did what she was told. The children came inside. Bernie sat down on a chair in front of the children and began to explain: “Listen cubs, me and mum can't go to the park with you today.”  
“Why?” They had both asked dissapointed.  
“Because the baby want to be born today. Me and mum are going to the hospital, when Marcus has picked you up. He will take you two to the park. You're going to have a sleepover in his house. Okay?” They both noded.  
“When can we see the baby? Cameron had asked interessted.  
“We don't know. It can be today or tomorrow, but mum will call Marcus, when the baby is born.” Bernie had explained. Serena entered the room and noded at Bernie to signal, that Marcus was on his way. Bernie had another contraction. Serena stroked her back and talked calmly to her until the contraction was over. Cameron took Elinor by the hand and led her into the livingroom and turned the TV on. He didn't want Elinor to be scared. 

Marcus soon arrived. He walked right in and looked into the kitchen. Bernie was having a contraction again. He went to find the children and found them in the livingroom watching TV. Cam holding his sisters hand.  
“Come here kids. Let's pick up your teddys and then go to the park.” He said.  
“Yeah.” They both yelled and they run upstairs to get their teddys. They already had everything else, that they needed at Marcus' house.  
Marcus walked into the kitchen and found Serena packing the picnic basket for them. Bernie was still sitting down relaxing before the next contraction. He layed a hand on Bernies back and kissed her temple.   
“I hope the birth is going to be without complications. Don't worry about the kids. We're going to have fun in the park and Helena has decided that we're ordering pizzas tonight.” He said calmly. Serena gave him the picnic basket.   
“Thank you for your help. Helenas too.” The children is back downstairs. Their mums hugged and kissed them goodbye. Marcus and the children had only been gone for a minute, when Bernies water broke. She was standing in the hall, while Serena was upstairs to get the suitcase, with the things they needed for their girl, when she was born.   
“Serena! I need clean clothes, can you take some with you?” She had shouted. Serena emerged on top of the stairs.  
“Why, do you need clo....?” She didn't finished the question.  
“My water has broken.” Bernie interrupted.  
“Oh! Of course. I'll be down in a minute.” Serena said.

After Serena had helped Bernie changing her clothes, they went to the hospital. Serena almost drove of the road, when Bernie got a contraction. She wanted to help Bernie and forgot to look on the road. They stayed on the road, only because Bernie had yelled, that she should keep her eyes on the road. Serena stopped on the side of the road until the contraction was over. Now she understood, why men was so perplexed, when their wife, was in labor. When they arrived to the hospital, they got send directly to the maternity ward.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Raf reveals the secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos.

The birth went well. Bernie didn't have to struggle as long as Serena did, when Elinor got born. Serena was a very good support for her wife during the birth. Just as Bernie had been for her.  
They had called Raf, when they got to the hospital. He and Serena had agreed, that Serena should call him again, when it was closer to the actual birth. Raf was working and had an elective surgery planned. Raf worked at St. James hospital. He was a colleague to Marcus, who worked as an anesthesiologist. Around supper time Charlotte was born. Raf arrived just in time to cut the umbilical cord together with Serena. Raf couldn't believe his luck, that he was now a father to a little beautiful girl. The baby got cleaned up and dressed in the clothes, they had bought for her. They called Marcus to tell, that Charlotte was born. They agreed, that he could tell the children, that they had got a baby sister, but they had to wait until the next day to see her.

The midwife allowed them to go home the next morning. Cam and Elinor met their sister for the first time at home. They both loved their sister, but Elinor was a little disappointed, when she found out, that Charlotte couldn't play with her yet.   
They soon was back to daily life. They family grow bigger and bigger, with new uncles and aunts. Marcus and Helena got twin boys two years after Charlotte was born. Raf began to work at Holby City hospital five years ago. Four years ago he found a new girlfriend Amy and they are now married and they are trying to get pregnant. They are becoming IVF treatment at the moment.

“How lucky can one be? I have my family and my friends.” Bernie feels happy.

Serena is sitting in the armchair again. She's reading, while music is playing from the docking station. Raf enters the room.  
“Serena, do you have time to talk? I need you as a friend.” He asks.  
“Of course. I've missed you as a friend.” She answers.  
“Me too.” He whispers.  
“Hey, what's wrong?” She lays a hand on Rafs arm.  
“Amy is pregnant. And I can't be the father.” He explains.  
“Miracles happens.” Serena says calmly.  
“No.” Raf is nervous.  
“I know, it wasn't the way for you to find out, but I didn't had the heart to tell you back then. You were so looking forward to be a dad.” She continues.  
“But how? I never gave you a chance to explain, when I confronted you. I'm sorry.” He sits down beside Serena and takes her hand. She likes the feeling, being near to her best friend again.  
“Well, we had tried to inseminate two times and I decided to check your spermcount. It was normal, so I decided to examine the sperm cells. It turned out, that they were empty. I was devastated. How was I going to tell you and Bernie about it. The same night Bernie unconsciously gave me an idea.” She explains.  
“What did she do?” He asks.  
“She said, it would all be much easier, if we just could have sex as a heterosexual couple and that way I could get her pregnant, as if I was a man.” She looks at Raf.  
“I harvested some of my own eggs and took my DNA and inserted it into your empty sperm cells. I then performed the IVF in a petri dish. I checked, that everything was alright, before I inserted, Bernies now fertilized egg, back in her womb. And the rest is history.” She stopped.  
“What do you mean? Charlotte is a result of an illegal experiment?” Raf is beginning to be angry.  
“Raf. Please stop. What I've done is done and I won't do it again. I have no records of my research anywhere but home in our safe. Nobody can find out. Please don't be angry at me. You'll always be Charlies father.” She holds his hand tight. “I won't let my best friend leave me again. The last four months has been a horror. I'll tell Bernie, when she wakes up, but I'm so afraid, that she will leave me.”  
“I know, that I've pressured you, but I think it's for the best. I don't believe, that Bernie will leave you. She loves you too much.” Raf whispers.  
“Thank you.” She kisses his temple. “Now, tell me about you and Amy, how do you know, that you can't be the father. Miracles still happens.”   
“I know for more than one reason. I was devastated, when Mr. T told me, that I was shoting blanks. That no matter what, I would never be able to be a biological father. I haven't told Amy. She was so convinced, that the IVF treatment would be our luck. Because of Charlotte. After I've confronted you and you had confirmed, that I'm not Charllottes biological father, I couldn't get my head around it all. I convinced Mr. T. not to tell Amy anything. We continued the treatment and Mr. T was exellent to assure Amy to keep on believing, that miracles happens and eventhough my spermcount were low, we could still get pregnant, if we were very lucky.” He pauses.  
“And?” Serena asks.  
“That evening, we made love. It's 4 month ago. The weeks after that, Amy went to America for two month, to be a guest lecturer in LA. When she came home, she was different. I thought it was because she wasn't pregnant or because I've let Fletch and his children move into our house. Last month she told me, that she is in fact pregnant. I was thrilled. Yesterday we were consulting Mr. T. After Amy had gone home, I talked to him, and asked how far she is. She is 10-12 weeks pregnant. I can't be the father, because she has conceived, while she was in LA.” He stops. Serena caresses his hand.  
“Poor Raf.” She hugs him. “What do you do with Amy?”  
“She has moved home to her mum, after I confronted her, with what Mr. T had told me. That she was only 10-12 weeks pregnant, and I had added 2 and 2 together. She confessed, that she had had an affair for the last six months. She had ended the affair, when she found out, that she was pregnant. She had sex with me the day she came home. It's 7 weeks ago. That way she thought, that she could make me believe, that the baby was mine. I've filed for a divorce today.” He whispers in the end.  
“I'm so sorry.” She says and kisses Raf on the hair. He's crying silently now.  
“I don't love her anymore. I've known that for a while. Her pregnacy and deceive is only a bad excuse for me to get the divorce now. I wanted to break the subject for her, when she came back from LA, but then she was so moody and I didn't had the heart to talk to her about being divorced. Then she told me, that she is pregnant and I was certain, that I couldn't leave the mother of my child. Now I know the truth and can't wait to get rid of her.” He continues.

“Poor Raf. What happend with Fletch and the kids?” Bernie whispers in her head. “Hey, what had Serena told Raf. He isn't Charlies father. Serena is. That's the secret, that she didn't want to talk about with Hanssen. But how? Why hasn't she told her anything?” Bernies begins to get angry and her heartrate rises. The alarm from the heartmonitor sets off. Serena and Raf gets interrupted in their conversation. Nurses and doctors enters the room. Serena and Raf are commanded out of the room.  
Minutes later Jac Naylor comes out from the room and talks to Serena. Raf has gone back to work.  
“Ms. Wolfe is alright. I think she's going to wake up soon. I need to contact ms. MacMillan. I'm sure she can explain this alarm. Nothing is wrong with your wifes heart.” Serena nods and Naylor walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serenas secret is the part from the movie "Finns girl", that inspired me to this fanfic.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it a date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.
> 
> This chapter has a chance of scenery.

Roxanna is walking nervously around in the guest appartment at the hospital. She had changed her clothes at least ten times. She needs a drink, but she wants to have a clear head. A glass of wine won't calm down her nerves. Henrik is going to pick her up in 10 minutes. They are going out for dinner. Roxanna had asked him yesterday, if he would like to eat dinner with her, so they could talk about, what had happened, when she ran away back to Boston. He had hesitated, before he had agreed to eat dinner with her, but only if he could pick the restaurant and if she would allow him to pay. She had accepted. She doesn't care about where they are eating. She know Henrik is a gentleman and he would never let her pay. It's only 8 minutes until he arrives. She really needs to be more calm. She won't let him know, that she is nervous. She uses a couple of minutes to clean up her bedroom. All the clothes she had rejected, was now back in the closet and she had made the bed. 6 minutes left. Her phone rings.  
“Hello.”  
“Hi. Naylor here. We had another alarm from ms. Wolfes heartmonitor. Everything is okay. Her heart is doing fine, but I think she will soon wake up. Something has made her distressed, but I can figure out what.” She explains.  
“Do you want me to check ms. Wolfe?” Roxanna asks.  
“No. It can wait until tomorrow. I just want to let you know. I know you have a date tonight and I wont detroy your evening.” Jac continues.  
“It's not a date. It's only dinner with mr. Hanssen. We're friends.” Roxanna bites her off.  
“Sure.” Jac mutters and hangs up.  
Is this a date? Roxanna wonders. Does Henrik expects this to be a date? She gets even more nervous now. It can't be a date. We're just cleaning the air. She tries to convince herself, but she also knows, that she wishes, that this dinner could be a date. She doesn't get the chance to think this thought to an end, before she hears a knock on her door.

She opens the door. Henrik is standing outside with flowers. He hands them to her.  
“Hi. I hope there is a vase in the appartment for these.” As ever he occurs as the perfect gentleman.  
“Thank you. Please come in. I'll look after a vase in the kitchen.” She answers. Thankfully there is a vase for the flowers. Soon they are off to their dinner.  
Henrik offers her his arm, when they crosses the parking lot. He opens the door for her, before he walks to the drivers side. At the restaurant, he parks the car and turns to her. He lays a hand on her arm. “Wait.” He gets out of the car and walks around the car, opens the door for her and offers her his hand, to help her out of the car. Again he offers his arm to her, when they walk to the restaurant. It's a french restaurant “La petite cuisine” - The small kitchen. They have been there before. It a small romantic restaurant. Every table is very private. The lighting is dimmed. The waiters are very discrete. You hardly feel they are there. Roxanna is surprised. She hadn't expected him to pcik this restaurant. Oh! It's a date. He think this is a date. Roxanna begins to panic. She need to let him know, that she doesn't want this to be a date. They have to clean the air between them first. 

Henrik feels Roxannas hesitation. He stops and turns to her.  
“What's wrong Rox?” He asks and looks at her. He had called her by her nickname.  
“Nothing.” She whispers.  
“I don't believe you. I know you. Something is wrong.” He says calmly.  
“I..I..We..we need to talk.” She stutters. He takes her hands in his.  
“I know.” He now looks her in her eyes.  
“I'm sorry, that I ran aw...” She begins, before Henrik kisses her very soft on the lips. She doesn't know what to do.  
“I don't care. I can't wait anymore. I need you to know, that I love you. I've loved you since we first met. I hope you'll give me a chance.” He says with love in his voice. Roxanna hears what he says, but she doesn't know, how to react. She had hoped to hear these words from Henrik for so long and now she was standing here totally rooted, with her hands in his. She feels Henrik begin to retract. She doesn't want him to let go of her hands. She then does the only thing, she can think of doing, so he will keep on holding her hands. She kisses him back. He lets go of her hands anyway, but only to let his hands snake around her back to pull her closer, while he kisses her back. It begins soft, but soon they kiss deeper and more hungry. His tounge asks for permission to enter her mouth. She accepts. They only stop kissing, because they both need to breathe. Roxanna is leaning her forehead at Henriks.

“I love you too.” She whispers. Henrik is about to kiss her again, but she lays her index finger on his lips. “I need to tell you something first.” She continues. Henriks nods and kisses her finger.  
“I wanted to come back to Holby, before I even was back in Boston, but I was a coward. I didn't had the courage to accept that I had, no have, feelings for you. I felt it was too soon after Davids death. When you called, I didn't knew what to tell you, so it was easier if I didn't answered your calls. When I was ready to talk, you had stopped calling me. I missed you terribly. Not only our friendship, but..” She stops. Henrik caresses her cheek and she leans into his hand.  
“It's okay. I was a coward too. I attacked you with my feelings” He says softly.  
“No. I knew you have had feelings for me for a long time. I think, that was the reason, that I ran away. You had never acted on your feelings. It was so safe, knowing that you loved me, but being my friend, was more important for you. Suddenly you acted on it and expected something back from me. I couldn't handle it. I had never thought, that you would tell me, therefore I hadn't prepared an answer. I have loved you for a long time too. At first as a friend and then like a brother. Before I met David, I even was a little in love with you. You were always the perfect gentleman and then I met David and you accepted, that we were in love and gave up fighting for me. Back then I hoped, that me being with David would provoke you to reveal your feelings for me. David and I got married and I was very happy. I loved David until his death. I still love him, but he is now in a special place in my heart. Just as you always has been, while I was married. Now it's time for me to let myself be happy again. The last year has been horrible....” She doesn't get a chance to finish her speech. Henrik kisses her again.  
“It's okay, Darling. Let's forget the past and look forward into a future together instead. We have both acted cowardly. We can't change that. I feel so fortunate, that we finally have the courage to act on over feelings. It has taken a long time and I have many regrets, but I won't think about that anymore. We now have each other – if you still want me?” He says smoothly.  
“Yes.” Roxanna whispers and kisses him softly. “Let's get into the restaurant. I'm getting cold out here. And I'm hungry.” She giggles. Henriks pecks her lips one more time and offers her his hand.  
“You might need to go to the powderroom to redo your make up, when we get in. I'll get our table.” He smirks. That's what they do.

When Roxanna comes back from the loo, she finds Henrik in a dimly lighted corner of the restaurant. He stands up and holds the chair for her. She kisses his cheek before she sits down.  
“Thank you.” She says shyly. When Henrik sits down, she takes his hand. They end up having a lovely first date. They can't stop touching each other and they keep on looking deep into each others eyes. More than once Roxanna blushes, because Henrik looks at her with so much love and want in his eyes. It's almost midnight, when they leave the restaurant.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments

Serena is crossing the corridor late in the evening. What is that? Or should she ask, who is that? Someone is standing very close in the other end of the corridor. It's dark where they are standing. Serena is curious to find out, who is kissing in a corridor of the hospital. It's a tall figure and a shorter one. They unexpectedly move a little into the light. It was the last two, she would had expected to be a couple. Serena hurries back in Bernies room. She crawls back in the bed and under the duvet. She snuggles into Bernie. Kisses her temple and falls asleep. Knowing that two of her friends finally had found love. Unexpected but she greets their happiness welcome.

The next morning Serena wakes up, when Essie comes in to do Bernies obs. After she had begun to sleep in Bernies bed, she sleeps well again. She crawls out of the bed and goes back to her office to change clothes. From the office, she observes Henrik walking by with a slight spring in his step. She wonders what happened last night, at his dinner date with Roxanna. When she comes back to Bernies room, Roxanna' s already there.  
“Good morning Serena. Slept well?” She asks. She looks at Serena, Serena think she sees stars in Roxannas eyes.  
“Fine. Thank you. How was your date yesterday?” Roxanna looks at her feet and then back at Serena.  
“I believe it was a success.” She smiles and blushes.  
“Oh. You two have finally cleaned the air – I suppose?” Serena says with a lifted eyebrow.  
“Yeah. You can say that.” Roxanna blushed even more. Serena doesn't want Roxanna to feel embarrassed, so she turns to Bernie.  
“Is she improving? Is she ever going to wake up?  
“We, Jason and I, see improvement everyday. It looks like, she's more and more aware of, what happens around her. She reacts more and more on you and your children. She even reacts on your friends, when they visits.” Roxanna is happy, that Serena wasn't going on with the interrogation about her date. Eventhough it was one of her happiest evenings in her life. For now, she doesn't want to share it with others than Henrik. She thinks back on last night.

Henrik drove her back to the hospital, but she didn't wanted the evening to end yet. He opened the door for her and helped her out of the car. She was about to kiss him.  
“Not here.” He said. He offered her his arm. Henrik, the perfect gentleman was of course following her back to her appartment on the guest floor. On the way up, they saw a couple kissing in the corridor. It was Raf and Fletch.  
“It looks like, we are not the only one to be in love.” Henrik smirked.   
When they stand in front of the door to the appartment, Henrik kissed her on the cheek.  
“Stay” Roxanna whispered.   
Inside the appartment they kissed again. Henrik backed Roxanna up against the door and she lets a moan slip. She had never thought, that Henrik would be so forward. He kissed her neck, then sucked her earlobe. He began to unbutton her jacket. It soon lay on the floor. He unzipped her dress and it fell to the floor too. She felt Henriks hands all over her body. He then kissed her, where his hand just had been. She began to unbutton his jacket, then his shirt. She needed to feel his skin. She let her hand crawl under his shirt. She kissed his chest. Looked up at his eyes.  
“I think we need to take this to the bedroom.” She said hesitantly, biting her lip. Henrik bend down and lifted her. They had made love for hours as if they had to show each other, how much they had missed over the years. They fell asleep tangled together. Early in the morning Henrik had woken her up with coffee and toast.  
“I need to go home and change my clothes. If I wear the same clothes as yesterday the grapewine will soon spread the news all over the hospital.” He smiled at her. Kissed her soft on the lips and went home.

“Someone is far away.” She hears Serena. She looks up and sees Serena with a gleam in her eye.  
“Sorry.” Roxanna apologizes.  
“Good morning auntie Serena and Roxanna.” Jason enters the room. He walks to Bernies bed and pats her hand. “Good morning, auntie Bernie.” He turns to Roxanna. “We got an e-mail from auntie Alex. It's a sound file. She writes, that I'm not allowed to listen to it. It's only for her and auntie Bernie. Military confidentiality.” He says with pride.  
“Thank you, Jason. Let's get back to the office. We have work to do.” She answers. “I need to call Alex too.”  
When they're back in the office Roxanna calls Alex.  
“Hello Alex. It's Roxanna. I need to ask you, if it's okay, that I stay in the room, when Bernie hears the recording you've sent us?”  
“I don't know.” Alex answers.  
“It's because, I'm a little concerned. I think, that your recording can be the last piece we need, before Bernie wakes up. I don't want her to be alone, if she wakes up, while she listens to your memories from the IED.” She explains  
“I understand. Okay. Please sit with her. It was very hard for me to record, so I think hearing it will be hard for B too.” She says hesitantly.  
“Thank you, Alex. I'll let you know how it goes. Good bye”  
“Thanks. Good bye Roxanna.”  
The rest of the morning Roxanna and Jason prepares for Bernie to listen to Alex' memories about the IED.

Around lunchtime Henriks follows Serena into the peace garden. The sun is shining and they have decided to eat their lunch outside. Jason stays in Pulses. He doesn't find it hygienically enough to eat outside. Serena really wants to be near Bernie, but she had promised Alex not to listen to the recording, before Bernie would allow her to listen to it. The best for her, was to be so far away from the ward, but still near Bernie. Roxanna had promised to call her, if something happens with Bernie.  
“How was you date with Roxanna?” She asks.  
“It couldn't have gone better.” He smiles big.  
“I'm happy for you two. Do you know, what I saw yesterday night?” Serena asks excided.  
“I think, I do. They're a great couple.” Henrik smirks.  
“I didn't know, that Fletch liked men too.” She wonders  
“I don't think, Fletch did either.” He smiles. “I've observed the signs for a while.”  
“I've been so blind, but I think it was because of my own problems.” She answers.  
“Your secret?” Hanssen inquires.  
“Yes.” She whispers.  
“I'm still not allowed to hear about it?” He questions.  
“I don't know. No. Yes. Okay.” Serena mumbles  
“What do you mean.” Henrik lays his hand on her arm.  
“Raf isn't Charlottes father.” Serena whispers.  
“What?” Henrik can't believe, what he hears. “How? Why? I don't understand.”  
“Let's go back to my office, before I'll tell you more.” Serena suggests.  
When they finally sits down in her office, she tells him the whole story.   
“Now I understand. I hope, that everything is going to be alright with you and Bernie.” He says, when Serena has finished.  
“But..?” Serena continues.  
“I don't want anyone else to find out about this illegal experiment. Holby can't afford a scandal.” He looks strictly at her. Senera nods.  
“I promise. I only have the paperwork at home in our safe.” She explains. He nods his approval


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie finally hears about the IED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Roxanna sits in a corner of Bernies room. She had decided to give Bernie headphones on. She knows, how important it is for Alex to know, that Bernie is the only one, who hears her recording. It was Jasons idea with the headphones. He uses his ipod, when he needs to shut out the world. He has special noise canceling headphones and has accepted that his auntie Bernie could borrow them today.

Bernie hears Alex' voice loud and clear. It's almost as if, she talks directly into her ears. The other memories, she had heard earlier, was a little further away. Alex tells her about their time in the army. How they met each other. How they became friends. How their tours abroad had been. How they had supported each other. How they had laughed and cried. How she enjoys to be an aunt for Cameron, Elinor and Charlotte. Bernie feels her own anxiety rise, when she realizes, that Alex is going to tell her about the IED.

Roxanna observes that Bernies heartrate rises.

It had been a sunny day and they had been in a town near the camp, to help the local doctors to vaccinate children. They were on their way home to the camp. It had been a lovely day and they were in good spirits. They had joked and laughed in the vehicle. Suddenly someone yelled “Watch out”. It was too late and the vehicle hit a roadside bomb and landed upside down in a poppy field. Alex only got a few scratches. She pulled Bernie out of the vehicle and far enough away, so they didn't get more hurt, when the vehicle exploded. Alex had stabilised Bernie enough to be flown back home to England.

Roxanna observes, that Bernie is in distress. She rises from her chair and wents to the bed. She lays a hand on Bernies hand to calm her down. It helps a little, but she can see in Bernies face, that she struggles. Roxanna pulls the headphone off Bernies head. She listen shortly and finds out, that Alex' story has ended.

“No, no, no. I don't want to die. I need to get home to my children. I need Serena. My wife. I don't want to die. I was going to come home for good. This is my last tour. I don't want it to end this way. I don't want to die. Help me. Help me.” Bernie remembers how afraid she was, before she was flown back to Holby. Then she had seen Serena. They were both afraid. Then she had seen Charlie. She isn't old enough to see her mummy in hospital. She had yelled at Serena and suddenly she was on her way into surgery. Now she was in this limbo. She still haven't found out, how to get away from this. How to wake up and finally be with her family. She retracts to her own world again. She need to get away from her memories from the IED. She can't cope with this right now.  
Roxanna observes that Bernie is more relaxed now. She calls Serena.  
“Hello Serena. You can come back now. Bernie has heard about the IED.” She informs.  
“How did it go?” She asks.  
“Where are you now?”  
“In my office”  
“Stay. I'll be there in 2 minutes.” And she's gone.

Roxanna enters Serenas office and sits down on the couch. Serena looks at her with inquiry.  
“It went well. She reacted on Alex' voice. I don't know, what Alex said on the recording. I gave Bernie headphones for this recording. Jason lent me his headphones. The privacy was very important for Alex and I didn't want to cross the line.” She explains.  
“And...?” Serena try.  
“Some of the recordings, must have been devastating for her to hear. Her heartrate increased a couple of times. At the end she was very upset. I moved the headphones and held her hand and she relaxed again. I need some time to analyze the outputs from the brainmonitor, before I can tell you if it was a success.” She continues.  
“Thank you. Can I go back to Bernie?” Serena asks.   
“I think it'll be a good idea. I'm sure it will make her calm down, as soon as she feels your presence.” Roxanna nods.

The afternoon is running as the last couple of days. Friends and the children visits Bernie. Everyone take their turn to sit alone with Bernie and talk to her. The girls crawl up in the bed to Bernie. Today Elinor is the first. She tells her mummy about her day. She tells her about the new boy in her class. When it's Charlottes turn, she snuggles into her mummy. She tells her about her day too and then how much she loves and misses her mummy. As usual, she falls asleep. Serena wakes her up, when Marcus arrives to pick up the children. They're going to have supper at Marcus' house today. It's his birthday and the children is invited to eat supper tonight.  
“Happy birthday, Marcus.” Serena greets him.  
“Thank you. You're welcome too.” He answers.  
“Thank you, but I'll stay here.” She smiles. “Have a great evening.”  
The children hugs their mum and go home with Marcus.

Serena has send Raf a text. She want to talk with him. She doesn't think, they had finished their talk about his marriage and Charlotte. They meet in her office.  
“I have the feeling, that you were about to tell me something more, when the alarm went off, when we talked the other day.” Serena begins.  
“Yes. I told you about the divorce from Amy. I also said, that I've thought about it for a long time, because I don't love her anymore.” Raf says.  
“You love someone else.”Serena suggests. Raf went silent for a minute. He looks at his feet.  
“Who have told you that?” He asks.  
“I saw you in the corridor the other night.” She explains.  
“Oh!” Raf exclaims. “I...I...We...eh”  
“You don't have to explain. I'm happy, that you two have found each other. Does Amy know?” she continues.  
“Yes. I told her the day, that I gave her the divorce papers. That...that...I... had fallen in love. That I don't love her anymore. She knows, that I'm in love with Fletch. She guessed it herself. She asked me if the person I had fallen in love with is Fletch and I confirmed her suspicion. Until you saw us, I hadn't acted on it. Fletch is straight. What you saw yesterday was our first kiss. He kissed me. I had just told him, that I had handed Amy the divorce papers.” Raf tells her with sparkles in his eyes. Serena lays a hand on his arm and squeezes.  
“I'm so happy, that we can talk normally to each other again. I've really missed my best friend. I hope we're still friends.” She looks at Raf. He nods.  
“Of course. I've missed my best friend too. This was a bump on the way. We're now back to the good old times.” He hugs Serena tight.  
“Raf. I meant, what I said. You will always be Charlies dad. I used your sperm cell after all. Nobody needs to know, that the DNA inside of it, was mine.” She whispers into his neck. Raf hugs her tighter.  
“Thank you. We're the only one to know and Bernie, when you have told her about it.” He says.  
“I've told Hanssen.” Serena confesses.  
“Alright. Is it okay if I tell it to Fletch? He knows something was wrong between you and me. He asks me daily about it.” Raf asks. Serena speculates a while.  
“I don't know. Can it wait until I've talked to Bernie?” Raf looks at her with puppy eyes. “Alright you can tell him, but he has to promise not to say a word to anyone. Okay?” Serena can't deny him anything, when he looks at her that way.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are getting closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Roxanna has invited Serena to eat supper with her and Henrik in her appartment on the guest floor. Serena had accepted gladly. She was slowly getting tired of the hospital food and the sandwishes from Pulses. She really needs a homemade meal, that is made with love. Roxanna had cooked a delicious supper. They enjoyed the food, while they talked about the results from today output from Bernies brainmonitor.  
“I'm very delighted about the results. She reacted really good today.” Roxanna exclaims.  
“That sounds good, Rox.” Henrik says.  
“Yes, but Jason might be right. The headphones has blocked out all other sounds. She heard the recording more clear, than when we plays the recordings for her on the docking station.” She continues.  
“Okay?” Serena answers.  
“We'll try to play some of the other recording for her on the headphones tomorrow.” Roxanna explains.  
After the supper, they drink an extra glass of wine, but Serena soon feels like a third wheel. She thinks that they both look so cute, when in love. She wants to give them some privacy.  
“I think, I'll go back to Bernie now.” She apologizes. “Thank you Roxanna for the delicious supper.”  
Back in Bernies room, she sees how late it is. She changes her clothes and crawls up in the bed. She cuddles into Bernies body, just as she does every night. She soon falls asleep.

Serena wakes up in the middle of the night. Something is different. She realizes fast, that nothing is wrong. Instead something good had happened. She wasn't holding Bernies hand, but her wife was holding Serenas hand in hers. She smiles and notes, that she has to tell this to Roxanna in the morning. She tries to fall asleep again, when Bernie begins to stir in her sleep. Serena almost jumps out of the bed, when Bernie opens her eyes and looks at her for ten seconds, before her eyes closes again.  
“Bernie, you're awake.” She whispers. Then she tries a little louder, while she caresses Bernies cheek. She gets no reaction from Bernie. She jumps out of the bed and finds her phone. She looks at the display. It's almost 3 am. She wonders if she can call Roxanna at this time of the night. In the end she decides to call her.  
“Hello”. A sleepy voice answers.  
“Hello, Roxanna. It's Serena. I don't know who else to call, but minutes ago I woke up and Bernie was holding my hand. I tried to go back to sleep, when she suddenly turned her head and looked at me for about ten seconds, before she closed her eyes again. I tried to wake her up, but she keeps on sleeping.” Serena explains rapidly.  
“Okay. I'll be down in 5 minutes.” Is the only answer she gets before Roxanna hangs up.  
She puts on her dressing gown and waits for Roxanna to arrive.

Roxanna enters the room minutes later. Serena is standing next to Bernies bed. Her fingers are fidgeting with her pendant. A few meters behind Roxanna, she sees Henrik arriving to the ward too. Roxanna examines Bernie. She tries to stimulate Bernie to wake up by poking her with a needle. She flashes her eyes with a penlight. Nothing happens. Bernie is still in a coma. Finally she turns to Serena.  
“Serena, I'm sorry. What happend is normal. It looks like, she has woken up, but it's only a refleks. It's positive though. I've seen this before. She's on her way to wake up, but it can still take some time.” She explains.  
“I'm sorry, that I disturbed you two.” She nods in the direction, where Henrik is standing.  
“Don't be sorry. You didn't disturbed anything. We were sleeping. I didn't know, that he followed me down here. I was to much in a hurry. I was curious to find out, what had happened with Bernie. We are on the right way for her recovery. I'm glad that you called me. Let's all go back to sleep again.” She touches Serenas arm. Turns around and exits the room. She walks to Henrik. Whispers something to him and they walk away. Serena slowly climbs back in bed. She kisses Bernie soft on the lips and cuddle into her chest. She was afraid, that she wouldn't get anymore sleep that night, but it only take minutes before she's asleep.

The next morning Serena wakes up early. She's not sure about, what happened in the middle of the night. Bernie had opened her eyes. What does that mean? Is Bernie on her way out of the coma? What had Roxanna told her? She has so many questions and can't wait until Roxanna is here again. She kisses Bernies temple and get out of the bed. She walks to her office and changes her clothes.  
When she comes back to Bernies room, with a coffee in her hand, Roxanna is already there.  
“I've been sitting up, most of the night - analysing. I first saw the connection this morning. Jason pointed it out for me.” Roxanna begins.  
“What...What do you mean?” Serena asks.  
“It has nothing to do with the stories. I mean – we don't have a missing piece or we don't need one. Alex' memory isn't the missing piece.”  
“Why? How? I don't understand.” Serena interrupts.  
“Please, listen to me. It's not the memories. Jason pointed out, that Bernie reacts more now, after we have given her the headphones, when she listen to the memories.” She continues.  
“We have done all this for nothing?” Serena is disappointed.  
“No, no, no. It has helped her. But you need to understand, that every patient is different. Some cases are a like, but they need different approaches. Now we have finally found out, how to reach Bernie.” She explains.  
“Hey, wait a minute? Did you sat up the rest of the night after I called you? What about Henrik?” Serena asks surprised.  
“Yeah. About that. He went home. Don't worry. He knows how I am, when I have an unsolved problem. I'm not 100% present. I'll brood over the problem. He knows me better, than anyone else. He suggested it. Me going to the lab.” Roxanna blushes.  
“You are really lucky to have Henrik. You two are a such a cute couple.” Serena declares.  
“Yes.” Roxanna sighs. “I'm only sorry, that it took me so long to reveal my feelings to him.” She looks down on her feet.  
“Don't be. You can't change that. Live in the moment.” Serena answers.  
“Thank you. I love him so much.”  
“And he loves you.”

“I'm here. I want to be with you all. I want to find the exit from this odd world. I want to come back to your world.” Bernie repeats again and again in her head.

The next days look a like. Examinations of Bernie. Physiotherapy. Playing memories for her. The children and friends visiting. Serena sleeping in the bed at night. Bernie begins to move her limbs more and more. The mystery is, why she doesn't wake up. There are no more incidents with Bernie opening her eyes.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

“Mum?” Elinor is standing in the doorway to Serenas office.  
“Ellie.” Serena turns to her daughter.  
“We need to talk about Granny.” She bursts out.  
“Why? Isn't everything okay at home?” Serena asks with concern.  
“No. I think Granny gets streessed looking after us kids beside working. I think, she misses her sparetime too.” Elinor explains.  
“What made you think that?” Serena questions.  
“I heard her talking to a friend on the phone two nights ago. She said, that she doesn't understand, why you're still living in the hospital. Mummy doesn't need you here all the time. She's only in a coma now. There's no reason to fear, that she's going to die anymore. Granny doesn't understand any of this. The memories, the music and the need for mummy to feel us. She think it's all bogus. She has begun to yell at us too. We need to find someone else, who can live with us and look after us until you can come home again.” She continues.  
“Oh. I didn't know that. She never talks long enough with me to give me any reason to think, that something is wrong. She has only time enough to tell me, that me and mummy haven't raised you the right way or when one of you haven't done, what she wanted you to do.” She says surprised.  
“I know. I think she sees it as a duty to help her family. But mum, she isn't happy and ….”She stops with tears in her eyes. Serena rises from her chair and pull Elinor into a hug.  
“Will found a solution.” Serena whispers into Elinors hair.  
“I already have some ideas.” Elinor says.  
“Okay. Tell me.” Serena says, while she leads Elinor to the couch in the office. They sit down. Serena lays an arm around Elinors back.  
“First I thought, we could live with uncle Raf, but Fletch and his kids are living there now, and we would be to many in the house. Then I thought it could be an idea, to let uncle Henrik live with us, but he's so used to live alone. “ She says hesitantly.  
“I have an idea, but I need to talk to Alan first and then I have to talk to auntie Alex too.” Serena explains.  
“Okay. Let me know, when you have talked to them. I'm going to meet Cam in Pulses. Charlie is with mummy.” She informs.

After Elinor is gone, she calls Alan.  
“Hello Alan. I need a favour. Do you think you can look after Jason and the kids on the days, when Jason normally lives with us? My mother needs to get home to herself again.”  
“Hi Serena. I don't know. Normally I use the days, when Jason isn't with me to do other things. What about I look after the children and Jason from tuesday to friday instead?” Alan asks.  
“It's fine. I need to find someone to look after the children the other days. I'll call you back, when I've figured something out.” Serena says.  
“It's okay.” Alan hangs up.  
Serena then calls Alex.  
“Hi Alex. I need your help.” Serena greets.  
“Hi Serena. Somethings wrong with B?” She greets back.  
“No. I need someone to look after the kids. My mother needs to go home to herself for a while. Alan can be there from tuesday to friday. Is it possible for you to be there from friday to tuesday? They don't need much.” She continues.  
“Sure. Matter of fact, it could help me too. I need a place to stay. My appartment is getting renovated. They'll begin tomorrow. I was going to ask you if I could use your guestroom, but then I remembered, that Adrienne lives with you at the moment.” Alex explains.  
“Oh goodie. Of course you can live in the guestroom. I'll talk to my mother. Do you still want Alan to come around to help?” She asks.  
“No need for that. I know how to handle Jason and I expect he's at work most of the time. If I need help from Alan I'm sure I can always call him. Is Jason still living with you from sunday to tuesday or is he living fulltime with you already?” She says lightly.  
“Jason lives with us 3 days a week. Just as before you and Bernie wet on tour. The kids are going to be excided, when I tell them, that you're going to live with them. Thank you Alex.” Serena hangs up. She calls back and tells Alan about the plan. Then she calls Adrienne.  
“Mckinney.”   
“Hi, mum. We need to talk.” Serena begins.  
“Are you finally coming home at night to your children?” Ariennes says harsh.  
“No, but I've found someone else to look after the children.” Serena explains.  
“Am I not good enough anymore?” She says with a hard voice.  
“Of course, but Ellie tells me, that she thinks you need some time alone. Some time in your own house. And Alex needs a place to live, because her appartment is getting renovated. She doesn't mind to look after the children.” Serena assures her.  
“Okay. When is ms. Dawson arriving. I want to change the dressings in the guestroom, before I go home to myself.” She grumbles.  
“She'll arrive tomorrow. I really appriciate your help mum, but you have your job too. Alex is on leave.” She continues.  
“Alright. I know, when I'm welcome and when I'm not.” Adrienne answers angry. Serena tries to tell her mum, that she's always welcome. She's just concerned about, if Adrienne can cope looking after the children and work at the same time. Adrienne doesn't want to hear anymore and she hangs up.  
“That went well.” Serena mutters to herself.

Serena walks back to Bernies room. Charlotte is still in Bernies bed, telling her mummy about her day. She looks out on the ward and sees Elinor and Cameron coming back from Pulses. She walks to the bed and lays a hand on the back of Charlotte.  
“Darling, I need you to crawl out of the bed. I need to talk to all three of you.” She says softly. Charlotte is soon out of the bed and all three children is looking at their mum.  
“Okay. Listen. Granny is going home tomorrow. You're not going be alone. Auntie Alex will live with you. Her appartment is getting renovated and she needs a place to stay and Granny needs some time off from you. She isn't that young anymore and she still needs to go to work. Do you understand?” They all nod. None of them tells her, how terrible the last weeks with Arienne has been. They love their Granny, but living with her, was too much. She's so strict and always complaining about, how their mothers have failed in raising them. Telling them, that they need a father. Even when they tries to explain to her, that they have fathers, she complains. Her opinion is, that the father has to live with his children and their mother. She makes them aware of, that it's not normal for two women to have children together and be married. A marriage is sacred and only for man and wife – not wife and wife. They have learned to live with her critic, but hearing it everyday for weeks, they don't approve. They love their family with their mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts – even Granny, but only for a couple of day at a time.

Adrienne loves her daughter and her family, but she can't understand, why her daughter have choosen to live with a woman. She likes Bernie, but she would rather see her daughter married to a man. Children need a father in the house. She knows, that Serena will never understand that. The children are raised to free too. They are allowed to be a part of too many decisions. They need to be raised with a firmer hand. She won't blame Bernie. She lost her parents, when she was too young to learn from her mother, how to raise a child. Serena has never appreciated Adriennes advices about child care. That girl has always been so stubborn. She's happy, that she can get home to herself again, but she won't let Serena know. Adrienne wants her to feel guilty about throwing her out, eventhough she had thanked her for the help.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Alex don't want to arrive at the house early in the morning. She has no intensions on meeting Adrienne. Serena had told her yesterday, how bad she had taken the news, about Alex taking over looking after the children. She drives to the hospital instead. She wants to talk to Serena and she feels the need to sit with Bernie. She has finally made up her mind. She needs to see someone. She need to talk to a professional about her nightmares. She needs to get back to the army. And the only way is through therapy. Serena isn't in Bernies room, so she walks to her office and knocks, before she opens the door. Serena is sitting on the couch, with her head in her hands. Alex sits down next to her and lays an arm around her shoulders.  
“Serena? What has happened? Something wrong with B?” She asks concerned.  
“Hi Alex. No nothing wrong with Bernie. It's my mother. She just had to come here, to tell me how bad a parent I am, before she went home to herself.” She looks tired at Alex and sighs.  
“Alright. We all know how she is. You and B are great parents. The kids know that too. Don't worry about, what your mum says.” She strokes Serenas back to comfort her.  
“I know, but it hurts everytime. She knows exactly how to hurt me the most. Bernie keeps telling me, not to take notice of what she says, when she criticize me.” She whispers. “Why are you here by the way?” Serena continues.  
“I have three reasons. To be honest. First of all, I didn't want to meet Adrienne at your house. Secondly, I want to sit a little with B. I need to talk to her. Finally - I need your help.” She looks down on her feet.  
“Okay. With what?” Serena asks curiously.  
“Well, you told me about, when you had your depression. I think I need a professional to talk to, about my nightmares. I don't sleep much. Not when I'm alone. I'm afraid of the nightmares. I feel like I haven't slept since the day I slept in the on-call room. I'm a mess, Serena.” Alex hides her face in her hands. Now it's Serenas turn to comfort Alex. Alex begins to shake. She sobs.  
“Shush, shush. Let it all out. I have you.” Serena whispers, while she rocks back and forth to calm Alex down.

Half an hour later, Alex is sitting in the armchair next to Bernies bed. She's holding Bernies hand in her own. She moves both hands to her cheek. She begins to talk to Bernie, while she cries silently.  
“B. I miss you. I need your support. I'm a mess. I can't sleep. I keep on dreaming about the IED and the horrors we have seen together. You're the only one who understands, what I'm going through.” She pleads. She stays silent. Caressing her own cheek with Bernies hand. Suddenly she feels how Bernie is moving her thumb. She's so surprised, that she lets go of the hand. She runs out of the room and down to Serenas office. Without knocking, she enters the office.  
“Serena! Bernie moved her thumb. I...I..” Serena stops her.  
“Come here. Sit down and tell me from the beginning.”  
“Okay. I held her hand to my cheek and I was crying. Suddenly I felt her thumb moving. I...Is she waking up? Have she moved before?” She turns to Serena.  
“Sorry. It's my fault. I haven't told you, that she has begun to move her limps from time to time. Roxanna doesn't think Bernie is aware of what she's doing.” Serena answers.  
“But...but...but...I...I...think she know, what she was doing - just now. It felt like she was trying to comfort me.” Alex whispers.  
“Okay. I think we need to call Roxanna.” Serena concludes.

Roxanna enters the room shortly after Serena has called her. She makes Alex to repeat for her, what happened. She listens with interest.  
“Hmm. It sounds like you're right Alex. I too believe, that Bernie was trying to calm you down. That she moved her thumb, in that exactly way, indicates that she know, what she's doing.” Roxanna ponders.  
“Of course I did. I don't like, when someone is crying. Alex needed me. She said it herself. I used all my energy to make her understand, that I'm there for her. That I've heard her. I really want to help her, but I can't.” Bernie explains in her head.  
“”I'm sure, that it wont take long before Bernie wakes up. There has been so many signs the last couple of days.” Roxanna says calmly.  
“I can't believe, what I'm hearing. Am I really going to wake up soon.” Bernie is relieved.  
“Are you sure?” Serena asks.  
“Yes. As sure as I can be. I can never be 100% sure, but the signs are there.” Roxanna answers.  
She examines Bernie again and books a CT scan for her in the afternoon. The CT scan confirms, what she already know. Bernie is on her way to wake up. She's aware of, what happens around her and she tries to communicate in her own way. She goes back to her lab, when Bernie is back in her room. Jason is in the lab too. She already appriciate his company. He's such an intelligent young man and he fully understands, how she likes to work.   
“Hi Roxanna. How was the CT scan. Is auntie Bernie going to wake up soon?” He greets her, when she enters the lab.  
“Hi Jason. Yes I believe so, but I still can't say how and when.” She answers.  
They begin to work in silence. Each analyzing results. Roxanna the CT scans and Jason is analyzing Bernies brainactivity output. 

Late in the evening Roxanna feels a soft kiss on her hair. It's Henrik. Jason has gone home with Alex hours ago.   
“Darling, you need to eat. It's 10pm already. I'm going to abduct you now. I'm taking you home with me. You need a break. I know you want to heal Bernie, but you can't do that if you're to tired anyway.” He sneaks his arms around her from behind and kisses her neck.  
“What? I was miles away. Sorry. What did you say?” She turns around in his arms and looks apologetically into his eyes, before she kisses him softly on the mouth. He answers by kissing her back and deepening the kiss. He stops kissing her and caresses her cheek with the back of his hand.  
“I said, that I'm going to abduct you now.” He kisses her nose and her forehead. He takes her hand and leads her out of the lab. They are in the corridor before Roxanna begins to protest.  
“Sorry Henrik. I can't go with you now. I think, that I'm standing in front of a breakthrough right now.”  
“Darling it can wait until tomorrow. I don't think, you will find the answer tonight, when you're hungry and tired.” Henrik answers.  
“I'm not hu...”Roxannas stomach rumbles. Henrik smiles at her.  
“That's settled then.” He smirks. If Roxanna has to be honest, she has to admit, that she feels pretty tired too. How does he know her so well? She squeezes his hand and nods.   
When they arrive at Henriks house, he has already cooked their dinner. He only has to heat it a bit. They eat and Roxanna feels how tired she is. She hadn't realized, that it was so late, when Henrik had picked her up. She yawns. Henrik looks at her, with so much love in his eyes.  
“Let's go to bed. You need your sleep.” He whispers. He has already cleaned the kitchen after their dinner. He takes Roxannas hand again and leads her into the bedroom. The last couple of days, she had slowly moved most of the content from her suitcase to Henriks house. She gets into the bathroom and changes into her pajamas, before she brushes her teeth and gets under the duvet. She's almost asleep, when Henrik joins her. He spoons her from behind, lays his hand on her stomach and kisses her on the temple, before he whispers: “Goodnight my love”.  
“Goodnight.” She whispers back.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Bernie is aware, that something is different. She's awake. She has been multiple time, but it was in the coma, and she couldn't open her eyes. Now she can open her eyes. She sees the room for the first time, after she arrived to the hospital. It's in the middle of the night and the lighting in the room is low. She looks up and sees the fairylights and smiles. She touches her head, with her left hand. She feels the hat, Roxanna had given her. It's the one, that helps them monitor her brainactivity. She feels the diodes on her chest. She looks down and sees the top of the scar that bisect her chest. She lift the top of her hospitalgown to look, how big the scar is. She can't assess how long it is, because of the bad lighting and because Serena is sleeping cuddled into her right side. She turns her body a little, so she can admire Serena sleep. She wants to touch her, but she's afraid to wake her up. She doesn't know, if Serena is going to be spooked, if she wakes her up. Bernie doesn't want to go back to sleep. She had slept enough for now and she's afraid of ending up in a coma again. She want to tell the world, that she's finally woken up. She tries to look out of the window to find out if the sun is rising. It's dark outside. She sighs. She conciders for long, if she should wake Serena up, talk to the nurse, when she's doing her night round or wait until the morning to make people aware, that she's awake. She decides to wake Serena up. It would be a bigger shock for her, if Bernie talks to the nurse or waits until the morning. She strokes Serenas cheek softly. Then kisses her temple. Serena stirs in her sleep.  
“Darling, wake up.” Bernies voice is raw. She keeps caressing her cheek. Serena stirs again. Suddenly her eyes fly open. She looks at Bernie with wide open brown eyes.  
“You....you...you.” She stutters.  
“Yes. I'm awake.” Bernie answers. Serena can't believe that Bernie is talking to her. She jumps out of the bed, run to the other side of the room. She pinches herself on the arm. She rubs her eyes and shakes her head. Bernie is trying to sit up, but she's too weak. Serena walks back to the bed. She lays a hand on Bernies shoulder to let her know, it's okay for her to stay, where she is.  
“How? When? You're awake.” Serena says while happy tears are running down her cheeks. She bends forward and kisses Bernie softly on the mouth.  
“I don't know for how long. I've been pondering for a long time, before I decided to wake you up.” She answers.  
“We need to tell someone.” Serena exclaims.  
“Wait.” Bernie whispers. “Come here. I need a hug.” Serena gives her wife a hug. They kiss again. This time it's a little deeper, but Serena doesn't want to go to far. Bernie is still fragile. She thinks. She pulls back.  
“I love you so much and I've missed you. You promised to come back without injuries.” She says still with tears in her eyes.  
“Sorry.” Bernie whispers and looks away. Serena make her look at her again.  
“We need to tell someone now. Okay?” Bernie gives her a comfirming nod.

Serena calls the night nurse into the room. Suddenly the room is full of doctors, nurses and finally Roxanna and Henrik arrives. Bernie is now sitting up in the bed. The nurse had removed the feeding tube. Roxanna had removed the hat. Bernies hair is flat. It's not the unruly mess, that it usually is. Serena stands in a corner with Henrik, while Roxanna examines Bernie.  
“Okay, Bernie. It's the middle of the night, so I'll wait with the rest of my examination. I need to do an extended interview with you too. I'll tell you more later.” Roxanna explains. Bernie nods.  
“Do you have any questions?” She continues.  
“No, but I'm hungry and I would like a strong coffee too.” Bernie smirks.  
“Sorry, I can't recommend you to drink coffee yet. Your stomach and your digestion needs to get used to normal food slowly.” Roxanna says. Bernie pouts, but understands. Serena giggles.  
A nurse arrives with something for Bernie to eat and a cup of tea. Serena has gone to her office to change to her daily clothes, instead of the pajamas.

The ward is slowly waking up, while Bernie and Serena is sitting cuddled up in the bed. Serena needs to feel Bernies body. She still can't believe, that her wife is back.  
“We need to call Alex.” She whispers to Bernie.  
“Why do we have to call Alex?” She asks.  
“She's looking after the children.” She answers.  
“I thought Adrienne was looking after the cubs.” Bernie says with surprise in her voice.  
“Oh. She went home yesterday. Elinor told me, that Adrienne was beginning to get stressed and needed to have some alone time. Alex needed a place to stay. Her appartment is getting renovated.” Serena explains. She takes her phone and looks what time it is. It's almost 7am.  
“I think it's safe to call her now.” She shows Bernie the clock.  
“I could be fun if I called her, but I don't want her to faint, so I let you call her.” Bernie laughs.  
“I can see the fun in that too, but you're right.” She smiles and presses the call button.  
“Dawson.” Alex answers sleepy.  
“Hi Alex. It's Serena. Are you awake?” She greets.  
“Yeah. I am now.” She answers sleepy.  
“I have a surprise. Are you still in bed?” She asks.  
“Yes. Why?” Alex questions.  
“I have someone here, who wants to talk to you.” Serena continues.  
“Okay?” Alex is confused now. Serena hands the phone to Bernie.  
“Captain Dawson.” Bernie commands.  
“B? Serena please don't prank me?” Alex pleads.  
“Alex it's alright. It's me – Bernie. I'm finally awake. I woke up a couple of hours ago. I'm so happy to hear your voice. We need to talk, but not now. Can you please get the cubs for me. I need to talk to them.” She explains.  
“I'll wake them up and then call you back in 5. Okay?” She answers and hangs up. Still a little confused. She first go to Cams room.  
“Cam, you need to wake up. I have news to tell you all.” Cameron awake fast.  
“Okay, tell me.” He looks at Alex.  
“I'll wake up the girls first. Meet me in the kitchen.” She continues. He nods and begins to dress himself. Alex walks to Elinors room.  
“Ellie, you need to wake up now. I have news to tell. Please come down to the kitchen now.” Elinor grunts.  
“Okay. I'm on my way.” She gets out of bed and Alex wents to Charlottes room.  
“Charlie, you need to wake up. I have news to tell you all.” She strokes her on the back. Charlottes stirs, but keeps on sleeping. “Darling you need to wake up now.” She continues and caresses her hair and cheek. Charlotte slowly wakes up.  
“Mmmm. What's up? I'm not ready to wake up.” Charlotte mumbles. Alex smirks and helps Charlotte out of bed.  
“I think, you'll wake up as soon as you're in the kitchen with us all.” Alex answers. She helps Charlotte to put on her dressing gown and they walk downstairs. Cameron and Elinor have begun to prepare the breakfast.  
“Please sit down kids.” Alex says and they all sit down.  
“Your mum just called me 5 minutes ago. Your mummy is awake.” She doesn't have the possibility to say more. All three kids is yelling. Happy to know, that their mummy isn't in a coma anymore.  
“How is she?” Elinor asks concerned. She's the first to stop celebrating.  
“All I know is, that she can speak, because I spoke to her on the phone. She wants to talk to you. Do you want that too?” She asks.  
“YES!” They say in unison.  
“Okay. We'll call her now.” Alex takes her phone and presses the call button.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bernie has woken up, but the story isn't finished yet.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Serena answers the phone. Alex had made the children promise, that they wouldn't begin to talk until it was their turn.  
“Hi Serena. I have the children here. They are all curious about how their mummy is doing.” She greets.  
“Okay. I'll set the phone on loudspeaker, so we both can hear, what they're saying. Please set your phone on loudspeaker too.” Serena pleads. Alex places the phone on the table, so they all can hear and be heard.  
“Kids, listen. It's important that you speak one of the time. Your mummy, want to talk to all of you, but you have to take turn. Okay?” Serena begins.  
“Yes.” They answer in unison.  
“Okay. Cam you can begin.” Serena says.  
“Hi mum. And mummy. How are you doing?” He stutters.  
“Hi Cam. I'm fine. I'm sorry. I miss you all so much.” Tears are rolling silently down her cheeks. Serena rubs them off with her thumb.  
“Don't be. I've missed you too. We'll come to the hospital after school.” He continues. Alex points at Elinor.  
“Hi mummy. I miss you so much. It's so lovely to hear your voice, but I really need to see you.” Elinor storms out of the room.  
“Hi mummy. Ellie ran out. I miss you too. I love you, but I'm going to find Ellie and comfort her.” Charlotte says. Cameron rises from his chair too.  
“I think you and the mums need to talk without us.” He says to Alex. She nods and turns the loudspeaker off.  
“It's me. The kids are all upstairs now. I need to see if Ellie is okay. “ She explains.  
“I know. We have been talking about it. We think it'll be okay, if the children stays home from school today. The schools will understand. We want you to take the children to the hospital.“ Serena says.  
“That's fine. I'll tell the kids.” Alex answers.   
“See you soon.”  
“Yeah. See you soon.” They hang up.

Alex finds the girls in their mothers bedroom. Elinor is laying on the bed crying and Charlotte is stroking her back. Cameron is in his own room.  
“It's going to be alright. We've heard her voice now. Later we're going to see her at the hospital. Am I right, auntie Alex?” She turns to Alex.  
“Yes. Your mums wants you to stay home from school today. They want us all to come to the hospital, when we're ready. We need to eat breakfast first and then I'll drive you to the hospital.” Alex says softly. The girls both look at her. Elinor dries her eyes with the back of her hand.  
“Please get dressed and come down for breakfast. I'm going to talk to Cam.” She continues.  
She knocks on the door to Camerons room and enters, when he tells her to. He's packing his schoolbag.  
“Hi Cam. You're not going to school today. Your mums want us all to come to the hospital after breakfast.” Alex explains. Cameron nods.  
“Okay. If mum haven't called the schools, you have to call and tell them, that we aren't coming to school today.” He looks at her.  
“Oh. I'll text your mum and asks her, if she has talked to the schools. Thanks for your help.” She turns around and leaves the room. She texts Serena and gets the answer, that it would be lovely, if Alex would call the schools. So she does that, while the children is eating their breakfast. Charlotte is busy painting a drawing for her mummy.

“Are you all ready to go?” Alex yells from the hall. It sounds like thunder, when all three children storms down the stairs. Soon they are all packed into Alex' small car. Despite sitting in the front passenger seat, Cameron feels like, he has to have his knees up to his ears, to fit in the seat. The girls are squeezed together on the backseat. They are happy, when they can exit the car at the hospital.  
“We're going to use mums car, when we drive home. I can't fold myself into that sardine can of a car again.” Cameron jokes, when they tumble out of the car. The girls giggles. Alex sighs. She knows her car is small, but it's very useful for her and she doesn't need to have three children in her car everyday.

They hear running steps in the corridor. Bernie looks at her wife.  
“I think our daughter is coming now.” Bernie whispers to Serena.  
“Me too.” Serena answers. The door flies open and Charlotte storms to her mummys bed. She stops right in front of her mums with her drawing in one hand. She's suddenly hesistant.  
“It's okay darling.” Bernie says and hold out her hands, so she can hug her daughter. Charlotte slowly cuddle into her mummy. Bernie is hugging her so strong. She kisses Charlies hair and lifts her eyes to see Elinor, Cameron and Alex enter the room. She smiles at them. She lets Charlotte go. And hugs Elinor and then Cameron. Alex stands silent in a corner. Bernie gives her the sign to come nearer. She comes to the bed and hugs Bernie so tight, that she has to ask Alex to loosen her grip a little. She kisses her on her hair and whispers: “We need to talk, when we're alone. I need to hear more about the IED.” Alex nods. She stops hugging Bernie and steps back.  
“I'm so happy to see you all.” Bernie says with tears in her eyes. Charlotte gives Bernie the drawing, that she had made for her and Bernie promise to hang it over the bed. They all talk for about an hour and then Roxanna enters the room.  
“Oh. I didn't know, that the whole family was here.” She greets. “I'm sorry, but I need to examine Bernie now. I need about 45 minutes.” She continues.  
“It's okay. We'll go down to Pulses and eat an early lunch.” Serena answers. They all hug Bernie before they go.

When they're finally alone, Roxanna sits down in the armchair. She looks concerned at Bernie.  
“I'm not going to examine you. I'll only make the interview, but I needed an excuse for us to be alone and I don't believe Serena would let us be alone.” Roxanna explains.  
“You don't have to lie. Next time just tell her, that you want to talk to me alone. She'll understand. I don't like to lie for her.” Bernie answers. Roxanna nods.  
“Sorry. I'll never do it again, but I'm so used to, that the partner of a woken up coma patient, never wants to leave their side, before they are sure, that the patient wont go back into a coma. It often take a day or two.” She continues.  
“I understand.” Bernie nods.  
“You look anxious. Somethings wrong?” Roxanna asks.  
“No. I'm just tired, but I'm afraid, that I'll end up in the coma again.” She whispers.  
“It's very normal to be afraid. I'm certain, that you wont end up in a coma, when you sleep. Your arousal is normal and you're healthy. I believe you ended up in a coma, because your body was in destress, because of the IED and the following operation. You heart stopped and Oliver Valentine massaged you back to life. He literally had your heart in his hand.” She tells Bernie.  
“I remember the theatre. The smells and the sounds, but I couldn't see anything.” Bernie mumbles.  
“That's fine. The next couple of days, I'll be interviewing you about, what you remember from you coma. Sounds, smells, voices etc. Today I'll inform you about, what is going to happen the next couple of weeks.” Bernie looks at her like a deer caught in the headlights.  
“Weeks?” She squeaks.  
“Yes. Your body is very weak and you need a lot of physiotherapy. I'll examine you every day and take it from there. I know you want to go home to your family, but I promise you, that I'll discharge you as soon as possible.” Roxanna squeezes her arm.  
“I can live with that.” Bernie sighs.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.
> 
> I've had a small writers block, but still have a couple of chapters left

Jason enters the room, very upset. He looks at Bernie and smiles wide. He then looks angry at Roxanna.  
“Why haven't you told me, that auntie Bernie is awake? I only know that, because I met auntie Serena and my cousins in Pulses. I thought we were colleagues.” He says deeply insulted.  
“I'm so sorry, Jason. I totally forgot. Suddenly so many things happened at the same time. It was important for me to examine your aunt as soon as possible. Can you forgive me?” Roxanna apologizes.  
“Hmpf. I don't know. Let me think about it.” He answers and walk to the bed to give his auntie a quick hug. It was only a few seconds long, but it was a hug.  
“Roxanna, will you give us some time alone?” Bernie pleads, while winking with her eye.  
“Of course. I'll be back in 10 minutes. Is that okay?” Bernie nods and Roxanna leaves the room.  
“Jason, I've missed you so much. You've grown into a man, while I was abroad. And you have a job. Congratulation. I'm so proud of you.” Bernie smiles wide.  
“I've missed you too.” He begins to tell her about his job.  
“It sounds very interesting. Jason, I need you to listen to me now.” She says firmly. Jason knows, that she has something important to say, when she uses that sentence, so he does was he's asked.  
“It's not Roxannas fault, that she didn't tell you, that I'm out of the coma. I wanted to see you all, but I didn't want to disturb your schedule. I wanted to wait until, we've talked to Alan. I remember some of the things, that I heard in my coma, but I forgot, that you're working here now. Then Roxanna wanted to examine me and the children arrived. I'm sorry. It's me and auntie Serenas fault, but we didn't do it on purpose. Please forgive Roxanna. She needs you as a friend and colleague. And please forgive auntie Serena and me too.” Bernie explains slowly. She really needs to sleep soon. Jason sits a minute in silence and Bernie almost nods off.  
“I understand. You are all forgiven. You wanted to protect me. I'm an adult now and I'm better at coping changes to my schedule. A schedule is important for me, but I need to know immediately, if something important happens to my family and friends.” He answers severely.  
“Thank you, Jason. I understand your concerns and I'll promise you, that I'll never forget to let you know, if something happens to one of us.” She assures him.  
“Thank you auntie Bernie. I'll go find Roxanna now.”He pats Bernies hand once and walks out of the room. Bernie giggles and tries to get comfortable in bed.

Jason had found Roxanna and told her, that he had forgiven her. He had told her, what Bernie had told him. He is now back in the office working. She's back in Bernies room and smiles at the sight she sees. Bernie is sleeping peacefully. She sits down in the armchair and observes Bernie sleeping. She ought to test, if she's only sleeping, but she knows, that her test will wake her up and she can't get herself to desturb Bernie. Serena and the children enters the room after their lunch.  
“Is she back in a coma?” Charlotte gasps.  
“Shush. She's only sleeping.” Roxanna says holding her index finger in front of her lips. Indecating them to be silent.  
“That must be uncomfortable to sit up sleeping. Can't we staighten the bed for her?” Cameron whispers.  
“Of course.” Roxanna and Serena both answers. They help each other to level the bed, without waking Bernie.  
“Oww. I was so looking forward to talking with her.” Elinor says dissapointed.  
“You'll have plenty of time, but your mummy needs some rest now. Remember she has been awake since the middle of the night.” Roxanna assures her. Serena strokes Elinors back.  
“Come on. Let's find a cuppa.” She says.  
“Am I allowed to crawl up in mummys bed?” Charlotte asks. Looking questionally at Roxanna and then at Serena. They both nods their approval. Charlotte is quick and she's up in the bed before anyone can tell her to wait. Elinor looks at her sister and mummy with disappointment. She wants to cuddle into her mummy too. Roxanna squeezes her arm.  
“I think their is room for you on the other side.” She whispers. Elinor gets sparkles in her eyes and crawls carefully into the bed and snuggles into her mummys other side. She has really missed that.  
Bernie stirs a little in her sleep, only to get more comfortable. She lays an arm around each girl. Serena loves the sight of all her girls cuddled up in bed. She turns around and lays an arm around Camerons back.  
“I think, we'll let them have some time alone.” She take Cameron with her, back into her office. They drink a cup of tea and then Cameron meets up with Jason. They're going to have a Star wars marathon tonight. The hospital grapewine has done it again. Since lunchtime Serena had received so many texts and calls, that she decides to send an e-mail to all their friends and family, to inform them, that Bernie is out of her coma and that she's doing well after the circumstances. She explains, that Bernie is still weak and needs to rest. She pleads them to call her, before they will visit. Phonecalls are very appriciated, but Bernie has lost her phone, therefore they have to call Serena. If Bernie is asleep, Serena wont wake her up. 

It's almost suppertime, when Bernie's awake again. Both girls still cuddled into her body. She stirs and the girls move too. Elinor has been awake the whole time. She has just enjoyed being cuddled up with her mummy. Charlotte dozed off quickly after she got into the bed. Bernie kisses Elinors temple and makes her look at her.  
“I need the toilet, can you get someone to help me. I'll try to wake this sleepyhead up.” Bernie whispers. Elinor nods and went out to find a nurse. Bernie caresses Charlotte cheek. Kisses her temple.  
“Hey, darling. You need to wake up now.” She says softly into her ear. Charlotte stirs and begins to wake up.  
“Hi mummy.” She yawns.  
“You need to get out of the bed. I need the loo. Ellie is getting a nurse to help me.” She continues.  
“Oh.” Charlotte crawls out of the bed, when the nurse arrives with a wheelchair for Bernie. She curses a lot, when the nurse helps her out of bed. The nurse tries to convince Bernie to use a bedpan instead, but Bernie's insistant on using the toilet. She needs help to get from the wheelchair and on the toilet. Bernie finds it humiliating, that she need so much help. But she enjoys the feeling to use the toilet as a normal person. Alex arrives shortly after to pick up the girls to bring them home to eat supper. The girls hugs their mums before they leave with Alex.

Serena and Bernie are alone again. Alex has brought them supper. Homemade chicken soup. They enjoy their soup in silence. Serena can't stop looking at Bernie, observing every move she makes.  
“Stop observing me. I'm alright. I'm healthy, but weak. Roxanna promise me, that I won't get back into a coma.” Bernie begins.  
“I know. I just can't believe, that you're finally awake and that I can talk with you. That you can move you limbs and answer me.” Serena answers. Her eyes full of love.  
“I really hope, that I can get home soon. I've only been awake less than a day and I've already had enough of laying in this bed.” Bernie sighs.  
“I know darling. I want to take you home too, but..” She takes Bernies hand. “you need to get stonger first.”  
“I know.” Bernie sighs again and looks down. Serena caresses her knuckles. “Let's finish eating and talk about something else. I think we need to go to bed early today.” Bernie nods.  
After they have finished eating, they get ready for bed. They now lay cuddled up in the bed, whispering to each other.  
“I love you so much. I've missed you terribly.” Serena kisses Bernie on the forehead.  
“I love you too. I missed you so much, when I was away. I missed you, when I was in a coma. I hated that I couldn't tell you how much I missed you and how much I love you and the children.” Bernies kisses Serena on the cheek and leans her forehead against Serenas. They both dozes off within minuts. Enjoying to sleep in each others arms.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for your comments and kudos.

In the morning, Roxanna is interviewing Bernie about her coma. It's only the two of them in the room. Bernie is sitting up in her bed and Roxanna in the armchair.  
“Tell me some of the things, you remember from your coma.” Roxanna says.  
Oh! That's hard. I remember a lot, but I know, that I've forgotten things too. You're asking a lot from me.” Bernie begins.  
“I know. It's a part of the interview to begin so abstractly.” She answers.  
“Ok. I remember hearing voices at first. No. The first I remember is darkness. Then the voices. After a while I could identify some of the voice. The first one, was Charlie.” She pauses.  
“I think it could be the day, that she crawled up in your bed for the first time. The children, mostly Jason, had found some of my published research online.” Roxanna explains.  
“Jason is very clever. Then I remember Serenas perfume. It was very concentrated. It was too much.” Bernie smiles and then crinkles her nose.  
“Yeah. The children was so excided about, what they found online, that they tried it all at once.” She smiles. “I dissapointed them a little, when I told them to hide some of the things away for later. The things are in Serenas office. Scented lights, photos and drawings.” She continues.  
“I don't need the lights, but I'll like to see the photos and the drawings. I love the playlist on my ipod and the recorded memories” Bernie exhales.  
“Jason and the girls did that. They found your old ipod and extended the playlist with songs, that they know means a lot to you. I'll get Serena to bring your the photos and drawings.” Roxanna smiles. “What do you remember next?”  
“It was a little chaotic. Silence. Music. Someone touching me, voices and then nothing. I tried to move. I couldn't. I tried to open my eyes. I couldn't. I began to get desperate and tried to speak. I couldn't. All the time, I tried to assess myself medically. My brain was a blur. I got very anxious. Suddenly it became comfortable. I felt calm. I felt someone holding my hand. Then I heard Serena talking to me, pleading me to wake up.” Bernies are now teary.  
“Do you need a break?” Roxanna pats her arm. Bernie shakes her head. She doesn't know if she can brave enough to continue after a break. She needs to get through this. She needs to be brave now.  
“I wanted to answer her, but I couldn't and then I could hear, that she was crying. It hurt so much, that I couldn't comfort her.” Bernie sniffs.  
“You're doing fine Bernie.” Roxanna assures her.  
“Then I remember your name being told over and over again. Suddenly everything fell into some sort of daily routine.” Bernie yawns.  
“Okay. I think I'll stop the interview for today. I know you want to do the whole interview today, but you're tired and I get the best results if you are awake.” She smirks. Bernie nods and sighs.  
“I know you're right, but I don't know if I can be brave enough to take a break now. It's hard for me to talk about this. Some things I remember and others are like a black hole. Some memories come to me little by little. I remember the recordings very well, but I'm beginning to have small flashbacks to conversations between people in this room. They weren't talking to me. They were talking to each other. By the way – congratulation.” Bernie pauses.  
“What do you mean?” Roxanna asks.  
“You and Hanssen. I hear you're a couple now.” She smiles wide.  
“Yes. It's still new and we don't want too many to know yet.” Roxanna blushes. “I'll let you get some rest now.” She squeezes Bernies hand and leaves the room.

Later Guy Self examines Bernies scar after the spinal surgery and books a MRI scan in the afternoon. It's only a precaution scan to be sure, that everything is healing correctly. If he's satisfied with the results, then Bernie is allowed to begin a harder recovery training with the physiotherapist. Jac Naylor examines her heart. That includes an ultrasound scan. Bernie gets a good look at the scar, that bisects her chest. She can't look at it for long. It remembers her too much of all the pain she had caused. She gets tears in her eyes. Jac stops the examination.  
“Are you alright? Are you in pain?” She asks with concern.  
“No.” Bernie whispers. Jac sends the nurse and the F1 out of the room. She can see, that Bernie doesn't want to talk about it, but she needs to know, if there is somethings physical wrong with her.   
“Tell me.” Jac says.  
“It's nothing.” Bernie exhales. “It's just this scar. It reminds me of all the pain I've caused. The coma and that I couldn't calm down my family and friends, when they were sitting beside me and cried. Serena and the children.” Jac pats her hand. She really hates to be the soft doctor, but she respects Bernie too much.  
“Don't worry. All the sorrow is soon forgotten. You have to look forward instead of regretting the past. You can't change it anyway. Enjoy that your family and friends are happy, that you're not in a coma anymore.”   
“I know you're right, but it still hurts to think about.” Bernie mumbles. Jac nods and finish her examination of Bernie.

In the afternoon Guy Self gives Bernie green light. He's satisfied with the results of the MRI scan. The physiotherapist comes by and assesses Bernie. She does some exercises with Bernie in the bed to estimate her motorskills and how strong she is. Serena enters the room, while Bernie is doing the exercises. She can see how much it hurts her wife to realize, how weak she has become.  
“It looks very fine ms. Wolfe. I'll begin your therapy with exercises here in your bed. Just as we have done right now. In a week or two we can transfer to the therapy room.” She looks at Bernie with a smile.  
“Okay. Please call me Bernie.” Bernie is exhausted and frustrated.  
“It sounds fine.” Serena interrupts. She can see, that Bernie can't cope anymore.  
The physiotherapist leaves the room.

Serena studies her wife. She's all sweaty and she had tears in her eyes. Serena hugs her tight. Kisses her temple. They keep sitting that way for a while.  
“I want a shower.” Bernie sniffles and turns to Serena. “Do you want to help me?”  
“Of course.” She answers. She helps Bernie to get into the wheelchair and informs the nurse, that they will be in the bathroom. In the bathroom, she's happy to see, that there is a bench for Bernie to sit on, under the shower. Serena helps to undress Bernie and to get from the wheelchair to the bench. She turns the water on and Bernie sighs.  
“I've waited so long for this. I've had enough of spongebaths in bed.” She runs her fingers through her hair. Serena washes her, where she can't reach herself.  
“May I wash your hair or do you want to do it yourself?” She asks. Bernie is already tired and allows Serena to wash her hair. She enjoys the feeling of her wife massaging her scalp and when she runs her fingers through her curls. She towels Bernies hair and body and helps her getting dressed again.

Back in the room, she helps Bernie back in bed. She's aware of how tired her wife is. Bernie is quiet and avoids eyecontact with her.  
“Darling, what's wrong?” Serenas caresses her cheek and Bernie leans into her hand with closed eyes.  
“I could say nothing, but I know, that you know me too well. You won't accept that answer. When you washed my hair I....I....I” Bernie stops. A single tears runs down her cheek. Serena dries it of with her thumb. She stays silent, she knows, that Bernie needs space to tell her, what's bothering her.  
“I...I looked at my scar thoroughly.” She points at her chest. “It will reminds me of how much pain and sorrow I've caused my family and friends for the rest of my life.” Another tear runs down her cheek. “ Serena kisses her softly on the mouth.  
“Let's forget about that. We can't change the past. Let's celebrate, that you're alive instead.” She kisses Bernie once more. Seconds later Bernie is asleep.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

The next morning Roxanna continues the interview with Bernie. She has brought the drawings and the photographs for Bernie.  
“Yesterday, you told me, that you remember the recorded memories well. Tell me about that.” She begins.  
“Okay. When I heard a recording, I often thought back at the same moment, they told me about and recalled my own memories of the situation.” Bernie says.  
“Interesting. What do you remember from before we began to play the recordings for you. You said yesterday, that you had the feeling of a daily routine.” Roxanna continues.  
“Yes.” She nods.  
“Do you remember other things from that time?” She asks.  
“Yes. I began to...I don't know how to explain it. I...I began to watch movies in my head. It wasn't dreams. It was like recordings from my life.” Bernie says shy and looks down on her hands.  
“I understand, what you mean. Did the movies got more frequent after you began to hear the recordings?” She scribbles something in her notebook.  
“Yes. I could see what happened like a movie, while I was listening. When the recordings had ended, I often continued with my own memories.” Bernie explains.  
“Okay. What happened, when you heard people talking to you?” Roxanna looks at her with curiosity.  
“I don't remember much. As I told you yesterday, I only remember small parts of these conversations. I do remember Charlie and Ellie laying in my bed, talking to me, but it was also a daily thing, I think. I remember Serenas words, because she almost said the same everytime, she talked to me. The conversations between others, I don't remember much of.” Bernie yawns. “Sorry.”  
“Don't be. I have enough for today. Don't use too much energy on trying to remember those conversations. I wouldn't remember those either, and I haven't been in a coma.” She smiles. Bernies smiles back and yawns again.  
“I'll let you alone now. You look like someone, who needs a nap.” Roxanna winks and leaves the room.

Alex visits Bernie after lunch.The adults have decided, that the children don't have to come to the hospital every day. They'll visit their mummy on saturday. Serena and Bernie had to promise the children to call them every night after supper.  
“Hi B. How are you doing?” Alex greets.  
“Fine.” Bernie smirks  
“Liar.” Alex grins  
“Okay. I'm okay, but I hate, that I can't come home. I want to be at home, surrounded by my family. I hate, that I need physiotherapy. I hate to be so weak.” She sighs.  
“I understand. You said the other day, that you want to talk to me about the IED.” Alex looks down on her feet.  
“Yeah. I've heard your recording, but I need to know more.” Bernie whispers.  
“What do you want to know? I don't think, there's much more to tell.” She answers.  
“I need to know, what happened to the two others.” She looks at Alex.  
“They survived. Private Grant broke his left arm. Sergeant Hastings broke both legs. Both of them got cuts and bruises like me.” Alex says.  
“Where are they now?” Bernie asks.  
“Grant is home with her husband and kids. Hastings is at home too, with his boyfriends. That is if they're still together or maybe they're on a break again. What time would it be? The ninth or tenth?” They both laugh.  
“Sound like you have fun in here today.” They hear. It's the physiotherapist Sarah.  
“Not any more.” Bernie mutters.  
“I'll leave you alone.” Alex hugs Bernie.  
“Thank you for your visit. I'm happy, that we all survived.” Bernie greets.

The training is very hard. Bernie hates it. She knows, that she has to do the exercises, if she wants to get home soon. She ignores the pain and pushes herself.  
“Bernie it's fine, that you're doing the exercises, but I want you to take breaks, between the different exercises. It wont help you, if you keep on pushing yourself too hard. I know you want to get home, but you wont get home sooner, if you continue like that. On the contrary.” Sarah says. Bernie curses. The rest of the session, she does as she's told. Serena arrives, when Bernie is doing the last exercise. When Sarah is gone, Serena helps Bernie to take a shower. Back in her bed, Bernie is happy to relax again.  
“I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.” She mutters.  
“I know darling.” Serena kisses her on the cheek.  
“Sorry. It's just so frustrating.” Bernie continues.  
“Look. I've bought you a new phone. Jason helped me to set it up. He achieved to recontruct most of your contacts. I don't know how - to be honest.” Serena says.  
“Thank you. I'll send him a text right away.” Bernie smiles at her wife. She sends the text to Jason.  
“Sorry, darling, but I need a nap now.” She yawns.  
“It's okay. I'll be in my office, doing some paperwork.” Serena kisses Bernie on the lips.  
They had decided yesterday, that Serena is going back to work half time from tomorrow. She will still be able, to help Bernie to get a shower, after her daily physiotherapy session.

The next couple of days are filled with training. Roxanna has finished interviewing Bernie. Serena works a few hours a day. She's happy to be back in her lab. She takes a break, to help Bernie in the shower. When Bernie's back in bed and has fallen asleep, Serena goes back to work. Friends and family visits them. Serena has written a new e-mail to all their friends, informing them about Bernies progress and she has told them, that Bernie has a new phone. Jason has helped them, so she still has her old phonenumber. She soon learns to turn of her phone, before she's going to sleep. Every night they sleep cuddled up together in Bernies bed. When Bernie is alone in her room and awake, she'll listen to the memory recordings or the music playlist. Soon a week has gone and Bernie gets good news. Sarah had told her earlier, that she's satisfied with Bernies progress and wants to begin the harder physiotherapy training the next day. She gets exided and anxious at the same time. She is anxious, about not being strong enough. That she will disappoint herself. She wants to get home, as soon as possible. She's afraid, that she will fail the training, so it will take much longer for her to get home.  
“What's on your mind?” Serena asks concerned.  
“Nothing.” Bernie mumbles. Serena takes her hand.  
“I know, it's not true. I think, I know, what's on your mind. Your anxious about tomorrow. Am I right?” She caresses Bernies knuckles.  
“Yes.” She whispers and snuggles into Serenas chest to prevent to look her in the eyes. “I don't want to talk about it.” She continues.  
“It's alright.” She kisses her on the hair. “Let's get some sleep.”  
“Are you coming with me tomorrow.” Bernie pleads.  
“Of course I will, darling.” Serena kisses Bernie again.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Serena wheels Bernie to the physioterapy session. She can feel, how anxious Bernie is. She fidgets with her hands. She's silent and looks down on her feet. Serena stops a few meters before the therapy room. She kneels in front of Bernie. She lifts her head with her indexfinger under Bernies chin. She forces Bernie to look her in the eyes.  
“Darling, please look at me. It's alright to be anxious. Remember, I'll be there too. We're in this together. Sarah is convinced, that you're ready. Let's stay positive. Okay?” She pleads. Bernie finally seeks the eyecontact with her wife and nods hesitantly.  
“Okay. Let's get ready to fight.” Serena stands up and wheels Bernie the last couple of meters. The door opens and Sarah invites them in.  
“Hi Bernie. How are you?” She smiles.  
“Fine.” Bernie mumbles. Sarah analyzes Bernies body language. Serena takes her wifes hand to calm her down.  
“It's okay to feel a little anxious.” She explains. “Together, we'll take one step at time. No pun intended” She smiles again.  
“Thank you.” Bernie whispers.  
“Today, I want you to try to stand. You'll use the bars to pull yourself up. I'm going to stand behind you, to help you to control your legs. I would like Serena to stand in front of you. Serena, I want you to support Bernies movement. You're not allowed to use any force to help her. If she need help, I'll help her from behind. We're only here to support her, not to fall. It's important if she falls, that you let go. That why the mattress is there. Okay?” She first looks at Bernie and then Serena. They both nods their understanding. Sarah wheels Bernie to the end of the bars. It's the best position, if Bernie is strong enough to try to walk too. This way she will already stand between the bars, when she has pulled herself up from the wheelchair. Serena is standing in front of Bernie, between the bars.  
“Serena, I want you to remember to bend your knees. That way you'll spare your back. Bernie, I want you to lay your hands around the bars. It's important for you to have a good grip. Now try to pull yourself off the chair.” She instucts. It's hard for Bernie, but after a little struggle, she achieves to pull herself halfway up. Sarah moves the wheelchair and supports Bernies movement, while she instructs Serena.  
“Serena. Imagine you're giving Bernie a hug, but not to tight. When we move forward, you have to follow our movement and move backwards.” With cooperation Bernie stands up right within a minute. Serena is still hugging Bernie. She gives her a kiss on the cheek as a reward. Bernie blushes.  
“Bernie, I want you to try to feel your legs. Imagine you're pressing your feet through the floor.” She continues. Bernie tries to do, what Sarah instructs her to do. She already feels the sweat running down her body. Her legs begins to tremble. Sarah moves fast and wheels the chair back behind Bernie.  
“Serena, I want you to follow Bernies movement again. Remember to bend your knees. Bernie, try to sit down again. Remember not to flop directly into the chair. You have to use the strength in your arm, to hold back and sit down slowly. Ready?” She instucts quickly.  
“Yes. I can't hold myself much longer.” Bernies says through clenched teeth and begins the movement. Serena follows her. When Bernie is back in the chair, she's exhausted. Serena strokes her fringe away from her eyes and kisses her sweaty forehead.  
“Congratulations. It went very well Bernie. I'm satisfied with your improvement. Many patients don't actieve to stand up at their first session with the bars. That was the end of todays training.” She smiles. Bernie is disappointed. She had hoped for a miracle.  
“We need to strengthen your legmuscles though. I'll make a training programm for you and show it to you tomorrow. “ She continues. Serena observes, that Bernie is tired. She needs to get back to her room for a nap.  
“That sounds great Sarah. Thank you.” Serena replies. They say their goodbyes and she wheels Bernie back to her room and with the help of a nurse, Bernie is soon back in her bed sleeping. Serena knows, that Bernie would've loved to get a shower first, but she's too tired to protest and she wouldn't have the energy to take the shower anyway.

The next day Sarah comes to Bernies room to tell her about the training plan.  
“You need more strength in your legs, so I'll train with you here, using the same exercises, that you already know. Then we'll have some sessions with weights and finally every second day we'll train by the bars.” She begins.  
“Okay. Why only every second day?” Bernie asks. She really wants to get better as fast as possible. She wants to train her legs all day long, if Sarah allows her.  
“Because you need to rest too or the training will be ruined.” Sarah answers. Bernie nods.  
“Do you have a swimsuit?” Sarah continues. Bernie doesn't want to say yes. She doesn't want anyone to see her scars. She observes how silent Bernie suddenly is and looks at her questionably. Bernie look down on her hands.  
“I don't want anyone to see my scars.” She whispers into her chest.  
“Don't worry. I've seen a lot. Including people with missing limbs.” She pats Bernies arm.  
“Me too. I've operated a lot of them on the front line. It's not the same though, when it's your own scars.” Bernie mumbles.  
“We'll be alone in the pool. The water makes it easier for you to train your legs.” Sarah assures her.  
“Okay. I'll ask one of the children to bring me my swimsuit.” She agrees.

The training begins and Bernie works hard to get better, so she can get home. She's still in the wheelchair, when she isn't training. Bernie has found a song on the playlist, that she didn't knew before. It's called 'Fight song'. She finds it great to listen to in her training sessions. She even enjoys the training in the pool, except for the humiliation to be lifted in and out of the pool. Serena is with her, the first couple of training sessions, but after three days she feels needless. Serena goes back working full time again. She still sleeps at the hospital, cuddled up with Bernie. Sarah has allowed her to train her upper body on her own in the evenings, but only if Serena is there too.  
One evening they're sitting in the bed talking. Serena needs to break the subject gently.  
“Honey. I need to talk to you about something.” She says with her head resting on Bernies chest.  
“Okay?” Bernie says concerned.  
“Have you thought about counseling?” Serena looks up.  
“Why?” Bernie quirks.  
“I think, it could be a good idea. I know, it helps Alex. It could help you get rid of your nightmares, if your have someone to talk to about, what you have experienced, when you were on tours. About the IED too..” Serena begins.  
“I don't need a shrink.” Bernie protests firmly.  
“Sorry. It wasn't meant like that. I'm just concerned.” She continues.  
“Listen to me. I don't need a shrink. It's enough for me to be near you at night. Alex and I talk about the tours and the IED. That's enough for me.” Bernie explains tensed. Serena surrenders. She understands, that the subject is too sensitive for her wife ,and that it was too early to bring it up. They continues to sit in silence until Bernie turns on the playlist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Bernie listens to in training
> 
> https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc
> 
> This song means a lot to me too. A very dear friend of my used to listen to this song, when she was kicking cancer in the b**t. She has been cancer free for one year now.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos
> 
> Thank you Sindt for helping me with this chapter.

Bernie is back in her room. The training today was extra hard. She had achieved to walk with crutches. Not long, but she had done it. She couldn't wait to tell Serena. Full of anticipation, she lays down on the bed. Turns her ipod on and listens to Bruno Mars – Just the way you are. The song was played all the time in the radio, when she was expecting Charlotte. She smiles at the memories. She loves all her children, but she has always had a feeling, that Charlotte is something special. A miracle. She thinks back on all the trouble, they went through to get pregnant. She gets a little emotional, when she thinks of Serenas miscarriages and their loss of Aaron. She falls asleep, thinking of her wonderful patchwork family. She's happy, that all of her children, have contact to their fathers. Eventhough Elinors dad isn't that much part of the family.

Bernie wakes up, her body full of anxiety. What has she just dreamt? Raf isn't Charlottes father. Poor Raf. She really needs to talk to Serena. She sends a text to Serena, asking her to come to her room as soon as possible. Serena promise her, to be there around lunchtime. Bernie looks at the clock. It's more than an hour until Serena has her lunchbreak. Bernie has too much time to think it through. She's beginning to get angry. Could it be true, that Raf isn't Charlottes father? If it's the truth, why haven't Serena told her? Why has her wife deceived her, by not exposing this to her? Her daughter is a result of an experiment? What does that mean? The tension rises in Bernies body. She loves her family, but can she still love her wife, when she can't be sure, that she can trust her? The questions grows bigger and bigger in her head. She looks at the clock again. Still 30 minutes until Serena is here. She needs someone to talk too, but she can't. She wants to be sure, before she involves anybody else.

The door opens and Serena enters the room.  
“Hi Darling. What is so urgent?” Serena asks looking at her phone.  
“YOU HAVE LIED TO ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BELIEVE, WHAT I JUST REMEMBER.” Bernie yells, sitting on the bed. Serena looks at her with fear in her eyes.  
“”What do you mean? Do you need to yell?” She asks.  
“Sorry. But I need to know the truth. Who's Charlottes father. And you don't have to tell me, that Raf is her father, because I'm almost sure he isn't. I dreamt of our family and suddenly I got a flashback, to you two talking in here, while I was in a coma.” Bernie take a deep breath. Serena looks down on her shoes and fidgets with her pendant.  
“Yes.” She whispers.  
“YES, WHAT? LOOK AT ME.” Bernie screams and Serena looks her wife in the eyes.  
“It's true. Raf isn't Charlies father - biologically. I've promised him, that he will always be her father.” She looks down again.  
“WHY? HOW? I need answers Serena.” Bernie continues.  
“Please stop yelling. I don't want the whole hospital to know. I've promised Hanssen.” She whispers.  
“What? Hanssen knows too?” Serena nods. Bernie feels how the anger rises in her chest.  
“Okay. Don't hate me. I'll try to explain, but you have to promise me to listen, to what I'm about to tell you. Nobody must know. What I've done is illegal.” She looks at Bernie and waits for her to accept. Bernie finally nods. Serena observes, that she still has her hands clenched.  
“I was devastated, when our first two attempts, with Raf's donation, didn't gave us the result we were dreaming of. In fact you gave me the idea yourself.” She continues. Bernie looks at her questionably.  
“What? I don't understand.” Bernie tells her. She's now a little calmer.  
“It was after the second attempt had failed. We have decided to try IVF as a third attempt. The next day I examined Rafs sperm cells and found out, that they where empty. I didn't know, how to tell you or Raf. I was sure, that we could find another donor, but it would destroy his world, that he most likely never will become a biologically dad. On the same day, in the evening, you said, that you wished, that we could get pregnant, just like heterosexual couples. Just me getting you pregnant, while we made love.” She stops. Looks down on her hands. She wants to touch Bernie, but she knows, that Bernie doesn't want her to do that. She takes a deep breath.  
“Biologically, I'm Charlies father.” She looks her wife directly in the eyes to find out if Bernie understands, what she says.  
“I..I...Hey! How? I don't follow.” Bernie says confused.  
“Well, I used some of Rafs empty sperm cells. I injected my own DNA in the cells and then did the IVF on one of your harvested egg cells. It developed correctly and I inserted the egg back in your womb. And the rest is history.” Serena doesn't want to smile. She knows the situation is very difficult and that Bernie needs time to digest the information. Bernie sits silent for minutes. Serena hates the silence. She can see Bernie is trying to get her head around the informations, that she has just given her. Bernie finally begins to speak.  
“I want you to leave now. I don't want to see you. I'll call you, when I'm ready to talk. I want you to go home tonight. I want to be alone.” Bernie whispers with clenches teeth. Serena can see the anger and hurt in Bernies eyes. She rises from her chair and leaves the room without protest. Trying not to cry. Stiff upper lip, stiff upper lip. She keeps on repeating in her head.

Henrik Hanssen finds Serena with teary eyes in the peace garden. She sits silent on the bench and stares blankly into the air. He sits down next to her. She doesn't notice him, before he lays a hand on her arm. She gasp, when he touches her.  
“Sorry. I was miles away.” She whispers.  
“What's wrong? Roxanna told me, that Bernie yelled at you. She was on her way to talk to her, when she heard the yelling. Are you fighting?” He asks concerned.  
“I don't know.” She begins to cry. Hanssen lays an arm around her shoulders.  
“I'm sure you two will be good again.” He says calmly.  
“I'm not so sure. I told her Henrik. She heard me and Raf talking about it, while she was in coma. She suddenly remembers now. I know, that I've promised Raf to tell her, but honestly I was relieved, when I found out, that she didn't remember that conversation. I'm sure she heard, what we said, because the monitors went nuts, while we were talking.” She says with tears running down her cheeks. Henrik hands her a handkerchief. She dries her eyes, but the tears keep on running.  
“She wanted to know the truth and I told her. I also said to her, that nobody must know. She knows, that you know about it too. I hope she isn't angry with you. She didn't gave me time to tell her, that you and Raf haven't known for long. She asked me to leave her alone.” She mumbles.  
“I believe, she needs some time to digest this big news.” Henrik assures her.  
“I don't want to loose her.” Serena sobs. Henriks hugs her and let her cry with her head on his chest.  
“You need to give her time and space.” He tries to soothe her.  
“She doesn't want to see me. She wants me to go home tonight. I'm going to sleep alone again. I was so happy, that she was finally awake and getting better. We were looking forward to her coming home for good. We lived in this lovely bubble, but I knew all the time, that we were living on a lie. I knew, I had to tell Bernie about the secret, but I wanted to do it in my own time. I wanted to wait, until we were home again. I expected her to get angry and hurt. The hardest was to see the disappointment radiating from her whole body. It really scares me, how cold she was, when she told me to leave her alone. I didn't got the opportunity to give her all the facts.” She whispers.  
“She'll come around. As I've told you before. I don't believe, that she will leave you. It's all new to her and she needs to process, what you have told her. I'm sure she will contact you, when she's ready to hear the rest of the facts. Just think of you and Raf. You two are friends again. He needed time too.” He says calmly, while rocking her back and forth. She nods almost unseeable and sniffs.  
“I'll try to believe that, but it's very hard at the moment.” She takes a deep breath. Henrik strokes circles on her back and she feels a bit calmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/LjhCEhWiKXk


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos

Henrik Hanssen enters Bernies room. She's laying on the bed with her back turned against the door. Hanssen observes her for a minute.  
“I don't want to talk to anybody.” He hears Bernie say.  
“Sorry, I wanted to be sure, that you don't sleep.” He says calmly.  
“I don't want to talk to anybody.” She repeats still turned away from the door.  
“I won't take long, but I need to tell you a couple of facts.” He continues.  
“Okay.” She answers.  
“Serena wants..” He begins  
“If you're going to talk Serenas case, I don't want to hear it.” She interrupts him and turns around, looking angry at Hanssen.  
“Okay. I want you to know, that I know about Serenas secret. She told me just before you came out of your coma. Raf has known a little bit longer. He found out, while you were abroad. He has demanded Serena to tell you, but she wanted to wait until you was back home. Then you got hit by the IED and ended in the coma. I really hope, you'll forgive her. She had her reasons. She did it with good intensions. Remember she did it out of love.” He stops.  
“I know, but I can't forgive her. Not yet. She has lied to me for 10 years. 10 years Hanssen. I'm not sure, that I can trust her again.” Bernie gets tears in her eyes and turns away again.  
“I'll let you get some time alone.” He says.  
“Thank you.” Bernie whispers into her pillow. Not sure, that Henrik hears her.  
“You're welcome. Roxanna is the only one, that heard you yelling at Serena. I can assure you, that the grapewine, won't know anything about this. As a friend, I'll recommend you to talk to Serena. If you two aren't talking to each other, the grapewine will soon begin to work again.” He smirks.  
“Stop. Let me alone. I need time. As I told Serena, I'll contact her, when I'm ready. I don't need our friends to push me to get in touch with her. Get out now.” She answers cold.  
“Alright.” He turns around and leaves the room. Bernie sighs. He smiles. Mission completed. Bernie had listened to him. 

Bernie uses the rest of the afternoon to speculate. Can she forgive Serena? NO. Not now. She's too disappointed. But she loves her family. She'll do anything for her children. She doesn't want them to know about her and Serena having a dispute. She texts Serena to let her know, that she's not ready to talk, but she pleads her not to tell the children. She has packed away the photos and drawings. She can't look at them, without thinking of Serena. The nurse enters with her supper. She doesn't touch it at all. The rest of the evening, she just lays on the bed in silence. The staff let her alone. Roxanna has told them, that Bernie is just having a bad day. She's thankful to be left alone.

Serena is home. She had greeted the children and Alex. She tells them, that she is going to sleep at home from now on. She eats supper with her children and then she walks upstairs to the bedroom. She locks the door. She doesn't want anyone to come into the bedroom. She doesn't bother to take her clothes off or to brush her teeth. She curls up on the bed and begins to cry. She sobs into her pillow, so nobody will hear. She hears a small knock on the door, but she doesn't react. Someone tries to open the door and finds it locked. Serena doesn't want to talk now. She can't tell anyone, in this house, what's wrong. She crawls under the duvet and cries silent, while reviewing her day. This morning, she was so happy. Then she got the text from Bernie and her world collapsed, when she entered her room. Never had Bernie showed so much anger against her. Never had she been so cold. Serena gets the chills just by thinking of how Bernie had reacted. She can't live without Bernie. She just knows. She needs her in her life. She's now sobbing out loud. It knocks on the door again.  
“Serena? Are you okay?” She hears Alex' concerned voice. She doesn't answer. Alex tries to open the door.  
“Please unlock the door.” She pleads. Serena stays silent.  
“If you don't open the door right now, I'm going to break it.” Alex says a little louder. Serena doesn't want the children to see her in this state.  
“Okay. I'll open the door.” She surrenders. She gets out of the bed and opens the door ajar.  
“What do you want?” She mutters looking at her feet.  
“I want to check, that you're okay. I could hear you in the hall.” She answers. “Can I come in?” Serena nods and open the door. She turns around and goes back in bed. She turns her back to Alex. She doesn't want her to see her crying. She feels the mattress dipping behind her. Alex touches her shoulder.  
“What's wrong? Bernie sounded different tonight too, when she called the children. I don't think, that they realized anything though. Are you two having a row?” She asks gentle. Serena body begins to shake. Alex realizes, that Serena is crying. She tries to calm her down by stroking her hair.  
“Y.....e......s” Serena finally sniffs.  
“Want to talk about it?” Alex tries.  
“No.” She answers firmly. “I can't. And Bernie can't tell you either. Not before I've talked with her. She doesn't want to talk to me at the moment.”  
“Oh. That's bad. What have you done?” She asks.  
“I can't tell you. But it's both good and bad. At the moment Bernie means, what I've done is mostly bad. I've had a big secret for many years and now Bernie knows. That's all I can tell you.” She whispers.  
“I see. Can I do anything to help?” Serena shakes her head.  
“Just let me be alone and don't tell the kids.” She mumbles  
“Okay.”   
“Alex, I can't loose Bernie. I can't live without her. I don't want her to leave me.” She cries.  
“Shush, shush. Why do you think, she will leave you? Have you been unfaithful?” Alex says concerned.  
“No. I could never be unfaithful. Not after Edward.” Serena answers.  
“Then, I don't think she'll leave you. She loves you too much. She just needs time to get her head around, whatever you have done.” Alex says calm.  
“Why does everybody says that to me? You, Raf and Henrik. You're all so certain, that she won't leave me.” She mutters.  
“Because we all know, how much you both love each other. And you two can't function without knowing, that you have each other to rely on. You two can't live without each other. Your love is so big, that everybody envie, what you have.” Alex smiles. Serena stays silent. Talking to Alex has calmed her down and soon she's sleeping and Alex leaves the bedroom silently.

The next couple of days Bernie trains hard. She takes the breaks Sarah demands of her, but she trains her upper body alone, eventhough Sarah hadn't allowed her to train alone. But she needs a way to act her anger out. Without her daily workout for her upper body, she gets too tense. She needs a clear head and she can only get that, if she lets some steam out. When she's not training, she's laying silent on her bed. Brooding over Serenas secret. She still can't get her head around the fact, that Serena has manipulated the IVF. She's happy that Charlotte is the result and she loves her family. Little by little she can see, why Serena did it, but she can't forgive, that she hadn't told Bernie about it. They're married for God sake and married couples doesn't have any secrets.   
Serena goes to work, but she stays in her office with the blinds shut. She has asked her staff to be left alone. Telling them, that she's way behind with her paperwork. They accepts, what she's telling them, but they don't believe her.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone needs do to something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.
> 
> I never planned this fanfic to be so long.

It's been a week. Serena and Bernie still don't talk to each other. Serena yearns to talk to Bernie. Bernie doesn't want to forgive Serena yet. She knows, that she will forgive her eventually. The last week has been hell for her. She misses her wife. She still loves her, but she feels hurt and disappointed too and she wants Serena to suffer a little bit longer. Eventhough they both wanted to keep it as a secret, that they're having a dispute, the children and their friends had soon found out. Some of their friends had visited her and tried to talk her into forgiving Serena. The children had called and pleaded her to stop being angry at their mum. Jason is the only one, who talks with her, without talking about Serena. He knows, that she doesn't want to talk about Serena. He comes to her room every day now. He finds it calmer to eat his lunch together with her. That's what he's doing now.  
“Auntie Bernie, I have a question for you.” He says.  
“Okay?” Bernie looks at him, while eating her sandwich. Hoping he isn't beginning to talk about Serena.  
“Can I have my headphones back? I know, I got a new pair, when you borrowed mine, but it's not the same. I miss my own headphones.” He asks.  
“Of course, Jason.” She laughs and reaches for the headphones in her drawer. A photo falls out and lands on the floor. Jason picks it up.  
“You are so happy on this photo.” He hands her the photo. It's a photo from their wedding. Bernie looks at it for ten seconds and then she puts it back into the drawer.  
“I know, you don't want to talk about it. I understand that.” He begins.  
“Yes. But..?” Bernie continues.  
“How long are you going to be angry? I don't like seeing you both so miserable. Auntie Serena doesn't talk much with anybody. She comes home, eats very little and then she goes to bed and cries herself to sleep every night. Elinor told me so. You're oblivious crying a lot too. Your eyes are always red, when I come to visit you. Cameron doesn't want to talk about it, but I know he's sad too. Elinor and Charlotte are both sleeping in Charlottes room. I don't know why.” He takes a deep breath and waits for Bernie to say something. He needs an explanation. He's not good at understanding feelings. He knows that. Bernie hesitates.  
“Jason, I can't talk to you about it. I need you to understand, that I'm angry at your auntie, because she has done something wrong. It will take me some time to get my head around it all. I don't know if I can forgive her.” Her eyes gets teary. Jason takes her hand.  
“I want everything to be as it was before. Us - being a family - full of love - taking care of each other.” He looks at their hands. “Please forgive her soon.” He lets go of her hand and stands up. “I better go back to work now. Bye auntie Bernie.”  
“Bye, Jason.”

Raf knocks on the door to Serenas office. He had been so foresighted, that he had called her first, to let her know, that he was on his way to talk to her. He has camouflaged his reason to talk to her. Serena thinks, he want to talk about his divorce from Amy.  
“Serena it's me, Raf.” He says, when he knocks. He hears Serena moving her chair and then her steps to the door. She unlocks the door and lets him enter, before she locks the door again. He looks at her. Sees how swollen her eyes are. Observes her wet cheeks and the dark rings around her eyes. He holds out his arms to offer her a hug. She accepts and begins to cry, with her head buried in his chest. He strokes her back and tries to calm her down.  
“Serena, please listen to me. Let us sit down.” He guides her to the couch. He now sits next to her, with an arm around her shoulder. “Tell me why you are so unhappy.”  
“She....She....Bernie knows.” She begins to sob. Raf hugs her and kisses her temple, while he moves from side to side to comfort her.  
“Shush, shush.” He kisses her temple again. “I'm sorry, but you knew you had to tell her. Tell me what happened.” He says calmly.  
“She suddenly remembered, that you and I talked about you not being Charlottes father. Do you remember the day, that you told me about Amy and that you had filed for divorce? Raf nods. While we were talking, Bernies monitor went nuts. She remembers our talk now. She screamed at me at first. I tried to explain it all to her, but she didn't gave me time to give her all the facts. She asked me to leave her alone. Her voice was so cold and I could feel, how angry, hurt and disappointed she was. I think she still is, because she haven't contacted me, since she pleaded me, not to tell the children of our dispute. She promised me to contact me, when she's ready to talk.” She sniffs. Raf strokes her hair.  
“I'm sure she'll contact you soon. She needs time, just like i did. I was so angry and hurt, when I found out. Now I understand, why you did, what you did. We can't turn back time and Charlotte is my daughter. I won't change a thing. She's perfect, you know.” He smiles wide. Serena nods. They continues to sit in silence. Raf can feel how Serena is relaxing in his arms.  
“You called me, because you wanted to talk about Amy and now I've used your time with my own problems” She suddenly says.  
“I have to confess, that I only said that, for you to let me into your office. Louise is very worried about you and she contacted me yesterday, asking me to take care of you.” He explains. “Your staff loves you and they know something is wrong. The grapewine has begun to get busy. Gossiping about you and Bernie. Nobody have seen you on Darwin ward this week. I believe you can think, what their guesses are.” He says calmly.  
“Yeah. But it's up to Bernie now. I have to respect her wishes or she'll never forgive me.” She sighs.

Later that day a secret meeting is being held in the other end of Holby. Four humans are sitting in a dimly lighted café. There's three teenagers and a child. It's Bernie and Serenas children and their nephew.  
“We need to get an idea to get them back together.” Elinor says.  
“Let us have a brainstorm.” Cameron continues.  
The next couple of minutes, they all comes up with ideas and Jason is writing it all down on his tablet. He has made a new group for the four of them. They can't share their ideas in the group, Jason made, when Bernie was in a coma, because Serena is part of that group.  
“I think we need help from my dad or uncle Henrik.” Charotte says.  
“Try to call your dad.” Elinor tells her. Charlotte takes her phone and calls her dad, but it's Fletch who answers the phone.  
“Hi Fletch. Is my dad there.” She asks.  
“Hello my love. No he's operating. Can I help you.” He answers cheeky.  
“One moment.” She holds her hand over the microphone and informs the others. They all agree that Fletch is as good a help as Raf or Henrik, perhaps even better.  
“It's okay, uncle Fletch. We need your help. We want our mothers to get back together. We don't know why they don't talk to each others, but we know, that they are both very unhappy. Do you have any ideas, how we can get them to talk to each other again?” She explains.  
“Of course, Darling. Where are you?” He inquires.  
“We are at the café next to the bowling alley.” She answers.  
“Okay. I only need to clock off and I'll be there in ten minutes.” He ends the call.  
“Uncle Fletch will be here soon. I'm sure, that he has some good ideas.” Charlotte smiles wide and they all high-fives.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos.

Fletch arrives at the café.  
“Hi kids. What do you need my help for? I understand you want your mothers to get back together, but how can I help?” He sits down at their table after ordering a coffee.  
“Yes, that's right uncle Fletch.” Elinor answer.  
“It's been a week now. We don't know, what the dispute is about, but they're both so unhappy.” Jason continues. Fletch knows why, but he can't tell the children.  
“Okay. Do you have any ideas?” He asks.  
“We need help from you, Raf or uncle Henrik. We need someone, who can get the both of them in the same room at the same time.” Charlotte babbles out.  
“I see. Perhaps I have an idea.” He gives the group a sign to come nearer. They whisper and conspire. After ten minutes, they high-fives.  
“Fletch, you're genius and merciless at the same time.” Cameron laughs.  
“When do we begin? I need to know, if I have to change my schedule.” Jason says.  
“I think, we have to wait until tomorrow. I need some preparation time.” He grins.  
“You're now a part of our whatsapp group.” Jason informs Fletch.  
“I really hope, this will work.” Elinor sighs.  
“Me too.” Charlotte mutters.  
“Okay. We need to go home now. Alex is waiting with supper.” Jason says, showing them a text, that he has just received.  
“Bye, uncle Fletch. I'm so happy, that you will help us.” Charlotte hugs him.  
“You're welcome. I must honestly say, that I want them back together too.” Fletch says. They say their goodbyes and the children hurries home.

“There you are. The supper is ready. Come and eat. I've made spaghetti bolognaise.” Alex calls from the kitchen, when they enters the house. They sit down and begins to eat.  
“Where were you and what were you doing? You all look as you're having a secret.” She says.  
“We were at the old café. We needed to meet somewhere outside the house. We needed to come up with a plan to get mum and mummy back together. Uncle Fletch is helping us.” Charlotte rambles on.  
“Don't tell.” Elinor whispers.  
“Don't worry. I want them back together too.” Alex answers. “Am I allowed to hear your plan.” She continues.  
“Yes. But you can't tell anybody. Okay?” Cameron says. While they eat, they tell her about their plans.  
“Oh, Fletch is a genious.” Alex exclaims, when they are finished.  
The rest of the evening, the whatsapp group glows with ideas, schedules and the plan is finally ready. Everything is planned with a timetable. Everybody involved knows what to do.

Around lunchtime the following day, Serena receives a text from Bernie saying: We need to talk. Be in your office in 10 minutes. Serena wonders, why they have to meet in her office, but she hurries back to the office. Ten minutes later she sees Fletch pushing Bernie in her wheelchair. She's protesting.  
“Fletch, I don't want to go this way. I told you yesterday too.” She says firm.  
“I know, but you two need to talk.” He wheels her into Serenas office. Serena is so shocked, that she doesn't have the time to react. Bernie is still protesting. None of them realize, that Fletch is gone. It's too late, when they hear the lock. They both went silent.  
“I call the security.” Serena finally says, with the phone in her hand.  
“Don't.” Bernie says. “Fletch is right, we need to talk.” Serenas looks at her wife.  
“Wait a minute. You're the one sending me a text, saying you want to talk.” She says curious.  
“I haven't send you a text.” Bernie exhales.  
“Oh yes you have!” Serena says firm and shows Bernie the text.  
“I haven't. My phone is in the drawer in my room. I was training with Sarah, when Fletch picked me up.” Bernie replies. They observe Jason and Fletch outside the office holding up a sign. “We wont let you out before you have kissed.” It said.  
“What's that?” Serena asks.  
“I don't know.” Bernie mumbles. They turn the sign. On the other side stands: “We know you love each other.”  
“It looks like we're forced to talk. I think I know who has send the text from your phone.” Serena mutters and looks shortly at Jason. “I've been wanting to talk to you the whole week, but it was up to you. I think it still is.” She continues. Bernie nods.  
“It has been very difficult for me to understand it all. I'm ready to hear the rest of the facts.” Bernie whispers.   
“What do you want to know?” Serena sits down on a chair next to Bernie, after she has invited her to sit down on the chair.  
“I want to know it all. What you have already told Raf and Hanssen. How did they know before I did? “ Bernie looks at her. Serena begins to tell. She tells about, how much she had struggled, when she decided to do the experiment. She knew, it was illigal and that was the main reason, that she haven't told anybody. She tells her how Raf found out and pressed her to tell Bernie, when she got home from her last tour. Then she tells about how Hanssen found out. That she has promised him, not to scandalize Holby City hospital. She tells Bernie about the research papers in their safe at home. When she has told Bernie everything, she stays silent. She gives Bernie time to absorb, what she has told her. Serena is very anxious. She's still afraid, that Bernie will leave her. Bernie observes the tears in Serenas eyes. She takes Serenas hand in hers and caresses her knuckles.  
“Serena, look at me.” Serena looks down on her feet. Bernie turns Serenas head, with her other hand under her chin. She forces her to look her in the eyes.  
“I forgive you. You have suffered enough now. The last week was hard for me too. I've missed you.” At first Serena doesn't understand, what Bernie tells her. She had expected the worst. Bernie leans in and pecks her soft on the mouth. Then she waits for Serena to understand, what she has just said.  
“What? Are...are you sure?” She smiles and dries her eyes, with the back of her hand. Then she throws her self into Bernies open arm. “I missed you too. I love you so much. I'm so sorry, that I ever lied to you. I just didn't know, how to tell you. I promise never to lie again.” She declares. Bernie kisses her again.  
“I love you too. I love our family. I won't change much, if I could. Only one thing.” She looks at Serena.  
“Okay, what is that?” Serena asks with anticipation.  
“I wish you had told me, when I got pregnant. Raf will always be Charlies father on paper, but I would have loved to know, that the baby growing in my body, was a fusion of both our DNAs. She kisses Serena again. This time a little longer. Her tongue asks for permission to enter and Serena allows it. They are so engrossed in each other, that they don't hear the door getting unlocked.  
“Come on Jason. We need to tell the others. Mission completed.” Fletch says and they high-five.  
Bernie and Serena stop kissing, when they both need to breath. They leans their foreheads against each other.  
“I love you.” They say simultaniously.  
“Darling, Wait, I have something to show you.” Bernie whispers. She take her crutches, that are standing against the wall. She gets ready and rises with easiness from her wheelchair. Serena gets tears in her eyes again, but this time, they are happy tears.  
“You can stand up now.” She exclaims.  
“I can walk with them too. I only use the wheelchair, when I'm on my way to or from training. I'm not strong enough to walk without them yet, but Sarah believes, that it won't take long. I'm going to get discharged later.” She explains happy. Serena hugs her wife and kisses her again.  
“I can't wait for us to get home.” She looks at Bernie with lust.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is almost finished
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos. They kept me writing.

Serena informs Louise, that she will take the rest of the day off. She wheels Bernie back to her room. They see a smug smiling Jason, coming out of the room.  
“I think, I know, who wrote that text from your phone.” Serena whispers in Bernies ear.  
“Me too.” Bernie turns her head and smiles back at Serena.  
When they're back in the room, Bernie decides to sit in the armchair instead of the bed. Serena had never seen her sitting in the chair before.  
“I've been sitting in this chair a lot this week. It has your scent.” Bernie looks at her wife with love. “Come sit on my lap.” She says. Serena hesitates. “I won't break.” Bernie takes Serenas hand and guides her onto her lap. Serena lays one arm around Bernies neck. She cuddles into her wifes neck and enjoys to inhale her scent.  
“Oh Darling, I've missed you so much. Please promise me never to stop talking with me. Let's never go to bed angry.” She pleads.  
“I promise, if you promise too.” Bernie smirks.  
“I promise.” Serenas says looking deep in Bernies eye, before she kisses her. They can't stop kissing and soon Serena licks Bernies lower lips and her tongue asks for entrance. Bernie accepts quickly. One of them lets out a low moan, but none of them know who. They only stop kissing to breath, before they continue to kiss. Serena can feel, what it does to her. She really want to get home, so they can continue this, without an audience. After a while Serena stops the kissing. She leans her forehead against Bernies.  
“I'm going to miss this chair, but I think Henrik wants it back, where it belongs in his office.” She says with a smile. Bernie pecks her on the lips. “I can't get enough of you. I want to kiss you the rest of my life, but I think you're right. We have to wait until we're at home. I want to show you how much I love you as soon as possible” She growls. Serena gasps.  
“Sorry to interrupt.” They hear Roxanna say. They turn to see her standing in the door.  
“Hi.” They answer in unison.  
“I believe you're ready to get home.” She looks at a smiling Bernie, who nods. “I officially discharge you now. Please go home and stay happy with your wife and the rest of your wonderful family.” She smiles wide.  
“Thank you Rox. I'll love to do that. I'm so grateful for your help. Are you going to stay in Holby or are you going back to Boston?” Bernie asks with interrest.  
“I have to go back to Boston to finish some work, but I'll be back soon.” She answer a little sad.  
“He'll miss you too.” Serena assures her. Knowing what Roxanna is thinking.  
“Thank you. I'll let you go now. I'm flying back to Boston tomorrow, but you both have my number if you need to get in touch.” She gives them each a hug and walks out of the room.  
“I'm going to miss her. I'm glad she comes back soon.” Bernie says.  
“Me too. She makes Henrik so happy.” Serena agrees. “Let's go home.”

When they arrive at home, their children storms out of the door to hug their mothers. Bernie need to stay in the car until she had hugged all the children.  
“Cubs. Listen. You need to let me out of the car.” She laughs.  
“Please stand back. Your mummy has something to show you.” Serena says secretly. They all look with anticipation, when they see Serena handing Bernie the crutches. Then she stands up and begins to walk.  
“Mummy, you can walk.” Charlotte exclaims and runs to her, to hug her again.  
“Please, let me get into the house and sit down. I'm not strong enough to stand here all day.” She teases. Charlotte lets go and they all go inside.  
“Where's Alex?” Bernie asks.  
“I'm here. In the kitchen. I just needed to take the applepie out of the oven before it burned.” Alex come into the hall and hugs Bernie.  
“I still had it in my backpack, when I got home.” She whispers into Bernies ear.  
They all sit down at the dining table and enjoys the freshly baked applepie and tea. When they're finished Cameron rises.  
“Come on girls. We need to go now.” Bernie and Serena both look questioningly at him.  
“We know, you need to be alone tonight. Alex has explained it to us.” Charlotte says matter of factly. “I'm going to dads with Ellie and Cam is going to uncle Marcus.” She babbles on. They both look at Alex and she blushes.  
“I know, how much you two have missed each other, so you'll have the house to yourself tonight. I'll be at Lisas tonight.” She smiles.  
'”Are you trying again?” Bernie asks confused.  
“No. She has been with Katie for three years now and they're getting married next month. I'm going to be maid of honour. Who would believe that?” She smiles wide. They children hugs goodbye to their mothers and Alex.  
“I've prepared supper for you.” Alex informs.  
“Thank you.” Serena says. She walks upstairs with Bernies bag.  
“Where did you hide it?” Bernie whispers.  
“It's in the second drawer in the dresser in the guestroom. Do you want me to get it?” She answers.  
“No. I get it myself. If it's okay. Do you have anything in that drawer?” She asks.  
“It's okay. It's only my T-shirts.” Alex whispers. Serena is on her way down the stairs again.  
“Darling, do you think, you can get up and down the stairs?” She asks with concern.  
“Yes, I've trained hard with Sarah. If I couldn't get up the stairs, she wouldn't let me get home.” Bernie answers. Alex grins.  
“She just wanted an excuse, for you to stay in the hospital, until you and Serena found back together. She called me and asked what to say to you.” She laughs, says her goodbye and leaves the house.

They sit down on the couch in the living room. They look at each other, radiating with love. They begin to kiss. They continue until Bernies stomach begins to growl. Serena laughs.  
“I think, I'll go find out, what Alex has made for us. I don't think, we can live from love alone.” She pecks Bernie on the cheek and walks into the kitchen. Bernie hurries, as much as she can, into the guest bedroom. She quickly finds, what she's looking for and she's back in the livingroom, without Serena knowing, that she was away.  
“Honey the supper is ready. Where do you prefer to eat. In the kitchen or in the dinningroom?” She hears Serena asking from the kitchen.  
“The kitchen is fine.” She answers back. She rises from the couch and goes to the kitchen. Alex has made a romantic dinner for them. They enjoys the food, while holding hands. They can't stop touching or kissing. Before the dessert Serena feels, that Bernie is beginning to get more silent.  
“What's wrong?” She asks concerned.   
“Nothing.” Bernie mutters.  
“Bullocks.” Serena exclaims. “Look at me.” Bernie does as she is told. “What's wrong?”  
“Nothing.” Bernie answers again. “But I have something to tell you.” Her eyes sparkles. She takes Serenas hand in hers.  
“I have something, that I need to says to you. I wanted to tell you this, when I finally got home from my last tour. I love our family. Now I know, how special it is. I love you and I can't imagine a life without us being together. I love our patchwork family, with our children, their fathers, uncles and aunts. I love, that we're having Jason in our life too. I even love your mother in small doses.” Serena smirks.  
“There has happened, so much in our lifes and now I'm home for good. I'm going back to a socalled normal life. With a normal job. I love being your wife. The laws have changed too. Serena, I can't go down on one knee yet, but I can't wait. So here it comes. Will you do me the honour to be my lawful wedded wife?” Bernie says with teary eyes and opens the small box, she has retrieved from the drawer in the guest room..  
“Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes.” Serenas answers with happy tears running down her cheeks and then she kisses Bernie deep and long.


	53. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's six month later and the day of their wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I hope you will enjoy the ending.
> 
> I'm very thankful for all your comments and kudos.
> 
> I'm going to take a break from writing. Don't worry, I'll be back with new stories.

It's six month later. It's the day of their wedding. The children insisted, that they wanted to be a part of the planning of the wedding. They had demanded a big fairytale wedding. It was mostly the girls. Jason was more interested in doing everything the right way. Cameron just wanted to see his family happy. They're now at their rentet venue. Serena in her room, with Elinor helping her with her dress and make-up. Bernie is in her room, with Charlotte. She doesn't need help with her tuxedo, but she knows, that Charlotte needs to feel, that she's helping her. She let's her brush her hair. Charlotte has a flower for Bernie buttonhole too. It will match Serenas bouquet. Jason had pressed them, not to spend the night together and not to know, what the other will wear. Elinor had helped them both, when they bought their clothes for the big day. They had both tried to trick her into telling them, what the other would wear. Marcus' wife Helena had helped the children finding their clothes. Charlotte was going to be flower girl and Elinor was bridesmaid. Jason was going to be Bernies best man and Cameron was going to follow Serena up the aisle. The children have so many secrets, that the brides doesn't know anything about. Bernie is ready and looks at herself in the mirror in her room.  
“Oh! Mummy, you're so beautiful. Mum's going to cry happy tears, when she sees you.” Charlotte exclaims. Bernie smiles at her daughter. She now feels the butterflies in her stomach.  
“I don't think, I can promise not to cry too. I love mum very much and this day is so important to me.” She says more calmly, than she feels.

In Serenas room, she's doing the final touches of her make-up and looks at herself in the big standing mirror. She's so happy. She's beginning to get nerveous.  
“Wow. Mum. You look so beautiful and happy. You're almost glowing. I'm sure mummy will cry happy tears, when she sees you. Eventhough, I believe, that she will fight against them running down her cheeks.” Elinor says dreamingly. Serena smiles at her daughter. Their children really knows their mothers reactions.  
“I'm going to cry too.” She answers hesitantly.  
“We know. That's why Cam has a handkercheif in his pocket for you and I've given mummy one too.” Elinor says soft.

Bernie hears a knock on the door and Jason enters.  
“Auntie Bernie, it's time for us to get down to the ceremony. You don't want to be late to watch auntie Serena walk up the aisle. Do you?” He says matter of factly.  
“I'm ready, Jason. Show me the way.” She smiles at her nephew.  
When they stand outside the room, where the ceremony is going to be held, she takes his outstreched arm and they walk up the aisle together. In the room all their friends and family are sitting. Smiling at Bernie and Jason, showing how happy, they're to be here. Bernie nods greetingly to them, when she stands in front of them all. The music begins to play. It's the same music, that they used, for their registered partnership ceremony almost 15 years ago. Now they are celebrating their legal wedding. Just as every heterosexual couple. Bernie gets teary eyes, just by thinking of it. She sees Charlotte walking into the room, with a small bouquet in her hands. Behind Charlotte, Elinor is walking up the aisle. Bernie smiles at her girls, when they sit down in the front row. Then Serena and Cameron arrives. Serena is so beautiful. Her dress is Shiraz red with bare shoulders. It ends just under her knees. It matches with Bernies waistcoat and the handkerchief in the boys jacket pockets. The girls has a silk ribbon around their waist in the same colour. In her hair she has a little weil. Bernie can still see her wifes eyes. They are filled with tears or at least, that's what Bernie thinks, because she has tears in her own eyes too. She takes the handkerchief from her pocket and dabs her eyes. She then smiles wide, when Serena is beside her. Cam kisses her on the cheek and sits down next to her sisters. Serena has handed her bouquet to Elinor. Bernie takes Serenas hand.  
“You look so beautiful. I Love you.” She kisses Serenas temple.  
“You look beautiful too. And I love you too.” Serena whispers. They turn around and faces the female priest. She smiles at them. Jason is standing a step behind Bernie, ready to hand her the rings, when they needs them. He's very proud to be the one responsible for the rings. He knows it's one of the most important jobs at a wedding.

“We're gathered here today to celebrate this beautiful reunion. I know you have been registered partners for more than 14 years. Now I'm lucky to be a part of your wedding.” The priest begins. Bernie and Serena both smiles wide.  
“I know, that you both have written your own wows. Bernie will you please begin?” Bernie turns to Serena.  
“Serena, you're my greatest love. Aside from our children. You have shown me, that I'm loveable. I was a mess, before I met you. I fell in love with you, the first time, that I saw you and your beautiful tummy, with Elinor inside. I love our life together and our happy patchwork family. I'm looking forward to live the rest of my life with you by my side. I promise, I will never go back to the army again. My life is here with you and our family. I almost lost it all, when I got hit by the IED. I can't bear the thought of all the pain and worries, that I've been guilty of. The coma was the biggest eyeopener for me. I love you and I promise you, that I'll never go to bed angry. Serena I can't imagine a life without you anymore.” She dries a tear away on Serenas cheek with her thumb.  
“And now it's you turn Serena.” The priest continues. Serena sniffs and take a deep breath.  
“Bernie, darling. You're the love of my life. Just like you, I too love our family. We had a bumpy beginning, but without your love, I couldn't have this wonderful familylife. that we have build together. I won't change a thing. If we haven't lived our lifes, like we have done, we wouldn't be, what I love about our family. I know our children have different fathers, but that doesn't matter. They're our children and they're siblings. They're just the way, we want them to be. I'm happy, that their fathers are part of our patchwork family, with their own extending families. It was a big fright, when you got hit by the IED, but you survived, because you're a fighter. Your coma showed me, how lucky we are. Our family and friends stood together and helped, without hesitation. Bernie, I love you more than life. I can't imagine a life without you and I promise you, to be with you until the end of my life. I want us to get old together, so we can sit in our home, surrounded by our children, grandchildren and perhaps even great-grand children. ” She looks Bernie deep in the eyes and Bernie knows, what Serena is promising her, without words.  
“Me too.” She whispers. They hear more than one sniffling behind them.  
The priest performs the rest of the ceremony and Jason hands them the rings at the correct moment.  
“I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may both kiss your wife.” The priest says happy. They kiss and their guest begins to applaud and cheer. They turn around and walks out of the room as wife and wife.

Alex escorts them into the garden. The children has ordered a photographer to take photos after the ceremony. It's one of Helenas friends and he's very famous. What the children doesn't know is, that Marcus and Helena has instructed him, to take photos all day. Including at the ceremony. It will be their present for Serena and Bernie.  
“Mum and mummy. It's time for our present.” Cameron explains.  
“This is Anthony and he's going to take photos of all of us.” Jason continues.  
“It was my idea.” Charlotte says proud.  
“And we need new family photos, because, we don't have a good one, with all of us. Now Jason is living with us, we need at photos with him in it too.” Elinor clarify. Both Serena and Bernie get tears in their eyes again.  
“Thank you.” They say in unison and begins to hug and kiss their children, which now includes their nephew Jason. Anthony soon begins to command them around. First he takes some photos of Bernie and Serena. Then some photos with them together with all four children. Then he takes some photos with the children in different constellations. The boys alone. The girls alone. Then all four children. Then each child alone. He also takes photos with Jason and Elinor and then Jason and Charlotte. Adrienne even accepts him to take a photo with her and the wedding couple, a photo with her and her grandchildren and then together with the whole family. Finally he takes a photo with Bernie and Serena and all their guests.

After dinner the wedding couple escapes into the garden. They find a bench in a corner behind a bush.  
“I think, we can hide here a little.” Bernie whispers, before she kisses Serena tenderly. They can secretly watch the garden through the bush.  
“Look there's Roxanna and Henrik. Am I the only one, that have observed the sparkling diamond on her finger?” Serenas asks.  
“No. I saw it too. It's very new, because she didn't had it last week.” Bernie gossips.  
“I know. Right. I'm so happy, that love is blossoming among our friends. Last month it was Raf and Fletch, who got married. And now it looks like Henrik finally has popped the question.” Serena says happy.  
“What are we going to do with Charlotte? It's the second month in a row, where she has been a flower girl. I hope she's not expecting to be flower girl again next month.” Bernie smirks.  
“I believe, as soon as she knows, that her uncle and Roxanna are engaged, she won't stop pleading them until, they let her be flower girl at their wedding.” Serena laughs.  
Raf had proposed to Fletch right after his divorce was settled. He loves Fletch and his children so much and he couldn't wait anymore. They both have finally found their number one. They had been secretly in love with each other for years. As a bonus Fletch had accepted, that Raf had adopted his children on the same day, that they got married. That way the children are safe, if something happens to Fletch. Raf had talked to Serena and Bernie about his proposal and the adoption before he proposed to Fletch. He had asked Charlotte if it was okay with her, if he adopted Fletchs children. She had assured him, that it would make her happy to get Fletch and his kids as a family. It was only a paper anyway, because she already had the feeling, that they are her family.

Bernie sneaks a hand onto Serenas stomach and caresses it. She kisses Serena again.  
“I can't wait to meet the little girl in your tummy.” She exhales. They had discussed it for a couple of month. They agreed to get another child. Bernie isn't strong enough to be pregnant. They had talked with Nina and she had told them, that there wouldn't be any reason, that Serena couldn't carry a pregnacy to term. They had just been very unlucky with the sperm donor from her clinic. Serena had been a little anxious. They are the only two persons in the whole world, that know, that Serena is pregnant, with Bernie as the father. They had taken a chance and done the experiment again. This time with Serena as the egg donor. Serena still has some of Rafs empty sperm cells hidden in her lab. This time, they had agreed not to tell anyone, who the father is, because it will be a lie. Instead they are going to tell, that the father is an anonymous sperm doner from Denmark, when they're going to reveal the pregnacy for their friends and family.  
“You have to wait at least 6½ month, before we can meet her. In a couple of years, it'll be your turn.” Serena whispers and kisses her wife. “This little girl needs a sister to grow up with. It will be unfair, that the other three children are so much older than her. The way we are doing it this time, we will always know, that we're getting a girl” She looks Bernie deep in the eyes and smiles wide.  
“Of course.” Bernie agrees. “Poor Cameron. He's going to live in a house full of girls. I'm so glad he has Jason.” She smiles with sparkles in her eyes and kisses Serena again. Jason is now living with them. He had moved in shortly after Bernie got home from the hospital.  
“I think we have to go back inside, before they all begins to search after us.” Serenas says. Bernie nods and kisses her wife one more time. They rises from the bench and walk hand in hand inside again.

When they get inside, Charlotte walks directly to them and takes their hands.  
“There you are. It's time for the cake.” She exclaims and tugs them into another room. Bernie and Serena are both surpriced, when they sees the cake. It's not the one, they had ordered. It had been very difficult, when they had been at the cake testing. Serena wanted rich chocolate cake and Bernie wanted a lemon drizzle cake. They both liked the carrot cake, but they found it too plain for a wedding. In the end Bernie had let Serena decide and they had ended up ordering the chocolate cake. Now they were looking at a tableau with three different cakes. One rich chocolate cake, one lemon drizzle cake and one carrot cake. There's a note at the table for Bernie and Serena.  
“This way everybody get the cake they love. Just like you two.” It's a note from the wedding cake baker. They cut a piece from every cake and feed each other.  
The rest of the evening, they dance and celebrate their wedding with their friends and family.  
Late at night, they escape to the wedding suite. They are now a very happy married couple. Sated from the day, they make love very slow. Careful to touch and kiss every part of their wife. They fall asleep intwined in each other. Dreaming of how, they will spent the rest of their lifes together with their expanding family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Bernies playlist.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFmkAtT-jQYzd-wdVrC6z-M-ybhx_XjBE


End file.
